Teach Your Children

D/s and raising children

One of the most common and repetitious question asked of someone in the lifestyle who is known to have children is how do you handle it? Handle what? Kids? They'll rather sheepishly ask...you know the whole Master/slave bit with kids around?

While the slave here does serve her Master, she is not the children's personal slave. They speak to her with respect or they will have privileges removed. The Master shows the slave great respect when dealing with her at all times, but especially so in front of the children.

Someone recently described a dinner scene, where the spouse became belligerent because their food was not properly plated for them and this was done in front of the children. What exactly does this teach or demonstrate to children? The writer was rather insistent that the children don't notice it and went to say this was common in BDSM. Even going as far to say it was a common occurrence in their home. All mouse could think was, "Oh dear how unfortunate for those kids."

The children do notice, and this might come as a surprise, but they keep score too. Even children as young as two notice how their parents interact with each other. Daddy always treats mouse with utmost respect, he so frequently says, "Please" and "Thank you" the children have picked up the habit (without being instructed or even encoraged) of saying thank you and please to mouse as well. He would never, ever behave in such a way in front of the children, nor would he yell or disabuse mouse in their presence or even within their earshot. Even his eyebrow arch will not go unnoticed by the children and instantly it registers as he's likely displeased with something, Sometimes in that awkward moment, they will shift their gaze toward mouse to see her reaction. Just like they understand when Daddy is unusually quiet to give him a bit of distance. They know they can always ask about homework questions and they aren't afraid to go to him if something is bothering them or on their mind, but silly stuff -- no they know not to bother him with that -- for that they go to mouse.

In fact, when mouse found herself moody or deeply out of sorts, he will actually remind mouse actively, and if needed pull her into another room. This happened recently when Daddy lectured mouse, carefully in front of the children explaining why we need to be respectful of each other. But the lesson wasn't lost on kiddo, who caught himself later the following week and apologized. While mouse was humiliated at the time when Daddy did it, it turned out a powerful learning experience on conflict resolution.

The children also routinely see us, hold hands and see Daddy kiss tenderly the back of mouse's hand. They see us embrace and kiss (not suck face, but tenderly kiss). They see how much we care. They have witnessed Daddy recieving a shoulder rub when he was feeling weary. Likewise, they have also observed Daddy giving mouse a much needed foot rub as we sat on the sofa watching a movie.

When kiddo asked once why mouse does so much for Daddy (and this was while she was still working) the reply went something like, "We both work super hard all day long, but mom gets to leave her work at work. It helps mom to relax to do special things for our family. Your dad loves spending time with you, and wants to actually see us all, so be brings work home that he doesn't have time to complete. Gosh, if he didn't bring home his "homework" we might never see him!"

Now, this answer not only satisfied kiddo's curiosity, but also got him thinking about it and thanked mouse for all she does and then thanked Daddy when he got home from work. That left Daddy a little bewildered, but accepted it in the spirit it was offered.

Accidents happen, not often, but there was an occasion where a riding crop was left out. We didn't dwell upon it, no questions were asked, mouse simply picked it up and put it away. Had there been a question, honestly mouse isn't sure what she might have said. It would have largely depended on what was going on and how the question was framed. The riding crop was quite old, given to Daddy by a friend many years ago. Certainly mouse might have said she was simply cleaning the cabinet and forgot to put it away. Of course the crop was discovered on a chair in the study. Had it been found somewhere else or had it been something else entirely, like say a vibe or the plug, really don't know what mouse would have said. Being careful is the key and if directly asked, honesty is the best policy. It's something we've already discussed. Sex toys aren't taboo anyway...and really nothing to be ashamed of if they are discovered. Snooping is another issue entirely tho. The toys are kept in a box way up high in the closet. If a child were to discover them, it wouldn't be by accident. And that is something that wouldn't be tolerated. The chances are pretty good however, they would NEVER ever mention it and become highly embarrassed themselves.

NO child wants to think about their parents having sex of any kind not when child is 13 or nearly 50. Oh when they're 50, it might pass their mind and they might think it's cool that they still get it on....but they don't want to ever consider details. Seriously. They don't want to know.

It was a timely reminder to be careful with our "tools of the trade," and something to keep in mind.

Song selection: Teach Your Children; Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young