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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Mire before epiphany

Good morning,

Yesterday, it would seem mouse hit a wall of sorts, mentally.  Just found herself feeling super vulnerable. Now these moments hardly ever happen when Daddy's home, always when he's working.  And as luck would have it, it was an important work day for him.  Still, always making time he called to suggest that mouse meet him for lunch in his office.  Well, that was the message he left on the machine.

Instead, mouse pretended to be out.  Yes, something deep was troubling her and she knew what it was and why it was disturbing, but wasn't ready to talk to Daddy about it.  Isn't that always really the way?   Maybe it's true with most slaves, deep down they know exactly but they just can't bring themselves to say it out loud to their Dom, which is wrong but still true.  There's been this anonymous commenter on a blog mouse frequents and the comments were very disturbing.  In the end this person claimed -- do not really understand why they felt the strong need to justify their presence on her blog -- to be writing a paper for a class on modern-day slavery.

It got mouse thinking, did this person come to mouse's blog?  Were mouse's writings part of this anonymous person's research?  This individual obviously missed something profound about the lifestyle, anonymous wrongly assumed that every Master/slave relationship must be about pain.  Well, mouse can actually forgive that and it's a pity they felt that way, but there are those who truly crave pain and need to feel it, another point likely missed by anonymous.  This as true today as it was a few thousand years ago as well documented throughout history.

What really disturbed mouse was when this anonymous person outlined the reasons for the lifestyle being just wrong, are the exact reasons why we often can't share it with others and be out in the open about it all.

This anonymous person could have been guests at our home over the weekend.  They could watch mouse serving people and it made mouse wonder, could they tell?  It led really to mouse being extra quiet with people and it raised her anxiety.  Of course she made sure people were having a good time, drinks were filled the food passed around, etc.  Did people have mouse under a microscope?  Did they have a clue?

What did people really think, if they found mouse's blog would they leave her nasty comments?  Maybe they do, but Daddy refuses to publish them.

When Daddy came home from work, he found his drink waiting for him and mouse served him dinner shortly after that.  But still remained quiet, save for apologizing for her phone troubles.  He knew, of course that there was more but didn't press the issue until it was time for evening rituals.

During the rituals Daddy asked mouse in that direct fashion exactly what was bothering her and she told much of what she said above.  He didn't chastise mouse for not saying what she was feeling earlier and rather understood why mouse was mired in self-doubt.  Then he said something he told mouse that everyone wants to feel special and that was likely what most people see when they Daddy and mouse together or many of the other faceless couples who actively participate in our lifestyle.

The epiphany was that this anonymous person was only a kid, a student -- will assume in college -- but a kid nonetheless with a very black/white view of the world.  Young, idealistic and full of opinion but severely lacking any kind of grace that comes with age and experience.  In the end, they gave up a little too much of themselves, in a benign effort for further bolster their case and that was their personal undoing.  


10 comments:

  1. hi mouse, it is hard when one person's thoughtless or uninformed comment can cause so much anxiety so quickly....but then see how quickly another person's understanding makes all that anxiety go...and most of it done with silent confidence and reassurance......sending hugs.
    HSxx

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  2. *hugs in hopes to make it a little better*

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  3. Yikes, that does sound bad. There are lots of reasons I think someone might do that, and being young/having a black and white opinion is definitely one of them, but also expressing your insecurities. Clearly this person had some interest in this topic and is yet unable to understand it, so maybe he also feels left out? And so he tries to diminish it so he won't feel bad about that. I don't really know but it's definitely all about his issues and not yours or mine.

    And, if it helps, sometimes I do look at people, both strangers and friends and try to think if their actions indicate they might do D/s. My relationship isn't really one but I feel that I can relate more to it anyways because of the ideas of service and other things, whereas when I chat with women I know about their marriages it is all about conflict and doing the minimum, etc (especially when they have been together a long time). If I knew someone IRL who was D/s or M/s, I would be so excited. So, in the case of your party, people probably don't know but if they did, they might have a good opinion of it, not bad :)

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  4. I think that, for the most part, people like that particular anonymous say what they say because they don't understand how someone else can be happy in a lifestyle they find distasteful, and they are jealous because they themselves don't have a relationship that runs so deep.
    Also? People like attention. Lots of it. And many get it by putting other people down.
    Preferably people they don't actually know so they will never have to actually face the error of their views and the unnecessary unkindness of their approach.

    I'm not sure I'm making sense...I'm trying to quit leaving comments before I have had my coffee lol.

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  5. I'm sure we have all had situations in our lives that we look back on with age and experience and realize we could have done a whole lot different, with better results. Like you I didn't apply the same logic to ttwd. However, I will now. Thank you for that mouse and Omega :)
    Hopefully everyone can feel as special as I get to feel these days whether they are vanilla or kinky but I can definitely attest to ttwd being the best decision we have made for ourselves and our relationship.
    Hugs mouse,
    have a great day :)

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  6. mouse, I've read articles talking about the internet and angry people. The internet can do so many wonderful things for us, including giving us anonymity. It also gives angry people who may otherwise keep it to themselves, a way to spill their crap all over everyone else with virtually no consequences. I saw all those comments too, if that person was coming from a place of true care and concern, as I have seen some do, they wouldn't be saying what they were saying. I'm glad you worked it all out and I'm glad you wrote about it too. I have insecurities too and your post was helpful.
    Thanks!

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  7. My very wise and very old teacher told me something once during a difficult time in my life. It stuck with me all these years proving to be an invaluable bit of insight about humanity:

    "Haters gonna hate."

    There just isn't anything we can do about it except to laugh at them and then forget about them.

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  8. Mouse,

    You're absolutely right, whoever was doing the commenting anonymously was a kid, and not only was he/she a kid, but he/she has probably never had a research ethics class. The point of research is to be objective and to learn, and the researcher should never criticize or allow his/her personal opinions to influence the conclusions.

    I'm sorry the researcher caused you anxiety. It obviously was not professional.

    Joss

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  9. Okay... I was pretty much going to say what Joss said. It's quite obvious this person came into this biased and was not looking to learn, but to find fault. You could have painted a beautiful rosy picture of slavery and this person still would have found fault with it. It's really on them... not you. And as far as people in real life... somehow I feel like all they would see is a loving couple with a very devoted wife.

    If this person bothers you again sis, I can't beat them up for you! ;) LOL

    *hugs*

    turiya

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  10. Anonymous was a sexually frustrated individual desperate to "find themselves".

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