The subjugation of mouse
Subjugation is a bad word; it suggests a lack of choice. The word conjures up mental images of female circumcision, veils and walking three feet behind the man. It's a word feminists will scream loudly about. Submission, we will often say must be consensual. We talk about the gift of submission, offering ourselves to a Dom we find worthy.
Here's a different way of looking at it, years before mouse didn't simply offer her submission to Daddy. Instead she begged for his control over her life or in essence begging for his gift of Dominance. The cold truth was that mouse needed it, and kept it hidden or masked under a veil of consent. Submission can be very difficult and a struggle, even if you're crazy about the person -- the way mouse is for Daddy. That's natural because everyone wants to feel they have some measure of control over their life. Maybe that's where the notion of submission being a gift came into being. If the Dominant doesn't take care of it, the gift can be taken back -- and re-gifted to someone else.
The subjugation of mouse didn't happen overnight, but over the course of our time together. Slowly, Daddy has broken through each one of mouse's defenses. Have we made mistakes along the way? Of course we have. We were both charting a new course. We had to do things differently than had been done in the past.
All these thoughts came out recently, when Daddy gave mouse a private assignment. He told mouse it was something he needed to know, and not for public consumption unless we both felt it was appropriate. Daddy asked mouse to make a list of what she enjoyed about her time with Alpha. His thought process was, since we were together a little more than a decade, it couldn't be all bad. It hadn't started awful. Had it, mouse can safely say she wouldn't have stayed.
So mouse took a day and a half and constructed the list. It was surprising to her what she adored the most those first 5 years or so, was what she feared the most during the last 4. A year or more was likely spent in transition between it all...where mouse began seeing rumblings of hard sadism and issues. The last 4 years were just hell on earth, where each day mouse wondered if she would literally survive to see the next day. Where in her mind, there wasn't any choice save for enduring it all. Ironically, during those last 5 years or so, mouse rarely saw Omega outside of work. Our "private time," was sparse and infrequent. Tho, he was there to "rescue or aid," mouse a few times.
While Daddy said its not appropriate or needed to share the list, which he read yesterday over lunch, he did feel the results were worthy. What we learned was mouse was happiest when she felt Alpha's control -- especially during the first blush of her growing submission. Those first years weren't oppressive (tho there was always a hint of something bad on the horizon). And to be sure mouse would never have gotten into her career had it not been for Alpha -- it's also likely she and Daddy wouldn't be together if not for Alpha. There also needs saying there wasn't a lot of good, and side by side, far more bad. But the assignment was to focus on the good.
Daddy said mouse seemed to enjoy the feelings of being conquered. Together we took it all apart bit by bit, for hours last night. None of this was new to Daddy, he's known most of this since he's known mouse. Since mouse has never properly dealt with her time with alpha, it was news to her.
We spent a lot of discussing what a reader described as brain-washing that went on, or what Daddy called the negative side to forced helplessness. Where the subject is pushed to the point where they are powerless to stop the ritual abuse, they develop strong feelings for their abuser and become fearful of being without them. At least with mouse she rationalized it all that way.
We highlighted the stark contrasts between what went on years ago, to how Daddy makes her feel today. How does his control feel?
We talked for many hours, stopping only to do rituals and meditate and it was during that time, things began clicking into place. Yes! It's true, mouse feels the most safe when she's contained, when she feels his control over her so thoroughly that she's essentially subjugated by Daddy. He needs it to have that control and mouse wants it -- to feel his power, strength and love so completely that she can't move and held in containment. Much like the feelings she gets from wearing a plug or worshipping Daddy's cock. It requires him to be active in his dominance, just as she's active in bringing him pleasure -- sexual, physical or mental. But the contrast is those feelings didn't come through abuse but just by Daddy's love for mouse. The more he gave her of his control in a healthy way, the more power and trust mouse gave to him.
Recently, Daddy's been showing mouse that he can indeed control her -- and make her feel that resisting his control is useless -- without wielding a whip. Before in order for mouse to feel that control, she needed to feel that searing pain (Alpha's handiwork in the latter years). He's tied her up, open and helpless to him and it was such a turn on knowing there was nothing she could do. Like when he forced her to wear a diaper, because you can't fight something that's duct-taped to your body. It can't be removed. It's best to just submit -- because your powerless to do anything about it anyway...
These feelings of being, for lack of a better term, subjugated or made to submit was where mouse really got off. It's important to say, mouse trusts him so thoroughly and deep down knows he'd never do anything to diminish that. Feeling free while bound -- the freedom of the ropes, being bereft of choice and of voice is just bliss. Feeling Daddy's power while mouse is powerless. But what's really shocking...
It's that mouse feels more empowered. The struggling against the binds is over. The freedom in slavery. And when we're alone or out in public mouse can let those feelings for him just shine.
Song selection: Under My Thunb; Keith Richards, Mick Jagger