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Monday, February 27, 2012

Tongue-tied and twisted

Greetings from mouse,

We had a great weekend...lots of snowy fun. Spring tho, can't get here soon enough!

We talked a lot..well, we've been communicating really well tho..saying what needs to be said...not always how it should be said tho. Yesterday morning, mouse made him smile, we had the baby in bed with us when mouse blurted out..

"Yanno, mouse doesn't want to be victim."

"No, mouse?

"Don't want to be a survivor tho either...too much responsibility."

"Seems reasonable, mouse," he said, playing with the baby.

"Maybe, mouse will just be the lady with a past...doesn't that sound better?"

He snorted and agreed the lady with a past was much more interesting sounding...

But that's just it, life is interesting. And if mouse's life had to happen this way, to get to this's ok to just have a past? But as Omega pointed out, it can't come at the expense of the future.

The soul intention is learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try
Song selection: Learning to Fly; David Gilmour


  1. I like the sound of lady with a past. It reinforces that it is the past but it always makes you a part of who you are. Which is a strong beautiful person.

  2. Very sweet. I remember some of my favorite conversations with my other half took place in our bed with one of our little ones between us. We always seemed to speak nicer to each other when little ears were present. I'm so happy y'all are working through this.


  3. Mouse, I applaud your desire not to see yourself as a victim or a survivor. Those kinds of terms become reductive. And I wish you the very best in your attempt to keep the past behind you. However, the past hasn't gone away; it's with you and Omega everyday in your relations with each other. As you say, your life had to happen the way it did to get you to where you are today. Which is a wonderful place. But not everything that happened to get you here was good. You said earlier, you don't like the term "forgive." Instead, you said your philosophy is that "it is what it is," or "it was what it was." I think there is a difference between "forgiving" and "accepting." I wonder if you have truly accepted, let alone forgiven, Omega for what he did or didn't do for you. Have you forgiven him for not recognizing you as a victim and rescuing you earlier? Or have you forgiven him for seeing you as a victim in the first place? Omega said you didn't accept the magnitude of what had happened to you. Do you think part of that "unwillingness" is because you can't fully acknowledge his part in the abuse you suffered?

    1. We both had issues with the past. While he thoroughly admitted his role in things...he couldn't understand how mouse could say she's ok with it. He was angry about could mouse say she's ok...

      We talked it out...we accept our positions.

      We're really in a better place now than we were a few days ago.


  4. mouse,

    So glad to see you are working through things. Communication any way it happens is what matters.

    When I was having a very rough time a couple of years ago, I found a song that moved me and your song selection made me thing of it.

    Defying Gravity from Wicked. I love the play on words of the title.

    Take care,


  5. Im jealous of the snow, i live on the coast so we rarely get it the last time being nearly 2 years ago and the children loved it...ok im a big kid myself i did to lol

    Loving the lady with a past thought, gives you almost a mysterious aura, the past cant be changed, but the future is there for the taking.

    best wishes

    tori x

  6. We are the sum of all of the things in our pasts

    and yes -- I have my moments when I think I would go back in time and rewrite my history

    but then -- I wouldn't be this girl

    and I would not have this girl's happiness.

    hugs mouse -- glad you're back


  7. mouse, I don't know all the details of your story, but I recognize and resonate with that not wanting to play the part of "victim." One of the tools I've used to help me see the roots of my own traumas, and learn to live in spite of those hurts is this workbook:

    It is not easy to work through. Very challenging. Perhaps, though, you might find it helpful.

    Sue (swan)

    1. Thanks for your comments...every word rang true. Ordered the workbook and will be using it (along with the other one Aisha mentioned). Thank you for your friendship.


  8. “Contrary to what we may have been taught to think, unnecessary and unchosen suffering wounds us but need not scar us for life. It does mark us. What we allow the mark of our suffering to become is in our own hands.”
    ― bell hooks, All About Love: New Visions

    From another "lady with a past," with much love,



    This is another workbook that some people have found helpful. I use parts of it with my clients. It's called The PTSD Workbook, by Marybeth Williams.

    aisha (who is resisting stepping into "therapist mode.")

    1. Got it for the kindle app. Thanks for the suggestion. Omega is going to help mouse work through it...


  10. You are right on the money with the very loaded terms of victim and survivor. When you think about it, survivor is the description we use for people who live through plane crashes, ships sinking, etc. They were a victim and merely survived the incident.
    How about "Thriver"? Not only have you moved past the abuse, but you have thrived. Look at your life, at your new baby, at your home and your heart. Evidence that you and Omega are working through this, communicating, and loving.
    Yes. I think Thriver describes you very well. My admiration for you both is immense.


  11. Mouse, what an insightful post. You have a loving spirit.


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