Yesterday O "usurped" my blog (I kinda preferred to think of it as hijacking) and I sat kinda bruised over what he wrote.
I thought about it for a long time, and thought what should I do now? Change the name of my blog from A slave's tale to something else? Here's the weird thing, I didn't disagree with what he wrote or how he wrote it. It was fine logical, and made a lot of sense. But at the same time, it hurt me and the person I am.
I don't want to be chattel, I don't want to be used and thrown away after. But I do identify with the idea of being a slave. I mean, I have given myself and everything over to O. Even my blog can be used by him. I found it ironic that the very point he was making, he was making on my blog when he has one of his own. Maybe that falls under the whole head of house thing.
It's taken me a long time to come to terms with for lack of better word the slave inside, and make friends with her and now I feel dirty. Last night I asked O if I should still call him Master or Sir or what? He said, "how about Omega." Later he agreed that while slave does carry negative ideas, Master really doesn't and if I wish to still call him Master I can.
Can I scream this is NOT fair? Am I hung up on a title I'm not entitled to have? He can call me shithead for all I care, so why is this bothering me so?
But then I come back to this idea that what we have is so wonderful do I really want it associated with something else so horrible? Guess it's time for a change of ideas.
I guess it's just part of the journey.