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Monday, September 6, 2010

Where mouse's needs go unmet (sometimes)

Yes, Omega has issues with sexual addiction and intimacy.  His biggest issue was not wanting to be close to women, or anyone.  Not letting anyone inside, because if he doesn't then he can't be hurt or disappointed or angered.  It also fit well with the dominant thing...his detachment and demeanor kinda helped with it or offered a natural excuse.  


Sometimes for mouse it's hard to differentiate a SA issue or just a busy issue.  Omega feels that anything worth doing is worth doing right, and if he can't give 100%, he'd rather give nothing.  He will redirect his energy into something that he can give that 100 to.  So ya there are times that I'm kinda pushed aside in favor of other things.  A few weeks ago, he was so busy he didn't even have time for our nightly snuggle before bed and even refused his morning wake-up preference.  This went on for a week or more before things in his schedule settled, and he regained his balance.  


He knew that he was being detached from his home life, which is not good territory for someone with intimacy issues to go.  He wasn't preoccupied with sex tho, but work.  But he also knows that's just a slippery slope to regression.  When he starts working too much, he forgets about other things, then he realizes that everyone accepts that it's work and it becomes easy to shift the focus to something else -- thinking no one is the wiser.  We traveled down that slippery slope once before in the months leading up to his stint in rehab right before Christmas last year.


It took us a while to get our groove back.  In the beginning, things between us were pretty awkward.  I was scared that I would lose him.  I knew from talking with his therapist (no secrets between us), he had to meet me half way and I wasn't sure he'd be able to do that.  It wouldn't be easy for him, but bit by bit he did everything he was supposed to do.   That really helped to ease the tension between us. 


I think the thing that helped us the most, however had nothing to do with him or me.  It had to do with A.  When he was having issues with anxiety, and troubles at school.  It was awful for us both but it also formed a bit of  bridge, where we could both cross. As those issues diminished, we remained tightly devoted, rediscovering what's important and letting go of what's not.  The letting go didn't bother either of us because our energy since has remained refocused.  On what's important to all of us.  


Of course there are set backs but we're on the same path and that's really good because I hate travelling alone.  




2 comments:

  1. Hi mouse,
    I was a single parent for more than half of my 28 year marriage, I don't like to travel alone either. Thankfully I don't have to anymore.
    I'm new here, but I wanted to say that I would send all my good thoughts your way. (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  2. mouse,
    I do not enjoy traveling alone as well. I am happy to have found a wonderful traveling companion (and so much more).
    O

    ReplyDelete

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