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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

love so distant and obscure

Lifted from the private blog around early Feb. 2012 and rewritten for clarity and fresh eyes today.

Thoughts are often fleeting, a glance, a look whatever...sometimes unconciously we just do things. We don't mean for those things to be hurtful when they happen but they're taken that way, as almost an instinct.

Recently, after serving dinner, O reached and took mouse's hand about to kiss it affectionately the way he does, but instead paused.

"Where is your ring?" He wanted to know...

Now mouse looked down and sure enough her wedding ring was off her finger. Had we not been having so many issues and insecurities regarding our situation, he might not given it much thought. The wedding ring to us also represents something very sacred, almost like a collar and certainly holds a similar symbolism to us both. There's also a necklace he gave mouse that she's supposed to wear but that's much more forgiven if she doesn't; it's on a long chain and the baby likes to grab it :-)

The ring is not negotiable. It's not up for debate.

Of course there was a reason, she'd been making meatballs and took off the ring as she'll normally do when dinner is something messy. He didn't say much about it the reason and remained quiet. He didn't say get it and put it back on either. Maybe it was her own guilt...but instantly she became defensive. It doesn't have to mean anything she told herself. It was a lapse in memory that's all.

The thing is that right now things aren't right between us...we're trying to see a clear way to not let everything around us explode. Sometimes mouse wonders if we're just trying to just contain the blast from harming others.

By the sink it was sitting there and she made a big point of showing it to him and putting it back on. Not sure what the point really was. Maybe it was her own fears instead.

See mouse was afraid he was going to read more into it than there was...and by thinking that she ended up looking deeper into herself. Truthfully she's exhausted. Introspection just sucks.

Song selection: All By Myself; Eric Carmen