Seriously, the first weekend of the new year is over and now it's back to the grind. Work, meetings, appointments, everything starts again and O is beginning a new job tomorrow (good luck Master!). Omega and I talked a lot and I've decided to take his advice and blog in evenings now, because it technically gives me more time and my mind tends to be a bit clearer than the fog induced haze of the mornings.
Our weekend was nice, quiet, holiday decks were cleared and put away for another year. We talked about our resolutions and talked at length about what we need from each other. It was good, Saturday night we stayed in and watched movies on dvd, nothing too exciting. Sunday it was raining so we did the same. He did surprise me by taking me to Bed, Bath and Beyond, and cautioned me, "not to go crazy." I held back, but did manage to find some new bedding...OMG as if I need that! O didn't say much but everything was on clearance...and it's not just the bedding...it's sheets, pillow cases, and towels to match in the bathroom...
I don't know he managed to keep his sanity.
I did my first task of the new year and planned out the meals for the next two weeks, making a detailed list of ingredients, which I will shop for tomorrow when the stores aren't nearly as crowded. Since my freezer space is somewhat limited, I'll be shopping and not freezing a lot, until springtime (the extra fridge in the garage hates colder temps and tends not to work as well during the winter months, which causes freezer burn). I'm also making a sincere effort to get more exercise, and eat better. I'm even planning on bringing my lunch with me to avoid eating out--because I don't trust myself to always make healthy choices. The exercise is a problem for me, but I guess I'll just have to make friends with the treadmill or at least attempt to kiss and make up with it.
We're both hoping these small changes will bring a happier more balanced mouse. Of course having a balanced Master helps with that too. He's got his own list. This year is different, and I'm not bogging myself down with a lot of stuff that I know I won't keep. I'm keeping it easy and short and learning to simplify my life. I think O's serenity prayer helps me with that, especially the parts about changing the things I can and letting the rest go. I like that.
I'm meditating more and using those words as a guide, along with my normal mantra about serving my Master well. Serving him to me means helping him where I can, lightening his load where I can, and adding to our lives together. My maintenance is coming back soon, as he's relearning to control his anger again, and is settling into his own balanced state. I'm learning to trust him again, and so far he's showing me that he more than willing to do what it takes.
He's moving slowly and taking back his control in almost simple ways, like the meal planning, what I eat and the time of day I blog. More changes will come and they'll be just as simple, and more natural feeling as time passes.
I did realize that I was testing him, and that has for the most stopped. I can't keep doing that because it really shows my personal lack of trust. I don't wanna be that person and I don't want to be that slave who tops her Master from the bottom. I'm learning to trust, and be still again but if something sets off my radar, I will let him know and not just trust that he'll fix it, but know that he will. I'm not going to let him use his position over me to keep me quiet about things he doesn't want to hear. And I'm not going to let these pages become sterile out of fear of upsetting the status quo.