Morning (really not much good about it),
This morning mouse played around with the idea of calling this post Confessions of a Lazy slave. Anything but perfect seemed to also fit. Daddy is doing much better these days, still a bit of limp and still some pain but overall much better. It's just that sometimes being 24/7 is soooooo taxing. Its just everyday all the time, kinda like 7-11, why even bother having locks on the doors? Daddy never needs a break from it, he never tires of it. There are times when mouse thinks perhaps he could, he'll be caring and loving and oh so vanilla! It's true and mouse begins to mentally ease and then it happens, he'll pull hard on that invisible leash that he holds so tightly in his hands. And mouse is back again, reminded of her place.
Is it true that no one can be 'on' all the time? Sometimes mouse feels like she needs a break from it all, but then again not. It's as though mouse will get so lazy about doing things and then he pulls on the leash and she's filled with such remorse and he pulls again harder demanding compliance. And she R-E-S-E-N-T-S it so much!
Then the tears come of regret, deep remorse and so many other things and it hurts so bad knowing that mouse let her Daddy down.
He sighs and reminds that it's part of living and learning, he holds her and whispers to her that its hard for him too. But it doesn't really matter, because at the end of the day, the burden is on mouse. It's never lifted and forgotten about, it's required that he has his expectations and she is supposed to be pleasing and fulfill his wishes and desires without question. It is expected that mouse follow his rules, ask for his guidance and accept his "No" as an answer.
Even if it hurts.
Even if it's for her own good.
Even if she has hard time seeing it.
Especially when she has a hard time seeing it.
So, mouse goes on, swallowing the bitter pill of no and resigned in the fact that he is who he is.