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Friday, May 25, 2012

Tell Me Where Your Freedom Lies

It was late Wednesday afternoon, mouse was being still and contemplating the term equal but different. Many people seem to think submission is the same as inferior. While mouse is subservient to Daddy, she is not less than he is. We are equally important to make our relationship work. There is this dichotomy to our dynamic -- and it's needed in order to exchange power.

Daddy thrives when he is in control and is naturally that way with everyone, while mouse is the polar opposite of that. What's funny is that she's always been that way. Oddly, you'd think mouse's personality is completely eclipsed by Daddy, but we compliment each other. Daddy has expectations of behavior that mouse seemed to understand instinctively from the beginning. He always shows great patience when dealing with mouse and seems to take pride in the fact she belongs to him.

Likewise mouse is much more confident when she's with Daddy. Odd how that works, yet true. When we're together mouse can more readily find her voice or stifle it at will. Often we send signals to each other that are missed by others. Like a silent conversation.

Over dinner as we talked about our respective day, mouse tho, remained contemplative and deep in her mind. Still, even with her head bubbling with thoughts, she made sure Daddy had everything he needed. Later, he genuinely wanted to know if something were bothering mouse.

Naturally, mouse assured him that nothing was troubling her, well mostly.

As time passed mouse finally started explaining and prefaced the thoughts. Daddy encourages mouse to read about all facets or flavors of D/s. Recently, mouse had stumbled upon numerous websites written by submissive men. These all seemed to have thing in common. They all put down men as being inferior to women -- any woman, even submissive ones. One even suggested that female submission was nothing more than a clever ruse to control men. Another proclaimed based on his own preferences and skewed observations that all women will very quickly rise up and take control of the world.

Within the lifestyle, there are always countless debate about who amoung us is submissive. Or submissive enough. This odd line of thinking leaves mouse baffled. Why would people put themselves down like that? Why would a Dominant encourage that kind of thought? Yet, it seems it is. Maybe it's just lip service and posturing, or they're tied up in the trappings of how they feel it should be, without considering it further. So let's be clear, mouse doesn't serve Daddy because he's superior to her -- she serves him because she's compelled to by her nature. In this, she was never forced and Daddy never makes her feel bad about herself. Nor would he tolerate in anyway her running off the mouth and talking about his superiority in all things. Daddy is the first in line to admit he's not perfect and has made many stellar mistakes -- just like mouse has done. Equality -- we both share responsibility for the success and failures of our dynamic. In our marriage and in our life, these duties while different are intrinsicly connected. Relationships shouldn't be about groveling at another's feet proclaiming their superiority. It's about being pleasing and giving what is needed. It's about demonstrating how much you care about that other person. Not about proclaiming the world is going the same way with your line of thinking or cherry-picking quotes from individuals with highly suspect motives. Because mouse is first to admit that not all men are worthy and it could also stand to reason that not all women are either.

Daddy controls (or dominates) and leads -- mouse capitulates (willingly surrenders) to his authority and follows. Without this our relationship certainly wouldn't last. We would both be very unfulfilled.

Song selection: The Crystal Ship; The Doors

 

26 comments:

  1. ooh mouse this post has given me lots to think about but i like that.

    I will be honest im one of those that question my submission am i good enough?, am i submissive enough? etc and its something that infuriates the bossman when i get like that.

    I will say i am better now than what i used to be years ago, i would love to give an exact understanding reason why i have and occassionally still think this way but i cant because i dont know.

    I think a lot stems from my own insecurities which over the years that i have been with the bossman he has worked with me on getting past them so we have both been aware its an issue.

    I would compare myself to other submissives and measure myself and always felt that i fell short of behaving and acting as a sub should..which is not i now accept a healthy thing to do.

    Now male subs (and i mean no offence to any that may read this) i have found do tend to go to the other extreme...there submission always seems to be more i dont know intense..not sure thats the word im looking for..they put women on a pedestal to be worshipped..it tends to be more physical for men in in my limited experience..wheres perhaps for women its more the mental aspect??? i dont know now im rambling to myself...sorry.

    Equality..now im really not sure how i stand on this because my opinions have changed over the years, i certainly dont see all men as being better than me dominant or not, i look up to my Master as is the nature of our relationship but i dont think he is necessarily a better person than me.

    Being equal as people i get but yet its not i feel a relationship that is equal but now im still unsure about this..hence your blog making me think so im going to leave it there...coz im pretty sure this is as long as your blog lol

    tori x

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    1. Hey tori,

      Thanks for your thoughts. We're equal but different and that was the point. Many people will say in ANY D/s dynamic the sub is the one with all the power. Which kinda makes the Dom sound a bit like a puppet for the sub's real wishes. And frankly mouse is wondering if that's what goes on in FemDom type relationships.

      In Daddy's and mouse's dynamic mouse has given up the right to such power. Even leaving isn't really an option (safety and common sense aside); so his control isn't an illusion -- at least for us it's very real.

      People will also say there's a difference between control and power. However in this context, mouse sees them as being one in the same.

      Thanks again for your thoughts and hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  2. Wow. Thank you for a very thoughtful and brilliant post. As a submissive male, I agree with everything that you have said about equality within a D/s relationship.

    Well done,
    joey

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    1. Thank you!!! Will admit mouse lurks on your blog, and likes it. For some oddball reason, mouse felt that all male subs looked at the D/s in a similar fashion as female subs.

      Thank you so much for your comment. And mouse apologizes for taking so long to reply.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  3. I've always thought you've done a beautiful job describing your relationship with Omega.
    I'm not 100% sure but I think the relationships you describe are based on fear. The fear of the Dom(me) losing perceived control(or real control) of their sub/slave.
    Unless they both get off on the "fear factor" which I guess some maybe do...no relationship D/s or
    vanilla is going to work in the long run if it's based on one's fears.
    Of course this is just my opinion.
    I've always wanted H to be proud of me(as I am of him).
    If I were constantly grovelling at his feet...1. I wouldn't get much accomplished and 2. there wouldn't be much for him to be proud of.
    Capitulation has always been one of my favourite words and I think describes how I feel. Everything I've done vanilla or otherwise has been done willingly. In order to please but also to LOVE.
    I love the way you describe your relationship. Your words illicit feelings and pictures in my mind and everyday it's a joy to read your words(and Omega's too).
    Thank you,
    mg

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    1. mg,

      Thanks for your thoughts. Dunno if it's based on fear or if it's just this odd way of topping from below (all the you're so much more worthy than i groveling that goes on).

      Honestly, mouse would have a hard time respecting anyone that does that. Truthfully, even those who did it in a business setting with the hopes of getting ahead...well it drove mouse nuts.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  4. Very insightful post mouse. My first thought is why the need to compare in the first place?

    When you described you and your Daddy and your relationship as being complementary I identified strongly with that. We fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. We are the center of the puzzle, the life we build together completes the puzzle as we put the pieces in. It's purely our choice what pieces we choose to make our picture :)

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    1. faerie,

      Thank you for your thoughts on this and the puzzle piece is accurate. Daddy often call us opposite sides of the same coin -- which like your puzzle-piece analogy fits.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  5. "...all women will quickly rise up and take control of the world" from a submissive male. That's his wishful thinking. Won't ever happen, if it did we probably wouldn't have any wars.

    No one gender is inferior to the other. We each (male & female) have our strengths and weakness. In a viable relationship we complement one another's personality, style or whatever you wish to call it.

    Your thoughts: "Equality -- we both share responsibility for the success and failures of our dynamic. It's about being pleasing and giving what is needed. It's about demonstrating how much you care about that other person." concisely says it all, regardless of what kind of relationship (M/s, O/p, bdsm or vanilla) one has.

    Thanks
    Joyce

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    1. Hi Joyce,

      Thanks as always for sharing your thoughts! Agree with everything, except for the wars part. Dunno about that. Honestly, mouse thinks women can be every bit as hostile as men can and just as sadistic and vicious. In fact in the past women got a huge pass on their abominations because they were seen as incapable of atrocity.

      While some might temper that a bit (at least we'd hope) there are some (many) who might feel differently.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  6. mouse, thank you for this lovely and very well-thought out post. This is exactly how I feel. I added it to our favorite posts page.

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  7. Sometimes I fall into the trap of wondering if I'm being submissive enough... but now I've changed that enough to enough for US. Its our dynamic and am I following our relationship and rules? Am I submitting to HIM in the right way. To hell with everyone else!

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    1. Lea -- Exactly!!! That's very much the way mouse looks at it.

      Delete
  8. Mouse, I completely agree, I'm not less than him, but I am submissive to him. I have to admit I flinch a little at subservient, but I guess I am that too. Our relationship is complementary rather than equal. Nice post.

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  9. I don't think either one is inferior either....both are equal just different roles. For the reasons you mentioned is the reasons why I don't read male submissive blogs.

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    1. trazuredpet,

      Honestly Daddy has forbidden mouse from reading them now too.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  10. So beautifully said, Mouse. Thanks for finding the words to express this from your perspective.

    i think sometimes male submissives feel like they need to elevate women's status to ~ i don't know, justify their own submission? i shouldn't try to speak for them, and that's some kind of stereotype anyhow. Maybe i should just say that i think i don't understand the ins and outs of that dynamic in all it's possible manifestations nearly as well as i do M/f submission.

    But i'm glad it made you think all this out. Thanks again, Mouse.

    aisha

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    1. aisha,

      You could be right, certainly from that one blog mouse had read -- the thing is mouse reads Under Contract to my Wife; Mystress's blog and some others written by Domme's and NEVER ONCE received the impression they were better or worse than their counterparts.

      Silly mouse thought most thought the same way...So when she stumbled upon the femDom stuff...it was odd for her.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  11. Been a lurker for a while, so anyways, thanks for sharing with us, as a guy who self-identifies as a dominant, but without any actual experience, I always enjoy reading about such a dynamic as yours and Omega's actually works, for hopeful future reference.
    My take on the the whole sex (male/female) D/s divide is that, generally speaking females trend towards submission, and makes towards dominance.
    the culture and upbringing can influence it, but generally speaking most women enjoy having their hair pulled and their ass smacked during sex, and most guys, once they realize they're not going to jail for it, are more than happy to oblige.
    There are always exceptions though, thus the whole "it's a spectrum" mental shrug.
    Since like you, having stumbled across male sub related stuff in my general interest in D/s in general,I found myself curious as to what makes such dynamics work, since the whole thing seems vaguely "un-natural"in the broadest possible sense, atty last tip me.
    While I don't have any definitive answers other than the general, done progress just have a masochistic streak, and hormone level generalizations (high testosterone women tend to have man-jaws and high sex drive, high-estrogen guys tend to have soft features and be extra emotional), I do have some general observations over how femdom seems to work.
    -Straight femdom fiction seems to mainly be fantasy fulfillment written by men masquerading as women.
    -Femdom dynamics tend to revolve primarily around humiliation, however whereas in maldom relationships, humiliation send to consist mostly of making your girl do "dirty" things, then tease her about liking it, femdom humiliation seems to be meaner and revolve around telling the sub he's intrinsically worthless.
    -Femdom relationships seem more inherently unstable, as few women seem to be able to maintain one out of personal desire long-term, without it degenerating into cuckoldry, which is often that one step too far for the sub over the long-term, if she doesn't decide to just leave him for the more alpha male anyway.
    -Overall femdom just seems "meaner" in general.
    -Femdom seems to be driven more by the male sub trying to get a fix, then by a female urge to dom. Thus the whole profit-driven "professional dominatrix" type. Most girls who do it professionally don't seem to indulge it in their personal lives, but instead see it as a lucrative possibly amusing sideline, but nothing more.
    -I find it interesting to note that among straight women at least, female doms tend to be switches instead of straight doms, and for the role to change depending on who they're with. Male doms, not so much.

    And to anonymous, the whole "if women were in charge we probably wouldn't have any more wars"better have been tongue in cheek, queens tend to have bloodier reigns historically.

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    1. SK Sir,

      Welcome!!! You made so many wonderful points that mouse can't begin to cover them all at least at the risk of repeating herself.

      Omega has known more than a few Domme types over the years and more than one ended up offering themselves to him -- which he felt was a little weird and denied the request -- because it would ruin the friendship. Some would and might argue those women weren't real Domme's...dunno, can't speak to that at all.

      Delete
  12. Oh, and I forgot, one last thing, I agree with aisha, I thing male subs do the whole "all women are better" thing to justify their proclivities, since guys generally think systematically, and it allows them to avoids facing the fact they tend to be outliers.
    Where's I've lost count of the number of "I'm a full blown, dyed in the wool feminist of the most extreme streak, who sees the patriarchy lurking behind every tree" types who end up subs in personal relationships, and ardently argue the two don't affect each other.

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    1. Yanno aisha is a very smart cookie!! But you're right there are those feminist types who do totally submit to their man's authority. Not any man but the man they found worthy.

      That aspect has always fascinated mouse....and maybe goes along with the idea of those Dommes who offered themselves to Omega. They might have seen his authority or ways of command being intoxicating.

      And mouse truly can't speak well enough of her feminist sisters who blazed the trail before her, because they have afforded mouse with the choice to live the life she desires most.

      Hugs and thanks again for reading,
      mouse

      Delete
  13. Damned phone keyboard autocorrect... I need to remember to preview next time, to avoid technology turning reasoned commentary into gobbledygook.
    " atty last tip me." becomes "at least to me" other comprehensible, but poorly capitalized and misspelled portions, of which I see a few, are it's fault.
    If the editor could fix those and then delete this, that would work too.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Wish we could! Blogger doesn't let us edit comments....and for some reason can't copy or paste them either...(at least on the iPad). But did notice it and saw it as a Damnyouautocorrect moment!

      So instead of trying to delete it and repost it (which would knock it out of order too), we'll just leave it with your explanation.

      Hugs and hope that you continue to comment in the future!
      mouse

      Delete

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