Life rolls along

I blinked.  It's April.  I know it's true because I paid my mortgage.  Where does time go?  It's been a year almost since I opened this blog.  Lots of things have changed but most of all I've changed in that year.  I've settled down and become balanced.  None of these changes happened over night or over the course of just a couple months, but very gradual.  Honestly I think only the people that have read my blog from the beginning would notice it.  Everyone always would talk about "gift of submission."  What about the gift of Dominance?  That's a gift O has given to me.  He guides me, directs me, sometimes towered over me, and other times stood directly behind me.  Last year I made a big decision, I asked the man that had always been there to really be there.  We talked about it, because he, and rightfully so, wanted to be sure I fully understood what it would mean to become his.  Understood, yes, but only to a point.  I knew and trusted he would never hurt me the way Alpha had.  I just couldn't comprehend how much better he would make my life.  At first I gotta admit, I had no problem submitting to him in anything sexual.  It was the rest of the stuff that gave me trouble, but over time I did learn to do things the way he likes them done.  It's no longer about me...but it's not about him either.  It's not even about us.  


It's really about that thing we do.  How separately we're two nice enough people, but together we're a force.  I think, and I might be deluded, we really do complete each other.  I know I am better with him, and I think maybe he's better with me.  He is dominant in everything and I am the one lowering my eyes in submission to him.  I don't let him just have his way, but accept that it's only way.  


This required a big change in me and maybe in him as well.  Again it wasn't accomplished overnight, but slowly.  Often even when I thought I was standing still, I was still moving forward, toward the goal of becoming his perfection.  I'm far from perfect, and I can't even say that I'm "perfect" to him.  It's not about that kind of perfection.  It's really about the kind of perfection that comes from working as one unit.  The leader and follower.  As leader he makes the decisions, but as a good leader he always listens to others first.  He wants suggestions.  Then he decides the course we should take.  


Sometimes when he decides something contrary to what I think we should do, it smarts.  Yes, my ego is somewhat bruised...but he's always (well, normally) right.  Yes, sometimes he just gets it wrong.  But he will always be the first to admit that he should have listened to me.  Once when that happened, I gave him the, "ya duh," reply.  That was wrong of me.  Being right was enough.  I learned not to do that.  I learned to remind him that he made the decision he really believed was best.  Because honestly that's the truth.  This doesn't mean that I can't tease him tho...that's really fair game but I never do it to be disrespectful.  


Becoming his meant I had learn to like things I normally never cared about.  Like football, baseball, basketball and his first loves of Hockey and Golf.  Ok I still don't like any of those things but I'll sit there beside him while he enjoys them.  I don't even startle anymore when he yells at the TV.  I've had to learn to cook for him and understand his dietary concerns.  The meals I make aren't always exciting, but they are healthy.  


In some ways I've become like a 1950s wife.  I don't hound him when he walks through the door with everything little thing that went wrong.  Instead I greet him with a smile, and fix him a cocktail if he asks for one.  I arrange his things on the table, and make sure there's a clean fluffy towel if he wishes to shower.  I take care of him because he takes care of me, and the better he takes care of me the better I am...


That's the circle.  It's never ending.  It's doesn't bend just because one of us wills it.   We have shaped it together.  My curve matching in the mirror image of his.