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Friday, April 30, 2010

Rituals, Protocols and Routines

This is a post I've been kinda holding on to for a while now.  I've gotten a few emails asking about my different rituals that I follow.  Sometimes I consider them rituals, like how I wake O in the morning.  There are routines, like making coffee.  Then there are protocols on how these things are done.  Please note this is just a glimpse into my life with O.  Every Dom and dynamic is different.  


Routines are easy, so if it's ok I'll start with those. The routine changes daily but there are things that I do everyday.  Like work.  That's a big routine.  Especially now that I work from home the need for routine is even greater.   Routine is brushing my teeth, setting out Omega's things like putting the tooth paste on the toothbrush for him, shaving cream warmed...etc., preparing meals also falls under routine for us. 


How the meals are served is more a protocol.  The table is set, I am to be dressed nicely, not as if we were going out, but respectable.  The table is set, flowers are sometimes part of that.  It looks nice.  No crap covering the table either.  My todo list, which is written out at breakfast each morning, is the only paper, and always placed on his plate so he can review it before his evening meal.  Anything else that requires his attention might be placed there as well, but more often is left on his desk in the study.  I serve him first, then anyone else, saving myself for last.  All the meals are pretty much served this way and ya there are times I feel like I'm always cooking something.  The mornings are the worst because I need to organize the breakfast, coffee, waking Omega, and blogging!  


Another protocol I follow is to check the weather and make sure he has whatever he might need for the day.  I keep my eyes lowered in submission to him, and never ever turn my back to him, unless I'm cooking.  


Rituals, more or less come into play in the evening.  Each night Omega watches me as I do my evening ritual of meditation. Sometimes he'll require me to place clamps on my breasts, but just as often not.  I remain quiet and contemplate the day, what I did right and wrong.  What I will try to correct, and what I will let go of.  I end it mentally the same way that I am the personal property of Omega and my purpose is to serve him.  He will lay out on the bed a nightgown if it's his wish I wear one, and watches me as I put it on.  Then I come around to his side of the bed and ask for permission to join him (if I am told to wear clamps they are removed then because I'm not allowed to touch them).  He removes my wedding ring from my finger and places it in the dish by his side of the bed where he will put it back on my finger after I wake him in the morning. 


Unless I'm told otherwise, I will then climb into bed beside him and we'll talk for a little while.  This is the one time of the day I'm allowed to speak completely freely.  We will talk about anything.  He will decide if he wants to use me before sleep.  Before maintenance, there is a protocol used for that.  He will ask for the strap, and I will get it, kiss it before handing it to him, and then again when he's finished, I will thank him, kiss it again and put it away.  


Morning rituals include how Omega begins his day, coffee is placed on the bedside table, and I wake him by providing him oral attention.  Somedays he'll stop me, and prefer a different part of my body, and very few times I'm rejected entirely.  Occasionally he will wake before me sometimes he'll decide to perform maintenance on me, or use me sexually.  Sometimes still we just make love (different from use, which is about his needs--making love is more mutual).


We really don't have whole lot of rules, rituals or protocols, and these are the ones mostly used inside our home.  

19 comments:

  1. Nice post! This will help a lot of people see what goes on in the daily life of a relationship like yours. I'm sure it is intriguing to many, and will open the eyes to many as well, as to how a 24/7 relationship of this caliber carries on daily. Nice insight!

    DV

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  2. That was a really interesting post... I really like the evening rituals. Seems pretty romantic. :)

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  3. DV Sir,

    I'm sure there are things I"ve left out. But honestly I can't think of anything. We're not really high protocol, but he does have things he wants a certain way. I guess a lot is paying attention to his silent cues. Like when he comes from work. There's a lot of anticipating what his needs will be. But I think that's another post for another time.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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  4. Heather B,

    The evening rituals are my favorite too...I have time to reflect and then talk to him about those thoughts or anything else that comes to mind. It is very romantic at times. There is a definite tone set in our relationship by these protocols and rituals. I like it.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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  5. How were these protocols and rituals established? Was it over time as he decided he wanted something done a certain way or were they all established at the same time and written down and talked over?

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  6. Alice,

    I had a feeling someone would ask that....LOL. They were never written down or really discussed beforehand. Some go back to that first time I asked him to join me on my journey. He explained to me then what his expectations (as he tossed out most of the food in the house). It was then we established the keeping my eyes lowered, not turning my back to him, things like that. The evening ritual of meditation, was also established then. But it was a bit different than it is now. Then I just repeated a single mantra. Now it's become a more reflective time.

    The dinner protocol evolved over time, and started with a subtle critique of how I looked. I was wearing jeans worn through the knees, old as hell sweat shirt, hair up in a ponytail. Not exactly the mental picture he had of me in the moments before he opened the front door.

    We've never really discussed any of them (like a point of negotiations) it was more or less he told me what he wanted and I followed the instructions. That said they're all fairly easy to follow.

    Everything he requires are really things that easily became imprinted on me.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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  7. I am new to your blog and I have to say this was eye opening. My Master and I do not live together so things are a bit different for me but reading this really helps me understand what it is my Master is looking for.

    Carrie

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  8. carrie,

    First welcome. It's important to remember though what your Master is looking for might be completely different than what Omega has with me. Every Dom is different: J Sir might require totally different things of his h; turiya's Sir Asha, probably has totally different things he has her do for him.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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  9. From one who had inquired about your rituals and such - i highly appreciate it.

    I enjoy it when things are shared that seem so natural and not "just because" or "this is how it's supposed to be"

    Thank you again for sharing...

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  10. i love reading these kinds of posts, because it is such an eye opener for me. i know Miss likes things a certain way, but since she and i don't live together either, its really hard for us to have rituals. i can't wait until Miss and i can be together and begin our life like this. :)

    i feel like a little creeper, peeking inside your windows, but i hope i can read more posts on how daily life is for you and O. i'm partly intensely interested and partly extremely nosy. hehe.

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  11. Cilla Noir -- Thanks for the compliment.

    Belle -- I enjoy sharing these little tidbits, well I really enjoy writing them because often they help me put even day-to-day things into perspective.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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  12. I don't think the idea of rituals has really occurred to me. I mean, I think in a really abstract way, but not like you descibe. It would be hard for me, because I am so scattered, but also very good for me... because I am so scattered! Daddy really wants to make things less my way (all over the place mentally) and more his way (he's very organized in his thinking), but he's having a hard time because I think he's very used to my just running the house my own way. Omega, Sir, have you ever thought of mentoring someone? (lol... actually, I wonder if Masters would have a hard time doing that, since they would both be the dominating one!) Thanks for sharing this look into your life, mouse, it's given me something to think about. <3

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  13. Mouse, thank you so much for letting us take a peek into your life with Omega. That was very interesting.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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  14. LB,

    As far as mentoring is concerned...sometimes both sides can use a little help in understanding things. A mentor (almost like a mediator) can provide a perspective either hadn't thought about. I dunno but sometimes I think its easier to accept advice or validation from someone that has no vested interest.

    As far as the house is concerned...it was SOOOOOO hard in the beginning for me...it's my house...I owned it before O was in my life. I had my routine of doing and not doing things. O came in and slowly started changing it.

    He has his way of how things should be. He wants a tidy house, the kind of house that anyone could drop in. And not feel humiliated to let an unexpected guest into our home. He also doesn't want me spend days before expected guests cleaning the house to make it just presentable.

    Now it's not perfect there are areas more tidy than others (read do not open that hall closet door). But over all it's better.

    One way this accomplished was by his daily to do list. Now there was a time not too long ago, that I kinda blew off some of those to do's only to have them added onto the following day. I started to sink in a mental way and got very overwhelmed.

    O's take on that when I complained in my blog about feeling overwhelmed, and basically wanted sympathy for my whoas, was to instead of holding me and telling me oh don't worry about it. He micromanaged me for a day. He basically kept me on task the whole day.

    Everything was done and I was dead by bedtime. It wasn't until then I realized during our pillow talk, that he was right. I didn't have too much to do, it was I wasn't using my time well enough because I just lacked focus.

    And ya, I was totally annoyed he was right.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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  15. Thank you for this post, mouse. I have often wondered what a live-in D/s relationship "looks like", when compared to how I live now. Thank you for this peek into your daily life! I know that some things would look far different for me than for you, because of differences in the men who are our Masters, but just seeing that it's a way of life that has evolved for you into something good, is .... comforting, if that makes sense.

    From a little different perspective, I would like to inject that Padrone and I also have routines and rituals, even if we don't live together. I can't keep my eyes lowered or never turn my back, but I am not allowed to cross my legs or say "okay" (sounds easy, doesn't it? try it - lol), for instance, and when we see each other online I greet him with a ritualistic kind of greeting, speak in a certain way that reinforces who he is.... and I have a nightly time of reflection in a very submissive position, before going to sleep.

    I think this is something that many D/s relationships include, even if in a less formal kind of way... and even if there is no physical contact.

    It's harder with the distance between us, for sure, but it still works well for us, and has for the past (almost) 5 years. :)

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  16. Ronnie...No problem! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    schiava -- OMG There are words that O would LOVE to banish from my vocabulary...like Okay, dunno, seriously, and of course ya know. LOL

    It's funny but what might seem hardcore to one really isn't to me, but not being able to say OK would make me crazy! LOL

    And you're totally right even if you don't live with your Dom doesn't mean you don't have ways of doing things or protocols.

    Thanks for the comments!

    Hugs,
    mouse

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  17. Mouse,
    Thank you for sharing this. I do wonder if more structure and routine would make our crazy life easier and more focused, or harder and less flexible.

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  18. Greengirl,

    The truth is I dunno. All I know is how it is for me. The structure really helps me and I don't find it confining in a bad way at all.

    Also, it's nothing that happens overnight. It's a process that's slow.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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  19. I've been really feeling like I need more of a routine and some ritual. It's so hard with Tornado sometimes because of her sleeping habits. Sometimes by the time Asha wakes in the morning I've only just gotten her asleep and gone to sleep myself. So it's really hard. We've been slowly getting on more of a routine, but it's just hard with little ones. It might work a bit better for us when she's older. It would be so nice to have that though... and I definitely need to start meditating again.

    *hugs*

    turiya

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