Disclaimer: The following is mouse's view on the M/s (D/s) dynamic. It's worded strictly toward her own dynamic with Daddy. Meaning he is the Dominant and mouse is the submissive or slave. If your dynamic is a Domme/Mistress with a male or female sub...the meat of this post applies to you as well and just substitute the words. It should also be mentioned this topic is something mouse has read now on several blogs and while she doesn't comment much these days she does read and wanted to add her own voice on this topic to the chorus.
Ever so often someone tries to label slavery or submission in a rather simplistically ridged way. If you require "pushing" or like a strong Dominant, somehow you're not being genuine in your submission or playing a game. It seems to mouse that these people forget something fundamental -- and seem to think its the submissive who defines their submission.
What an odd idea! Now, it should be noted for the record, mouse used to believe this. That somehow her slavery to Daddy should fit into a nice little box, wrapped up with a big ribbon of real silk. After being with Daddy for these past years and realizing many things, the most important lesson for her get through that thick skull, is that he defines her slavery!
Of course mouse offered her submission (slavery) to Daddy -- but he set the parameters and determined what that slavery would look like. And this applies both inwardly and outwardly -- since he determines how she dresses and the way she speaks or carries herself in public and privately.
Naturally, mouse can make suggestions or ask for help if she needs it -- actively seek his guidance. But Daddy sets the terms. He determines if the request is valid or worthy. He sets the overall tone of our whole dynamic. Period. That's the point of not being in control -- mouse doesn't get to drive the bus. Sometimes he let's her hold the map but he decides the destination.
This is just how it is -- mouse wants to be what he wants. When we go out to a restaurant, if he wants salmon and pasta -- that's what mouse wants to be. If he wants a burger and fries, which is rare; mouse wants to be the food on his plate. The 12 year old scotch, he likes to sip or the martini -- mouse wants to be that. When mouse gets a salad, it's complicated (Daddy has no trouble ordering for her) -- no onions, dressing on the side...with steak, mouse is very picky about the cut if meat and how it's cooked (little warmer than rare, but not quite at medium rare -- eggs must be well blended and fluffy -- not overlooked or runny). That's not what he would order for himself -- mouse desires to be what he would order. Not force him to eat a filet mignon, when he wants halibut. or chicken when he wants a burger.
Now this does require that he knows and understands what he wants -- that he be active in his dominance, just as she's genuine in her submission. He won't immediately ask for the moon the moment the collar clicks around her neck. But he'll start to construct the ladder so she can slowly ascend to the stars. Does this mean he knows everything? No. Does this mean he knows everything he wants? No. It's not a closed door. As his needs change -- he changes it. If he notices his girl has issues he slows the pace -- but he keeps his eye on the prize.
Together they become more than just a Master and slave, grow into each other. They learn from mistakes and missteps. There are false starts and renewals. If the Dom wants his girl on her knees and nude all the time -- well, that's what he wants and she would know about that long before she offered her submission!
If she discovers later that he's full of shit and a huge liar (unfortunate but it happens), she has the absolute right to take her power back and beg release, or just leave him (depending how dire the situation is). The point is know what you're getting into, understand his character and make sure his needs align with your own. Otherwise he expects her honesty. He needs to know her thoughts and she must be honest about them. If she's confused, upset, or angry with him (all happen, sometimes at the same time), it must be expressed to him. The Dom can't read minds and can't fix something he doesn't know is broken. They must both be genuine and communicate effectively.