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Tuesday, May 10, 2011


Good morning,

This post is going to be a bit different it's not directed at submissives or Dominants and it's really not about lifestyle, although it fits within it.

It seems that men, Dominant or otherwise go through periods of internal confusion.  They turn inward on themselves, becoming mired in deep introspection.  This can because of a lot of reasons, they need space, are having work issues, money problems, health problems, or even family problems.  It's not really depression per se, although it can be part of it.  Now, mouse has theory, or an unproven hypothesis that when this happens they become mentally lost in themselves.

When Daddy was in rehab, mouse lit candles throughout the house so that in a weird symbolic way the house would shine brightly for him, so that he could find his way home.

When met with bad moods, it is somehow the inclination to hide from them under the guise that we're giving them space.  Really it's a form a self-protection to insulate ourselves from their stress.  Yet study after study show that human touch is so important.  With Autistic children when in the middle of huge melt-down, applying firm even pressure can help them calm.  There are specially trained dogs that sense when some of the kids are becoming overwhelmed and sit close beside them and it calms them down.  Now, not comparing a man's inner turmoil with an Autistic child's rage but the overall principle is kinda similar.

The other scenario is to become just as grumpy when they become that way.  When we're ignored or rebuffed, the other inclination is to become snide or sarcastic.  To say things we don't really mean but because feelings have been hurt by rejection, which leads often to fights.

What mouse didn't realize was that she could shine just as brightly to light his way through whatever darkness he faces, differently that he shines for mouse.  When he's turned introspective or in a mood, mouse shines for him.  This means that she lets him know that she's there mentally as well as physically.  At times she will simply sit at his feet, thumbing through book or magazine, just being close.  Not running away or hiding from his mood but absorbing it really like a sponge, because if she can...then he can see how brightly she shines for him.   Even if he tries to push her away she doesn't leave -- at least not completely.  If he yells, she says nothing in return.  Sitting close by, she can hear his finger tapping when he gets quiet and she shines for him.  Slowly it begins to permeate every part of his body and mouse can feel it.  His finger quiets, his mind settles and eventually his hand will find the top of mouse's head.  He'll pet her gently.

Just being there for him, absorbing whatever he puts out.  Remaining close and constant...just loving them and shining brightly for them.

It really works, not always overnight because it's not an instant cure.


  1. Mouse,
    I'm just figuring this out. It's like so much else, such a paradigm shift. It looks, and initially even sometimes feels, like letting yourself be walked all over. But seeing it as a way to be available and helpful and caring makes all the difference. You put this so well. How could someone not be convinced?

  2. mouse, this is such a beautiful post. I truly believe it too.

    Shine on...



  3. Thank you mouse, I think I need to remember this.

  4. so very insightful mouse

  5. I second what K said.

    Your hypothesis has been proven. I too have "burned brighter" when KinkyGent grows introspective and seems to lose his way. It brings him back and he's always so happy that I accept him...all of him.

    Great post.


  6. Mouse ... I think you are on to something. Daddy has been very preoccupied with something and I think I am going to try this. I have been working on sitting back and letting Him lead. Maybe this is one more way I can help Him find His way back to being my Daddy again!

    ~Big Hugs~

  7. Mouse,

    Lovely post!

    I can very much see the similarity with calming an autistic child.



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