It's early here, the house is quiet, and slave inside continued to pester with delicious dreams of total sadism. Honestly these thoughts are becoming a real distraction.
The other day, I wrote a post about how a slave feels and posted it as a Thankful Thursday post. I've been exploring this since last weekend. It started with the smoke and mirrors comment from O, and later when he commented about fear. I've been been still and quietly pondering these things. Like everyone else, there is an inner and outer mouse.
The outer mouse is kind, flighty, talkative, smart, funny, sarcastic and overall a nice person as long as you stay on her good side. The inner mouse is the slave. That's the one no one sees unless they know its there since only then is her presence obvious, because no one focuses on the inside, it's all about the external. Obviously, Omega knows it's there. He sees the slave inside very clearly, and probably always had. The slave inside is not concerned with the past, she only cares about this moment and doesn't even worry about the next moment.
The outer mouse worries, waxes, and wonders about everything. Maybe once in while the inner and outer mouse meet somewhere in the visible world, and that is when mouse is seen as innocent wide-eyed child, enjoying the exploration of the world. Yes, the outer mouse gets grumpy, and down, but she can be contained. The slave inside, cannot be contained, she simply waits for the mood to pass, or the outer mouse to move on. The inner slave is the nasty pain slut who fantasizes about wild things, and puts those ideas into the outer mouse's mind. The inner slave is the true explorer.
Maybe O is right and slavery is an illusion or a state of mind (being?). But I'm finding that I like my inner slave very much. She's the one who places the needs of her Master first. The slave inside wishes that she could be the principle character, but she understands that being acknowledged is the first big step. Perhaps one day the two will simply merge. Maybe they did long ago, when my name was changed to mouse and it's taken mouse a long time to figure it out what her Master knew long ago.
Omega also mentioned to me that sometimes a slave wants more than she really can realistically handle, so he's asked me to think about what I want for this weekend's play. He's asking the slave inside to be still, and let mouse decide if she's really ready.
Sometimes I'm really glad he's the one in control.