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Monday, May 3, 2010

Expectations

I have issues with expectations at times.  Meeting them.  My blog on rituals really got me thinking on how none of those expectations happen over night.  Most were just added as time went on.  


In other words I learned.  Once I made a mistake, I booked two meetings at the same time in two different locations.  Both were important and I went to O and asked him for help to better organize my day.  I joked about it.  But the truth was I needed help because he'd never do that.  He showed me how to make use of the proper calendars so a similar mistake wouldn't happen.  He taught me to look first and not rely on my memory.  Yes it's an obvious answer but I used to keep several calendars, one smallish one in my purse, a day planner and one on the computer. The problem was when someone suggested a meeting time, I'd just look at one.  I also had the bad habit of not entering the same information in ALL the calendars.  


When I complained to him about having too many tasks and whined about it in my blog, I wanted Omega the husband to tell me to just do my best.  Instead I got O the Master, who micromanaged me for a couple days.  At first I was kinda pissed, because my expectation was different.  He was right though.  


None of this was easy or simple.  I just learned along the way.  When he got tired of me looking like "anti-girl" in the evenings, he commented about that.  I realized I was getting lazy (maybe lazy isn't exactly right) about my appearance and made changes.  Now he didn't tell me what to do, I just knew what he meant.  Honestly he doesn't mind it once in a while, but I even try not to do that.  


Friday night after our friends had left inner mouse was brought to surface again.  The pain-slut, wriggling and begging for more, Saturday morning she woke to find herself sucking O.  She felt fuzzy and out of sorts the whole day, and then that evening received more hard treatment, again forcing out inner mouse.  The slutty mouse who begs to be violated.  The mouse that stayed for hours after in her cage, willingly without any complaints.  She felt used, debased and just drained of everything.  Her body wasn't her own, it belonged to Omega.  She felt needy.  Oh so needy.  The cage helped to contain those intese feelings.  He stayed, as he always does, close by.  Scribbling notes on various reactions, recollections on how the scene went.  He keeps a written journal of all the scenes he's ever done.  He writes them out, lists of things needed, type of music to play, lighting, and implements to torture.  He's made drawings of future scenes, what he'd like to do or try.  


When the time came for mouse to leave the basement she was used hard by him one final time, bent over so she couldn't touch him and only feeling the weight of his body.  Again driving hard the feelings of lust within mouse and stirring her into a frenzy of desire and pain.  After such intense use mouse is incapable of making any decisions for herself. Even normal ones are too much. Omega guides her through the day, so she doesn't become overwrought because her emotions are so raw.  A touch or look can send her mentally feeling as though she will drown in emotions.  He knows that for now mouse is helpless, unable to focus or function well.  Omega takes great care in making sure routines and rituals are observed.  Her to do list this morning includes, showering, and blogging.  Normally he doesn't write those things down, but he knows mouse wouldn't think of them on her own.  Her day is meticulously planned out by him to avoid confusion or feelings of loss.  Her mind screams the need she feels and how badly she wants to crawl inside him where she's safe.  The list he provided helps with those feelings.  It helps her to know that even tho he's at work, he's still in control of her. 


Still she struggles.  



4 comments:

  1. It sounds like an intense weekend. Yours is not the first blog I have read about this weekend being intense. Mine was (relatively) intense too. And April 30, Friday, was the last night of the full moon! Sometimes I wonder whether that moon stuff really holds any water. After all it's just a shadow. And now your post's got me thinking about that!

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  2. I really enjoyed your write-up for a number of reasons.

    First of all, I read a comment by a 'Master' who said he didn't want his girl to think of herself as a 'girlfriend' but just a slave, as this was confusing for her. I've been thinking about that ever since. I don't have any conclusive thoughts on it yet.

    Secondly, the theory goes that if a dolly is entirely embracing that role she will reach a point where she cannot think for herself. Her owner must take care of her since she won't be able to take care of herself. I don't think I've really experienced that completely. I've felt more than happy to stay in that space and let the world go by and thus have needed direction but we haven't quite reached a moment where he has to write out the steps I need to take to function for the day. It sounds divine.

    May I suggest that you consider one day, before they leave you, that you try to put down your state of mind in that space, much as Omega does. It would probably be a blast for you but I'd enjoy it too! Pleeeeeeeeez!

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  3. Sir...

    dunno about the full moon, mouse thought that was earlier in the week

    vesta...don't worry. this pattern will continue, mouse has been told for a few more days, then she can begin to process.

    hugs,
    mouse

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  4. Just sending lots of *hugs*

    turiya

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