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Thursday, March 11, 2010

Evolution of the mouse (thankful Thursday)

One thing mouse has recently learned she's a better cook when she follows a recipe.  Yes there are things she does just knows how to cook, like a roast or a steak, but you can't eat that everyday.  For example last night mouse cooked a wonderful pasta dish, and Master just raved with how good it was.  She learned something.  Life is easier when you follow directions. 

O makes a list going through each room of the house.  My job is to complete everything on it.  At first there was a little balking at the return of the lists, but as time has passed, it makes much more sense.  Oddly enough, as the time continues, the lists become shorter, or less time is spent, not sure which.  Each time a new task is started words are whispered about who this is done for.  That helps too.  It's become part of the ritual.  Master requires several things from mouse, and she does as he asks.  Again life is easier when you follow directions.  

How do I feel?  

Master asked mouse that last night, and replied really without thinking; content.  Master smiled.  When the house was quiet, he led her down the back steps into the basement, which seemed  a little odd to mouse since it was just Wednesday night.  He ordered her to undress and she did.  He fixed her arms above her head kissed her briefly and said this would hurt a lot.  She felt the warmth of his kiss, then the searing pain of the cat as it fell against her back.  Soon she was lost in the quiet world of subspace, hardly aware of anything.  She danced for her Master as he whipped her body that much she does know.  The next thing she recalled was being placed on the spanking bench and the first blow of the cane. Master wanted tears and she didn't disappoint, he whispered that she should let go and she did.  

Later in bed secure in Master's embrace she thought about her evolution.   A year ago in May she took a leap, and found Master waiting for her.  Over their discussions, it was decided that he would accept her name for him Omega and that they would marry.  He promised she would over time become his perfection.  He changed her name to mouse.  Little by little, her barriers and walls tumbled down.  She confessed to him the depth of abuse she'd suffered.  He was not put off by that, instead it emboldened him to work harder.  Master did become distracted for a time, but even he had to admit he didn't want to be that man, or Master.  For a while we were just Omega and mouse.  Then something else happened, problems with his son...and we both joined to help with that.  We remained joined or fixed in solving those issues.  As those problems slowly improved, decisions made, and a course of action plotted, the stress diminished.  We had discussions on how repressed mouse was, fearful of admitting her inner pain slut, or the slave inside existed.  She had nothing to be afraid of, and yet she was afraid of losing something of herself or allowing those perverse thoughts out.  Yet while her stress was high, she found it easier to talk with her Master about those things.  He listened probably took notes, but did nothing about it, until later when the stress level was much lower for everyone. 

He then made his move, cornering mouse and forcing her to admit the things she secretly wanted, things she normally feared.  In the end they were just things she felt she was supposed to fear.  By society, or by her first Master or by both, she was trained to fear those things.  Good girls don't want such things done to them.  But mouse did.  It took a long time to get there but the journey was so worth it.  Learning to first acknowledge, then embrace, and finally merge with the masochist, pain slut or slave inside (whatever you wish to call her), was a process.  But in the end healing.  

How do I feel?  


Thank you so much Master, because I can't image going back ever to way things were and only look forward to everything you have still to teach me.  


greengirl said...

It is hard, maybe even impossible really, for me to relate to much of what you have experienced, faced and taken on. But I so much admire your courage, in each individual decision, and in your trust in finding and being true to yourself.

Omega said...

My mouse,

It pleases me to see how far you have come, and it gratifies me as well to hear you acknowledge that you still have more to learn. People in general often forget that we (both Masters and slaves) should never stop expanding our horizons and exploring new ideals.

You make me proud.


mouse said...


I wish there were a magic formula that would just make everything easier. Do this, add that, and then that and everything will just be ducky.

There's not...when I started on this journey I thought I knew where I'd end up. I really did, but over time, I've passed that point. It's not as scary as I thought it would be. Personal peace comes in many forms.


mouse said...

Oh Master...

mouse still has a lot to learn and is lucky to have such a wonderful guide to help her.


Baby Girl said...

Dear mouse,

Thank you so much for writing...many of the feelings, fears, and lessons that you describe mirror my own as I find my own way in submission to my Master. I'm so thrilled that you have found contentment and I wish you the best as you discover even more about yourself!

Baby Girl :)

spirited one said...

*Big Hugs* I don't have anything to say... I just wanted to let you know that this put a HUGE grin on my face. It's good to see you so content.


mouse said...

Baby Girl,

Thanks for the nice comment. Contentment is a very good word for it.


mouse said...

spirited one,