When he announced it bedtime, mouse was relieved, as she ran through her evening rituals and readied for bed all she could think was slipping between the covers. Omega, it seemed, had other ideas. He took her for his pleasure, and left mouse feeling a little unhappy. Especially when he just rolled over and fell asleep. He was being selfish but she reasoned in the dark room that he was entitled to be selfish.
However in the morning he was no better or different, barking commands and lodging complaints. His oatmeal was mushy. Was he pushing buttons on purpose? Was he trying to be mean? Funny? Just plain annoying?
No, none, he was having a bad week at work, and feeling stressed. Of course mouse didn't learn that until she exploded so big, those astronauts on the international space station, asked what the heck was that? Why hadn't he just told her all that? It just seems that mouse is expected to be totally honest about all her feelings and he can withhold stuff without question?
It just didn't seem fair to mouse.
It still doesn't feel very fair. Permafrost has set in a little around here since then. Yes, mouse is doing her job which is serving Omega. Seeing to his needs. But she isn't happy about it. Not one bit. When he got home from work, his drink was waiting and everything else he could possibly want or need. He settled easily and started in with other requests, which mouse fulfilled with a very forced smile.
It still doesn't seem fair. Yes, mouse is well aware that nothing about this is about fairness of any kind. Yes, Omega leads and mouse follows. Yes, mouse shouldn't be complaining in anyway, shape or form about implied fairness. It felt a lot like Kay in the Godfather hearing Michael tell her that this one time she could ask about his business, and then lied to her face.
Not saying that Omega is lying in anyway. It's just a reminder that this lifestyle is rarely about being "fair."
However in the morning he was no better or different, barking commands and lodging complaints. His oatmeal was mushy. Was he pushing buttons on purpose? Was he trying to be mean? Funny? Just plain annoying?
No, none, he was having a bad week at work, and feeling stressed. Of course mouse didn't learn that until she exploded so big, those astronauts on the international space station, asked what the heck was that? Why hadn't he just told her all that? It just seems that mouse is expected to be totally honest about all her feelings and he can withhold stuff without question?
It just didn't seem fair to mouse.
It still doesn't feel very fair. Permafrost has set in a little around here since then. Yes, mouse is doing her job which is serving Omega. Seeing to his needs. But she isn't happy about it. Not one bit. When he got home from work, his drink was waiting and everything else he could possibly want or need. He settled easily and started in with other requests, which mouse fulfilled with a very forced smile.
It still doesn't seem fair. Yes, mouse is well aware that nothing about this is about fairness of any kind. Yes, Omega leads and mouse follows. Yes, mouse shouldn't be complaining in anyway, shape or form about implied fairness. It felt a lot like Kay in the Godfather hearing Michael tell her that this one time she could ask about his business, and then lied to her face.
Not saying that Omega is lying in anyway. It's just a reminder that this lifestyle is rarely about being "fair."
7 comments:
When it comes to fairness I'm often reminded that "life isn't fair", but I think this expands beyond the realm of fairness and into the realm of what is right. You are tending to his needs, but is he tending to yours by taking his anger and aggressions out on you?
I've always been of a mind that no one has the right to take their anger out on me unless I'm the one who caused that anger. Especially when anger can harm when not kept in check, both physically and emotionally.
Sure we don't always get what we want, but we shouldn't have to accept the consequences of something that is not our fault or within our power to change. At least that's how I feel about it.
*hugs*
turiya
Every instance may not have to be fair but the overall balance should be, at least to my mind.
You're a stronger woman than I, sweetie.
More power to you.
And several hugs.
J.
Turiya said it best but I just wanted to add-
This reminded me that you were to become "Omega's Perfection"-did he really mean the perfect bit?
Perhaps it would be better for him to give you goals to aim for and then give you rewards at the end; that way he still gets what he wants but your needs are met too.
I found this quote which basically sums up my point:
Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing. ~Harriet Braiker
Hmm. Permafrost. We get that here too.
The concept of "fair" is a clue to me that I am in trouble. Our relationship isn't fair. And if I worry about that, focus on that, it's a pretty sure sign that things might be heading for trouble.
From reading your blog, I feel that the expectations my Master has for me are very similar to those Omega has for you.
It is not easy when the rules have a double standard, but what I have learned and am continuing to learn the longer we are together, is that when I follow Master's rules and worry less about whether they are the same as what He does Himself, I serve much better and feel happier INSIDE.
Sometimes as slaves, the internal dialogue we have with ourselves can be overwhelmingly LOUD, lol. Another thing that helps me is when Master is having a bad day, and He may be short with me, or too tired to give me any attention, I look at myself as His safe haven. The place where everything goes right. (im not always successful mind you, lol, but it keeps me on track a lot.) I know during those times, I am serving Him even more by remaining soft, gentle, sweet, obedient...everything He prizes in me.
Because even when He isn't telling me, when I have that chance to be His oasis, that is priceless to Him.
I know it can be difficult. If you ever need a shoulder or ear, and Omega approves, you are welcome to message me.
I don't have anyone who lives a life similar to mine in terms of the dynamic Master and I have, so having the support of someone who isn't going to cause confusion or a gap by suggesting something that may cause our Masters to be displeased can be a calm in the storm.
hugs
Sweet mouse,
This too will pass.
Maryann
I get caught on the "fair" issue too. In fact this post, which I actually read when you posted it a few days ago, opened my eyes to see my own issues with fairness, and instead of ranting to a friend, or holding it in, I talked to Brandon and said "this is how I feel because of such and such, and I don't know whether I am right or wrong". It made us able to see where we both stood on certain issues, and some things still remain "unfair" but others have been evened out a little bit.
So yes, this life isn't about fairness at all, but I like the ability to be able to say "I don't think this is fair" whether it changes anything or not.
HUGS
Alice
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