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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The Sweetest hmm Pet in the World

The subjugation of mouse

Subjugation is a bad word; it suggests a lack of choice. The word conjures up mental images of female circumcision, veils and walking three feet behind the man. It's a word feminists will scream loudly about. Submission, we will often say must be consensual. We talk about the gift of submission, offering ourselves to a Dom we find worthy.

Here's a different way of looking at it, years before mouse didn't simply offer her submission to Daddy. Instead she begged for his control over her life or in essence begging for his gift of Dominance. The cold truth was that mouse needed it, and kept it hidden or masked under a veil of consent. Submission can be very difficult and a struggle, even if you're crazy about the person -- the way mouse is for Daddy. That's natural because everyone wants to feel they have some measure of control over their life. Maybe that's where the notion of submission being a gift came into being. If the Dominant doesn't take care of it, the gift can be taken back -- and re-gifted to someone else.

The subjugation of mouse didn't happen overnight, but over the course of our time together. Slowly, Daddy has broken through each one of mouse's defenses. Have we made mistakes along the way? Of course we have. We were both charting a new course. We had to do things differently than had been done in the past.

All these thoughts came out recently, when Daddy gave mouse a private assignment. He told mouse it was something he needed to know, and not for public consumption unless we both felt it was appropriate. Daddy asked mouse to make a list of what she enjoyed about her time with Alpha. His thought process was, since we were together a little more than a decade, it couldn't be all bad. It hadn't started awful. Had it, mouse can safely say she wouldn't have stayed.

So mouse took a day and a half and constructed the list. It was surprising to her what she adored the most those first 5 years or so, was what she feared the most during the last 4. A year or more was likely spent in transition between it all...where mouse began seeing rumblings of hard sadism and issues. The last 4 years were just hell on earth, where each day mouse wondered if she would literally survive to see the next day. Where in her mind, there wasn't any choice save for enduring it all. Ironically, during those last 5 years or so, mouse rarely saw Omega outside of work. Our "private time," was sparse and infrequent. Tho, he was there to "rescue or aid," mouse a few times.

While Daddy said its not appropriate or needed to share the list, which he read yesterday over lunch, he did feel the results were worthy. What we learned was mouse was happiest when she felt Alpha's control -- especially during the first blush of her growing submission. Those first years weren't oppressive (tho there was always a hint of something bad on the horizon). And to be sure mouse would never have gotten into her career had it not been for Alpha -- it's also likely she and Daddy wouldn't be together if not for Alpha. There also needs saying there wasn't a lot of good, and side by side, far more bad. But the assignment was to focus on the good.

Daddy said mouse seemed to enjoy the feelings of being conquered. Together we took it all apart bit by bit, for hours last night. None of this was new to Daddy, he's known most of this since he's known mouse. Since mouse has never properly dealt with her time with alpha, it was news to her.

We spent a lot of discussing what a reader described as brain-washing that went on, or what Daddy called the negative side to forced helplessness. Where the subject is pushed to the point where they are powerless to stop the ritual abuse, they develop strong feelings for their abuser and become fearful of being without them. At least with mouse she rationalized it all that way.

We highlighted the stark contrasts between what went on years ago, to how Daddy makes her feel today. How does his control feel?

We talked for many hours, stopping only to do rituals and meditate and it was during that time, things began clicking into place. Yes! It's true, mouse feels the most safe when she's contained, when she feels his control over her so thoroughly that she's essentially subjugated by Daddy. He needs it to have that control and mouse wants it -- to feel his power, strength and love so completely that she can't move and held in containment. Much like the feelings she gets from wearing a plug or worshipping Daddy's cock. It requires him to be active in his dominance, just as she's active in bringing him pleasure -- sexual, physical or mental. But the contrast is those feelings didn't come through abuse but just by Daddy's love for mouse. The more he gave her of his control in a healthy way, the more power and trust mouse gave to him.

Recently, Daddy's been showing mouse that he can indeed control her -- and make her feel that resisting his control is useless -- without wielding a whip. Before in order for mouse to feel that control, she needed to feel that searing pain (Alpha's handiwork in the latter years). He's tied her up, open and helpless to him and it was such a turn on knowing there was nothing she could do. Like when he forced her to wear a diaper, because you can't fight something that's duct-taped to your body. It can't be removed. It's best to just submit -- because your powerless to do anything about it anyway...

These feelings of being, for lack of a better term, subjugated or made to submit was where mouse really got off. It's important to say, mouse trusts him so thoroughly and deep down knows he'd never do anything to diminish that. Feeling free while bound -- the freedom of the ropes, being bereft of choice and of voice is just bliss. Feeling Daddy's power while mouse is powerless. But what's really shocking...

It's that mouse feels more empowered. The struggling against the binds is over. The freedom in slavery. And when we're alone or out in public mouse can let those feelings for him just shine.

Song selection: Under My Thunb; Keith Richards, Mick Jagger

 

27 comments:

  1. For me, that description of the dominant one as an active agent, giving the gift of control and domination, resonates with my life and my needs. I too need that containment, need someone else to actively control me and my life, actually in order to be myself. When I'm owned, I'm the most of me. Should be a contradiction, but isn't really.

    Good exercise, that one of the good things with alpha. People, all people, do what they do for a reason, either to gain something or to avoid something. Sometimes, unnecessary guilt can be lifted when one realises that what one did was rational and reasonable in the context, with the knowledge and experiences and environment one was in at that time.

    Hugs!

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    1. Thanks c!

      Everyone has something that really turns them on. For some it's being told what to do, others it's service or being used as an object, for mouse it's about knowing he's in control and feeling in a healthy way, powerless to do anything other than submit to his authority.

      It feels like such a slippery slope, but it places mouse into such a wonderful headspace!

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  2. This is very powerful. Thank you. jade

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  3. beautifully explained and hits me at a core level. I've often wondered that the gift of submission and the act of begging for dominance is the same, or similar. gives me much to think about. Even good things come out of bad experiences. Funny I was just thinking/posting about that yesterday. Some of the best things I've ever experienced eventually ended badly or started from an equally bad place. I wonder why that is. Going to have to give that more thought.
    thank you for writing it so well,
    mg

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    1. mg,

      Honestly mouse doesn't see them as the same. Technically when you give someone a gift, you cannot control how it's used.....yet that seems to be the crux of the submission is a gift argument. They can control how it's used and taken back for whatever reason strikes them. Asking or begging for their control seems to force capitulation on our part. We have to repeatedly surrender and keep in mind this is exactly what we asked for.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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    2. I guess that's the part that I get hung up on. In the act of giving the gift of submission am I also begging for his dominance? If I'm honest with myself I'm not sure. And asking him to give me something doesn't feel right either. But I've asked him for many things in hindsight.
      It's hard when I'm a control freak about some things and then others not at all. Ugh. It's a lot to think about.

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    3. Most times in the lifestyle the bottom/sub/slave offers herself to the Dom. This is called frequently as the gift of submission. The offer is then accepted or rejected.

      By asking for their gift of dominance, you're asking for their control over you.

      Instead of the traditional line of thinking where the sub holds the gift over the Dom's head.

      In the end it doesn't matter....so long as you're committed to each other.

      Hope that helped

      m

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  4. I think a song quote is approp. - "Shine on You Crazy Diamond!"

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    1. Sir,

      You do know that song was written for Syd? ;-).

      Always fond of the line, "Come on, you miner of truth and delusion and shine!"

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  5. Freedom comes in two ways, Freedom to, and Freedom from. Neither should be discounted.

    K

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  6. I've never thought of the similarities and differences between subjugation and submission. Thank you,
    blue

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    1. blue,

      Thanks for the comment and yes, it's true, they both are similar. Tho, Daddy might argue the difference is the intent of the one with the power.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  7. This is beautiful, mouse. In my previous D/s relationships, although not as intense as Yours and Alpha's, I got off on being 'forced' into submission through bondage, punishment, pain, etc. And although I still love that feeling, for the first time, I am slowly coming to realize I can be fulfilled by devotion, truly giving all of myself, wanting to serve Wolf and do what he desires because I want to, instead of being 'forced' to do it. I'm not making a whole lot of sense explaining this :-) because it's so new to me and I still need to sort it out in my head. But it is empowering, freeing, and intoxicating. Thank you for sharing. I'm so glad you found Daddy!

    love, squirrel

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    1. squirrel,

      Honestly, mouse is grateful to Daddy to, for allowing mouse to embrace these thoughts.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  8. ok i admit i had to google subjugation to get the actual definition of what it meant lol


    What struck out at me the most was your explanation of feeling safe when your contained and controlled and how you have in the past needed the pain to feel that control...that hit home for me on a personal level.

    I have had a tendency to want and need s/m to make me feel submissive and the bossman picked up on this and its been an ongoing battle to put a stop to it, not that im saying im not submissive when not engaging in s/m but rather i felt that it wasnt enough i needed that rush of pain and humiliation to make me 'feel' it.

    Its an ongoing struggle.

    I think your blog is a very good example of why communication is so very important between dominant and submissive, this whole ttwd is more than being physical, you have to lay yourself bare to each other i think not just the sub to the dom. The bossman is a big believer in getting in the slaves head much to my horror as im not the biggest fan of opening up! initially fear i think of letting go completley and giving him everything not just in a physical sense but emotionally.

    But i do value the importance of those heavy discussions even if i do at times (ok a lot) fight against it, the little bit more each time that is given up is that bit more of being 'free'.


    Has it gotten easier over time to have these discussions with Omega? or do you still find it in some ways difficult.

    tori
    xx

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    1. Oh tori!!

      Thanks for your comments! And yes, to answer your question yes it's gotten sooo much easier to talk about these things. It's like that worrying part of mouse's head was switched off. It's feeling liberated and empowered to lose that fear. He's shown that he can handle anything mouse tells him...he might not like it. It might even hurt him to hear the gory details mouse will share, but he knows it helps us both. It helps mouse heal, it helps him to better understand mouse's triggers....why she reacts the way she does....the truth is, with her defenses down completely, she reveals much more to him than would be possible other wise.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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    2. Thank you mouse,

      Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to just allow the Dom to control our bodies. But making us open our minds, our hearts, our soul...to be laid bare. That kind of submission is hard. I struggle the most with this.

      Thank you for a beautifully written post.

      Delete
  9. I think subjugation is scary. But I'm addicted to the idea of it.

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  10. Thank you for sharing.

    hugs,
    heather1

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  11. I can understand. I'm glad you have someone like Omega to make your life happy. :-)

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