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Monday, May 7, 2012

Half a page of scribbled lines

Sometimes, maybe because our dynamic is 24/7, we do sometimes argue or bicker with one another. They say the most common thing for couples to argue about is money -- at least for most. Maybe we're no exception. Sometimes Daddy will look in the fridge or a cabinet and get upset with what he finds. For the most part, mouse tries hard to remain calm, but all to often he'll zero in on one thing that wasn't eaten fully and becomes annoyed.

When he's annoyed, mouse will say everyone suffers. Now, it's not that he's really concerned about the one slice of smoked turkey left behind, but let's say the bag of cookies are left wide open, and maybe an half empty jar of baby food and some fruit salad. Daddy can't help but to mentally add the cost.

During those times, while mouse knows fully its not really about the $2 of wasted food, it's about other stuff...the food is the catalyst. It's not the real issue, yet it seems mouse can't help but to take the bait. It's sad but true. The defensive feelings rise and mouse feels wounded. The wounded feelings give way to hostility, which leads to sarcasm.

All that is bad, very bad, because it just gets mouse into trouble, which leads to being reprimanded; it's a long and winding road that leads to closure.



Song selection: Time; R. Waters.

22 comments:

  1. Oh mouse, if you guys didn't bicker I'd be surprised. It's the norm. H hates it when I have all the lights on in the house, and the tv on when no one is watching. And sarcasm...well that's one habit I've never been able to break. ;)
    Thinking of you,
    mg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. mg,

      Sarcasm is a tough one...but Daddy for the most part, kinda enjoys mouse's sarcasm, so long as it isn't directed at him.

      Unfortunately, it often is...LOL

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  2. Yeah it sucks how such little things explode into life altering decisions at times. Hugs

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. mindset,

      That's very true and mouse knows it's also something that you understand.

      Hugs (and lots of them)
      mouse

      Delete
  3. I understand the feeling. My "H" hates to see things wasted by myself or our girls, and it's also not always about the food or product in general.

    I get defensive in turn and end up punished in the long run.
    I don't know why I can't just ignore it when he gets that way. It's like I'm drawn to the defense and rise, though I can guess the outcome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Emi,

      Yep, exactly. It's hard not to take the bait....and mouse will try...she'll offer a quick apology at first but sometimes...he just keeps needling the subject yanno?

      "Sorry Daddy, will try harder not to let that happen."

      "Mouse did you see this? What about this (poking his head way in the back) it is completely rancid and I haven't a clue what it once was..."

      Oh and don't let him go into the vegetable bin and find a wiggling carrot...LOL It's hard not to try to defend yourself...

      It ends up getting bad...

      "well maybe mouse could see better if she didn't have to look around 50 bottles of hot sauce all the time."

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  4. Maybe because we've been married so long and I know it is a part of his personality to point out waste, what he considers illogical thinking, etc....I no longer get defensive or upset. Example: I was shredding old papers etc. Left it plugged in. Later that evening...questions: Did you use the shredder? Me: Yes... Him: You left it plugged in. Me: So... Him: Feel the plug. Is it warm? Me: Yes... Him: Its warm because it was using a bit of electricity even with the shredder turned off. That's why I always point out and remind you when you leave....long speech followed. I listened, smiled and promised to be much more careful in the future. He shook his head and said, "What would you do if I wasn't here to take care of things?" I smile and reply, "Fall apart, I guess." Then kiss his cheek and says thanks. Now that works much better than when I used to get defensive and argue because of something he said. Learn to ignore the small stuff and smile while doing it.

    Hugs
    Joyce

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joyce,

      Oh he hates hates hates the lights being left on...Sometimes mouse is downstairs with the baby and kiddo has EVERY light switched on...LOL. Of course mouse doesn't know it, unless she goes upstairs for some reason...which normally she doesn't.

      Really need to go back to the old schedule of just cleaning out the fridge and freezer once a week...

      And really that's all he's trying to say to mouse...

      Most days, she can do exactly as you said...and does it very well...there are just times (and those times are normally when mouse is already feeling stressed or inadequate about other issues) when it's just hard to accept it...

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  5. It always come back to closure, but what the heck would we do with out it? Needing the closure is sometimes frightening.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. dancingbarez,

      Yep, we do need closure..don't know if guys really care about it...Or maybe their closure comes from just being right..lol.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  6. oh im terrible for being sarcastic however i do try (and often fail) to keep it contained to my blog, i think its a defence mechanism when i feel that im being attacked for no valid reason.

    I do think its normal though even within an M/s dynamic to have what i call bickering moments when there isnt a huge argument as such but rather nit picking...which can be brought about by the most trivil of things.

    best wishes
    tori x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tori,

      Excellent point, we dont' have a lot of big blowups...little minor things...But those minor things can really make us nuts...

      We don't have huge blowups mostly because he's HOH. If he wants more TV channels he can do it, mouse has NO control at all over that and LIKES that.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  7. I'm processing things like this quite intensely right now, on my blog and in my head, and with Mistress. We have far to many arguments and sometimes downright fights over similar things - she does something that scares/angers/annoys me, or I do something she interprets as disrespectful, and unfortunately we both react with defensive mechanisms and hostility. It takes a lot of energy, compared to the small things that sets it off.

    If you guys figure out some magic "fix-it-all" method, toss it our way, please?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The simplest way is to just admit your wrong (if even you think you're right). It does take a lot of energy to argue...

      But once in a while, arguments can clear the air in a way that talking it out doesn't.

      Daddy rarely scares mouse with his temper (not to suggest there hasn't been times that he did) but when those times did happen, mouse disengaged at once.

      Wish mouse could be more helpful to you,
      Hugs,
      mosue

      Delete
  8. this happens everywhere!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep it does

      Sin, so glad you're back!

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  9. I think every couple has their thing - i keep hoping one (me) or both of us will figure out how to finally outgrow it. We're better, but still each have our moments.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ya, not sure if it will EVER really go away...there are always things that will annoy you...

      Truthfully once mouse made a list of EVERYTHING that drives mouse crazy that Daddy does...

      Long time ago there was an episode of The Simpsons where Homer and Marge went to a couple's retreat and Marge told EVERYTHING about Homer that annoyed her...Night turned into day...as she went through the list...

      At the time mouse didn't get that joke -- or at least the way she does now...

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  10. aww -- it's really the only advantage of the LTR that we get to avoid the bickery stuff.

    (don't tell O but I let the ham in the freezer get freezer burned)

    sigh

    sfp

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sfp


      OOOOOOH dont' get mouse started on freezer burned stuff...Really...please...That's when he goes from adding up pennies to adding up dollars..

      And it's a short trip...

      But you're right being long distance you avoid those pratfalls...It's a bit of a tradeoff maybe?

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  11. Sounds dreadfully normal, i would think. If it wasn't money it would be something else equally mundane.

    hugs,

    aisha

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    Replies
    1. Aisha,

      You're right. It would be something else and often is...it can be a lack of clean socks or underwear...Or simply discovering there isn't any coffee in the house on the one day he wants a cup...LOL

      Sometimes he's like a lightening rod.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete

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