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Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Loving Submission

Yes, once in a while mouse will throw words into google and see what comes up. Recently, mouse threw in the phrase, "submitting to your husband." The hits were predictable -- all biblical based in nature, and mouse scrolled through the list, until she saw a little blurb on google (without actually clicking the link it said, "Submitting to your husband sexually has nothing to do with the dominant/submissive or master/slave lifestyle, which is an abusive..."

Ok so mouse clicked the link, for yanno, for shits and giggles and the claim was this, "Submitting to your husband sexually has nothing to do with the dominant/submissive or master/slave lifestyle, which is an abusive and demeaning counterfeit of God’s biblical design for marriage." They were highly predictable in their rationale in the entire article.

Now, this was something that mouse found terribly curious because most faithful Christians never mention D/s or M/s rarely if ever -- in fact the closest any would go -- might be to suggest that this isn't any type of role-play, while making the claim to not really understand what that means! There has been one website that discussed BDSM, but said people who practice it are possessed by demons and deviants the same way homosexuality is. The homosexual section was a good deal longer and sited completely out of date case studies done as far back as the 1800s. The only "recent study" they sited they claimed was done in the 1990s was a simple word for word rehashing of one done in the 1950s and refuted completely in the late 1970s. They also offered no details about Master/slave or D/s and really focused mainly on masochism and sadism. This should not be confused with Christian BDSM bloggers -- which there are quite a few of, who basically practice BDSM in their private lives and remain very active in their connection with their god.

Most people who claim submission based on the bible will simply throw in a bunch of quotes from both the new and old testaments -- they don't normally bring up alternatives or other lifestyles (mouse might argue that she was born submissive -- so it's not a choice). They might bring up those 'crazy' Mormons and polygamy if it suits their purpose or fits their topic. However it's mostly down to physical impressions of how their god wants them to be and anecdotal stories of how great their marriage is because they practice biblical based submission.

The article didn't really raise mouse's hackles at all, but what mouse does find curious most people who blog about what god wants or doesn't want to a good Christian marriage -- know absolutely nothing about BDSM -- to the extent that they wouldn't even know of its existence unless someone told them about it. Then, they might term it the generic S&M.

After reading the quoted text, mouse would suggest this person had a little more than a vague notion about the lifestyle. It's apparent they don't approve and mouse isn't really asking them to approve or even accept it. It was the fact they simply knew something of our jargon. It made mouse wonder if they had read or about 50 Shades of Grey and based their opinion on what they heard and made assumptions that, That Thing We (all) Do must be like the crap badly written in that book. Simply put its just not -- in fact mouse would go so far as to say if sub came across a Dom like that -- run, don't walk and above all don't look back.

There is no judgement as the writer is free to say whatever they wish, just as mouse is free to question it and to even reply that her dynamic with Daddy is very healthy. Except mouse's submission is solely based on her love for Daddy and not on an interpretation of a text written long ago. Daddy is her Master and she follows him eagerly where ever he leads. If she makes an error, Daddy holds her accountable and yes in our marriage that does mean she is corporally punished, but only as needed and often as a last resort. He doesn't beat her out of anger, just as he'd never hit her or behave in an imposing way in front of our children. In fact, he's quite loving and gentle with mouse -- no matter who is around. Yes, Daddy can be moody and dare she say a tad selfish (gasp), but it never lasts long and it's rare that mouse is cause.

Also, mouse would never suggest that her submission to Daddy is better than what anyone else does in their submission or for whatever reason behind it.


  1. I have only been reading your blog for a couple of days, but you always make me think, mouse....and I like that. You are so well spoken.

    Thanks for blogging and allowing us to read it.

  2. As a church going guy I have thought deeply about what is "right" and "wrong" within a marriage. Avoiding the obvious hypocrisy evidenced by the existanse of this blog, I don't think God cares one whit about what goes on in the bedroom. Even the faith of my fathers, a deeply conservative denomination, came out and said that clergy are not to ask what goes on within the walls of the marital bedroom.

    Most Christians would be better educated if they realized how fiercely monogamous most D/s relationships are. While some Doms have multiple subs, the ones I know best are 1:1 pairings at a very deep level. Whether you serve your husband in the kitchen on your your knees, you are being faithful to your vows and there rest of no one else's business, including your kids, your pastor, or your God.

    Most people have a misguided notion equating D/s with abuse because they don't understand, and can't imagine, the power the SUB holds in granting permission to the DOM. Let's admit it, the SUBS have all the power. If you say no, it's no. Some Doms are abusive, they are horrible, but that is the exception, like in any sampling of relationships, there are a % that will be bad, even if they look like Ozzie and Harriet on the outside.

    While I have my issues with some D/s couple that I know, the majority would, if you told them to put pants on, fit in quite nicely at church. :-) [that's an awkward ending, but a comment should be longer than the post. sorry)

  3. You may not say your submission is better than the way anyone else does it, but I'd dare to say your relationship is generally far, far better than the standard garden variety relationship. :) I know mine feels that way, especially after talking to other couples.

    It amuses me when people assume something so uplifting and satisfying as What It Is That We Do is abusive. Sure, it CAN be, but... so can anything.

  4. "mouse's submission is solely based on her love for Daddy ... Daddy is her Master and she follows him eagerly where ever he leads. "

    That's very lovely, mouse. I'm glad to know you, even this little bit at a distance

  5. I was brought up in a Christian household and up until leaving home (at 19) attended church every Sunday, im reluctant to define myself as a Christian however because it doesnt 'fit' with my own personal beliefs. I do not believe in God.

    I have come accross christian D/s blogs and have found that the focus is on the man being the natural leader and often quotes from the bible are given, however the bible is open to interpretation.

    Im all for everyone having their own opinions, however no offence intended to Advizor i do not agree that subs have all the power well i can say i dont in my relationship with the bossman, the whole point to me is he has the power...but thats a whole other subject.

    I have had my fair share of 'abusive' comments, my relationship has been deemed abusive, sick and well yeah it sometimes upsets me but i can only say im happy and it works for us....i think sometimes people want to put an exact definition to M/s and sure i have my opinions on what is important in an M/s dynamic but its just that my opinions.

    ok im rambling i will stop coz i think i have gone off topic!


    1. Thank you Tori for adding your voice to this discussion. I believe Advisor was speaking more of a general and limited D/s style of dynamic. Where yes, limited to the "scene" or "play" the bottom retains most of the power. When I did engage in public play, there were often women with a lengthy list of what was allowed and what was not.

      I would argue there was little exchange of power in such scenes; this is not indicative of all who participate but a few. Many women had few limits outside of what might be construed as typical. Still the active exchange of power is constrained to just that scene and within those predetermined parameters.

      In M/s the slave, be they male or female, retains very little control save for agreeing to give up said control. They remain rather dependent on their Master, Mistress or Owner to set parameters for them. Slaves do not have an option to say "no" and if they do, the "no" can be ignored, nor can they simply end their dynamic at their will. Before people jump on me for that statement, I do not mean in instances of true abuse. Had mouse wished to leave alpha any number of times, I certainly would have supported her decision. Would she require release from him? No! In most cases, typically the slave simply wishes to move on, for any myriad of reasons, which do not imply or include abuse. The slave must always ask or beg for release and it is up to the Master to agree or not.

      In our home, mouse does have safe-word however its purpose is not to stop a scene. It is for her safety in case something hurts more than it should, such a rope tied too tightly or a fabric rubbing her body wrong. It is for me assess the situation and decide. Often, she just "senses" something is wrong, but is in no danger whatsoever. Mouse has no power to stop a scene. If I wish to continue without adjustments, she must endure.

      Serve well,

    2. Thankyou Omega

      I hadnt considered other scenarios, i was thinking from an M/s dynamic point of view which i think in my opinion is those that are 24/7. If its temporary ie a scene at a club etc then yes i can understand how the sub retains some control because there isnt that established trust and knowledge of each other.

      I have always been wary of saying that i couldnt leave the bossman of my own free will because its not something i explain very well and nor is it something many can understand.




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