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Thursday, March 4, 2010

How does a slave feel?

Maybe it should read how does this slave feel?  Slave-like?  Is that even a word?  


After our big playtime this weekend, and my extended stay in subspace or where ever that place was; it's like everything changed.  Every moment seems to be filled with thoughts of Omega.  The things he did keep flooding into normal thoughts.  Several hours a day now the plug is worn, a gentle or not so gentle depending on how much sitting goes on, reminder of his control.  As duties are performed a new ritual has begun.  Words are repeated, partly in thanks and to remind the reason these things are done.  They are all done for Omega.  


The slave inside craves the touch, the harsh burning desire for pain.  The slave inside longs to be tied, tortured, because that seems to free her mind.   The slave has long ignored those desires.  Made excuses for having them, told herself that they didn't exist.  The slave inside questioned her submissive nature on numerous occasions, mostly out of fear.  


Fear is an interesting thing.  O wrote recently in reply to a comment left by green girl, "often the things that scare people are the very things they most crave."  Is that what is happening to the slave inside?  Has she finally realized that she craves control, just as Omega craves to be in control? If so, then why does she balk so against it?  Is that slave inside no better than an animal caught in a snare of the hunter?  Oh, I hope not.  


Her instincts and needs are so primal, as are her fears.  The slave inside quakes at the sound of the words, "be still," because she understands her voice, her words, her sounds are gone until her Master restores them.  Yet, the slave inside is comforted by those words and feels love each time she hears them.  The slave inside yearns for him, and only to be close to him.  Slowly she approaches him, careful not to disturb his reading, sits at his feet with her eyes cast downward, quietly contemplating how wonderful and full her life is under him.  Make no mistake he is above her. 


How does a slave feel?  Touched.  


The slave inside likes very much the slower pace of life these days.  Much more time for contemplation.  Yes, troubles and worries still happen and frequently threaten to upset the delicate balance but despite that is now more resilient than she was before and can easily rebound  The slave inside is strong and able weather the seasons of her life, for she is content, happy and blessed.


She is oh so thankful.  







3 comments:

  1. I tink the one most profound, and yet ironic, things you said are that being the slave frees your mind. I hear that from my sub consistently. That being controlled and dominated, withstanding the pain and pleasure, and wanting more of all of it, makes her feel free and alive. The irony of being owned and at the complete control of another makes you feel free. Hmmm...! A very interesting concept!

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  2. I am in absolute agreement with your post Mouse and love how you've expressed things right out of my own heart and mind. I have have to admit that your posting about your extended subspace caused me to do a lot of reading and research on the subject. On one hand, I am in awe that your Dom took you to such a place, but on the other, I'm almost frightened by what pain could have taken you to that level. Yet....I crave that. I completely agree with Omega as well. I have expressed things to my Dom that scared me or that I was adamant I did not want to experience, such as pain. I have to laugh - I was adamant that I didn't want pain at all, now I crave it!!! I admire the D/s relationship you and Omega share and find your posts truly inspiring.

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