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Saturday, June 9, 2012

Breaking the girl

Many people have touched upon this subject recently. For me, it conjurs the image of a wild horse, the animal being roped. She struggles, fighting wildly against it. Eventually calming, only to have a rider on her back. The sensation, odd at first she bucks fiercely trying to knock the rider off. After several times, she calms, relaxing into it, accepting the rider. Eventually it sinks in, she intrinsically understands it is hopeless to effect a change.

She becomes dependent on her owner, who feeds her, washes her down after a ride and she remains fiercely loyal to her owner. The horse is broken, but has gained a greater purpose in service to her owner.

It is important to keep reminding one self; women are not horses.

The topic of breaking another conjures such great visceral responses, mostly negative in nature. We have heard the stories of women captured, held captive often in plain sight. The first question one might ask, why did they not run at the first opportunity?

Simply put they were broken, their spirit crushed, their delicate psyche shattered. Every moment of their life was spent trying to curry favor to avoid harsh treatment. Yet, knowing it would make little difference.

That was what I learned one evening while holding mouse in my arms listening to her speak. She disclosed that it mattered not how she behaved; good or inappropriate behaviors made little difference. She always ended up in the basement. Then she would receive a reward of sorts, something small of little significance but enough to give hope. To hold her focus on meager reward.

Few submissives consider that when they whisper to their Dominant they want to be 'broken.' When a sub first asked me to, many years ago; it made me feel an odd combination of pride and simultaneously fear. Fear, it should be mentioned, to a sadist is rather like catnip. An intoxicating combination.

It demonstrates complete trust. However, what are they really saying? Do they want to be shattered, humiliated and abused? I do not believe so, what they are asking is far more simplistic. They are begging to be controlled. They are asking to have their deepest secrets revealed and brought to light. They are begging for their walls not to be torn-down, but demolished. They crave containment and to feel safe. The path to that is never easy and if I am honest, it will remain elusive for most who dare to ask. It requires much work on their behalf. They struggle against it, like the horse fighting it wildly. Ultimately most decide it is beyond their reach. They are beset with deep feelings of failure. What they do not realize it requires much time to achieve the goal.

Sadly, submissive women with a history of abuse tend to not struggle as much. Mentally, they tend to drift into the mindset that it is useless to fight it. Those are, for them, rote emotional responses and require the utmost of care.

DV penned an excellent post on this topic. His views on this greatly echoed my own.

21 comments:

  1. Thank you for your insight into this... especially, the part that it is good to remember that women are not horses.

    I guess I would add that words can be twisted around in any manner by anyone. Your recognition of the more simplistic meaning of broken is probably more correct than the experience you shared of mouse's.

    An interesting subject. A tough one that seems to have captured the interest of the blogging community.

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    1. Kitty - TSW,

      Anything can be rationalized in a myriad of ways. However I do believe when most women ask, they are exposing themselves to their owner and displaying enormous trust in their Dom's ability.

      Serve well,
      Omega

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  2. I read and commmented on DV's post as it is in my opinion a fascinating subject, it doesnt conjur up negative thoughts for me...but yet i cant say its something i also get excited about because it means he wants more of me and i struggle with that.

    I think much like DV said and yourself its more about tearing down the walls/barriers to get into the submissives head, to get them to open up, to give all of themselves over to the dominant.

    I am not good or rather i dislike talking emotions, how i feel, why i feel a particular way, the past etc, i have always been of the opinion that its not important and bears no relevance on my submission and how i submit to him.

    I tended to avoid (and still will try) talking about issues that i find difficult, i simply struggle with being emotional. The bossman is a firm beliver that in order to control and dominate me fully he needs and wants to know all of me..nothing should be held back whether it be trivial or not.

    So yea breaking me is about getting those walls down and opening up and are we there yet? no its ongoing, i dont think its an overnight process, more than anything it requires lots and lots of communication (listening as well as talking)..and perhaps using other methods to get me there.

    respectfully
    tori

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    1. tori,

      Becoming anyone's perfection is never a sprint but a marathon. Tearing down walls and demolishing demons of the past is challenging but also rewarding. Some Dominates simply understand that in order achieve that kind of control it must be done.

      I will admit some simply do not care and are quite pleased to maintain the status quo.

      Serve well,
      Omega

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  3. Very insightful post. Thank you for sharing.
    Sincerely,
    mg

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  4. Thank you for the reference and your thoughts on this. I love the horse analogy. Breaking is not at all about breaking her spirit and crushing her. It is about helping her break demolish the walls that allow her to be more. I don't want a woman to fear her actions and that no matter what she will suffer. I think it happens on specific occasions for specific reasons only. Well said Mr. O!

    DV

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    1. DV,

      I concur completely. Everything about this lifestyle, and I have said this to mouse hundreds of times, is about being uplifted.

      Be well
      O

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  5. Excellent thoughts, Omega, and thanks as well for the pointer to DV's post.

    You know, within the horse world, "breaking" can be done in a whole spectrum of different ways. In my mind, the optimal approach allows the horse to retain its spirit, providing the rider with an animal that can act as a partner as they ride together. Less optimal techniques snuff out much of that spirit, leaving the horse shaky and fearful. A horse broken in this second way is never much good--their potential is permanently damaged. And the person who used this sort of approach to break the horse--I wonder what their motive was? It certainly couldn't have been to help the horse grow and realize their full potential. Perhaps it was just ignorance, but still...

    I think part of the problem we have in discussing this topic is that we have the same term, "breaking", being used to describe both types of approach, and they are not the same. The goals, techniques and outcomes are different, and they are deserving of different words to describe them. Problem is, there don't seem to be two different terms available...

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    1. Jake,

      It is interesting I owned a horse many years, a cantankerous old sod. He was just mean and would bite. He had bitten me several times, as well as almost everyone I knew. One had to exercise great caution when approaching him, taking great pains not to startle him.

      Yet, mouse could approach him without any fear. He was as gentle to her as a dog. He would nuzzle her and truly enjoyed her. I was wary and always on guard when she would ask to visit him. For whatever reason he liked her or perhaps chose her as his person. I might be projecting but when she would leave, he would seem rather sad.

      I always rather thought they were kindred spirits who simply understood each other completely.

      However when speaking of people, no one can completely discern the intent over all, is simply to "check out" of the struggles in one's life. Or is for a deeper purpose? What is the over-all motivation?

      Be well,
      Omega

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  6. I love reading your perspective, Sir. As a submissive woman, I find it quite disturbing when I hear someone express a desire to be broken. I believe that they are asking for control, like you said, but they want to be forced into it. Maybe that is all they know. That is how I was. But under those circumstances it is so easy to be "perpetual victim", and breaking that cycle takes more courage than most people will ever know. To offer rather than to be forced will gain the same results, but will be exponentially more fulfilling because a submissive who offers does so after taking responsibility for herself - then offers it to another. She makes the choice. The choice is not made for her. I am not sure if I make sense or not, but *i* know what I mean for what *that's* worth!

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    1. schiava,

      Thank you for adding your voice to this discussion. You certainly must make your Master very proud.

      Serve well,
      Omega

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    2. *laughing here* That means I didn't make a lick of sense, but in my defense - I am typing on my phone because the weather has my satellite Internet being rebellious! I think I may type a blog post about it, as your post has meshed a lot of thoughts together in my mind, and for that I thank you!

      Delete
    3. schiava,

      ;-) No, your words were fine. I was rather short on time to respond properly.

      I will lightly disagree when you wrote, "I believe that they are asking for control, like you said, but they want to be forced into it."

      I do not believe they wish to be 'forced' as much as carefully pushed into a direction.

      Serve well,
      Omega

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  7. I had this desire once, in a former relationship, to be "broken", to be somehow torn down and rebuilt, or at least to have my walls demolished by him. I've changed my mind since then, this was a decade or so ago.

    I'm not clay to be molded. I can't be taken apart and put together again, in another form. I'm a teacup, if we're sticking to analogies. If I'm broken, I shatter into a thousand small pieces. They can be glued together, but the cracks will always be there, and the cup will not be as beautiful or as useful again. To me, when someones mentions "broken", I always think of a shattered, glued-together tea-cup.

    I still don't want any pesky walls between me and Mistress, but overcoming them is for us a joint effort, something that is my responsibility as much as hers. It's hard to be open and soft and accepting, and I often fail, and when I do it hurts us both. But there's no quick fix, and harsh punishments doesn't make the process go faster (for us, that is).

    Thank you for your post! It made me reflect about the differences between myself now and ten years ago, and the differences between the relationship I'm now and the one I was in then - they are not much alike, despite both being power exchange dynamics.

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    1. C,

      I enjoyed your teacup analogy very much. Overcoming walls is difficult but not impossible; it requires time. But also in accepting there is a possibility they can never be surmounted.

      Omega

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  8. Wow. This sums up how I feel perfectly.
    mouse is so blessed to have you in her life.

    Hugs,
    Jen

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    1. Jenni,

      I consider myself fortunate as well.

      Omega

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  9. Omega, I have enjoyed reading your post as much as I have enjoyed reading DV's. I have to say few things. First, the views you two have regarding this matter echo my own. I do not believe that there is a woman out there wishing to be abused and have her spirit crushed. I know for a fact that it is something I do not wish upon my person. EVER.

    Secondly, you are right when you say that women are not horses. I do not view myself or any other woman as such, and treating them/us as such is just not acceptable in my book. Linked to it is the fact that any kind of pony play is just not admissible and even the thought of being treated as an animal is enough to turn my stomach.

    And last, but no least... I cannot even image the horrors mouse has been through but I'm glad you two have each other.

    Hugs & kisses,
    A

    p.s. sorry if my English is not 100%, it is only my second language.

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