Although I haven't been given the be still command specifically by Omega, I have instead chosen to be still myself. Trying to wrap my head around something said to me and still failing or feeling like I've failed. Yesterday the thoughts started tumbling out of my head in a cohesive manner, so much so if I hadn't been in the middle of washing the floor I certainly would have run to the computer to put them down. Instead that chore turned into another and so on, until the free time to write was finally there. Of course, quite naturally those thoughts had again eluded me. I wondered for a moment how many thoughts are simply lost because someone was just too busy to write them down?
Many thoughts have sprang to my mind lately. It cannot be said enough that I'm different. I've changed somewhat and I'm at peace at last with who and what I am. I serve Omega twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week. I don't receive time off for any reason, but he makes sure that I have time, adequate time in fact, to do things that are important to me, just like he makes sure I have time for the things that are important to him. Is it demanding? Sometimes. But it's also easy and it should be.
I mentioned some friends of ours are embarking on a taken in hand or domestic discipline type of relationship. I wish them well on this journey. I have considered opening my thoughts concealed in this blog to them both, but have decided for now not to do this. Omega was part of that decision as he is part of all my decisions. He didn't decide for me but instead offered his guidance and perspective. I value both greatly. The husband at this time only has a strong desire for his wife to submit to him. He's not into torture or pain of any kind, although he did spank her recently when she disobeyed him.
She called me up, in tears feeling violated. How could he do that? Spank her like a child! I listened, but honestly I didn't have a lot of sympathy for her. I understand that first time is hard; the realization that this is how it will be is tough to accept, even when you know everything and have been down that road. The first real time Omega punished me in a corporal way was devastating. Partly because it was my fault, and partly because I made him so angry and disappointed in me. I did that. Myself.
I listened through her tears and heard so clearly her fear, the parts of her holding herself back. The fear of changing. I listened carefully to everything she said. She was afraid of submitting herself to him. I think she was afraid of losing her independence or maybe just the idea of it. Then she said the words to me, "I don't know how you do it."
Now it does need saying they've had the discussion and she knew this was what he wanted, in fact he's spoken to O over the past few months about it as well. Their discussions started very simply as jokes I guess about me...lol Then I guess the questions turned serious. O didn't tell him a lot about TTWD, but fed him a few tidbits about being HOH and other things like that. Punishment or correction, I'm sure was also brought up. Their discussions started, evolved and O has offered his advice to them both.
My mind wanders back to the comment about not understanding how I do it. I guess the simplest answer is that I just do it.