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Friday, December 17, 2010

Best of intentions

Good morning,

After our troubles last year, mouse really wanted (wished) for a perfect Christmas.  Chanukah (Omega corrected mouse on the correct spelling) was ok but as mouse has mentioned Omega's been under some severe stress.  His father has health issues and that has left a lot up in the air.  Between frantic calls and late night hospital visits we're just not in the holiday spirit much.

While the house did get decorated, Omega (who does like a live tree) was too busy to worry about getting the big fresh cut Christmas tree, so mouse went into the garage and dug out the fake tree.  It worked (thank goodness) and when he returned home from the hospital he found it already decorated thanks to A and yours truly.  Honestly mouse was torn, she knew part of Omega would be relieved not to have to deal with it, but on the other it felt like a betrayal too.  He's the one that loves the smell and looking at the real tree.

He took it well, and didn't say much except that it did look nice.

So, mouse plugged along, had her holiday decorating and cleaning lists, continued working with A and doing everything else that needed doing.  Yet at the same time, she felt this organized chaos filling her.  Not everything was getting done, and having to play hostess on Saturday is a huge burden, but also a distraction.  Normally, brimming with enthusiasm mouse would be driving Omega up a tree talking about all the details, but instead hasn't been.  He doesn't need to know all that stuff, not now.  Christmas eve is next week and mouse hasn't finished shopping!  Now that's a first normally by this time everything is wrapped and finished.  Another thing that wasn't done, was the cards.  Just hated the idea of sending good cheer when everyone around here feels so....dunno.  It really feels as fake as the tree in our living room.

Somehow it will all get done, we'll celebrate the holiday, and his mom's birthday on New Years Day (ya she's one of those --  but at least mouse can get something really nice at a great price after Christmas).  The cleaning is another issue and mouse decided to hire a cleaning service to handle it.  It will all work out.  It just doesn't leave mouse in mood to be delving deep into thoughts of her slavery to Omega.

We just keep going.

6 comments:

  1. Hugs mouse...sometimes just keep going is all you can do..i am in that mode myself right now...abby

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  2. When you're out and about , mouse, stop at one of the tree places and buy a few branches or garland. They look great on a mantle or table, and just a few will make the house smell like live tree.

    Sometimes, honey, you have to take a page from a kids movie,and "just keep swimming, just keep swimming".

    (((Hugs)))

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  3. Just sending *big hugs* to you all...

    turiya

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  4. Seems like you are helping him an an awful lot of ways, taking care of house/home, family, arrangements. That's not the fun or the fantasy part of it all, but I think it is the deepest part of a relationship - whatever you want to call that relationship. Doing what really needs to be done for the other person.

    I know what you mean about Christmas, it feels so contrived and wrong, feeling like you have to make the general spirit of your lives fit something dictated from outside, especially when it just doesn't. Sometimes i think you have to just ignore what the world says you should be and be what you need to be.

    I hope you are all able to find some peace and comfort in each other, and that everythign for the entertaining falls into place.

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  5. Hang in there Mouse ... It will all be okay ... we are right there with you but for different reasons ... We were robbed on the 10th so we lost our holiday spirit too!!

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  6. Hey, Mouse, My Christmas thing is a little off this year too, and I LOVE Christmas. So I'm sending you lots of warm wishes for Xmas spirit and the joy it can bring.

    aisha

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