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Monday, May 13, 2013

Who are You?

"What are you chewing on mouse?" Daddy will sometimes ask that when he finds mouse deep in thought. After seeing a comment mouse left on a DD blog, a friend asked in email if we still thought of ourselves as more a Taken in Hand or DD couple now than a Master/slave BDSM couple?

It had mouse puzzled. A while ago, while at our summer place a person not well-known to mouse asked her if she was 'taken in hand" and mouse feigned ignorance. As if admitting that she even had a vague understanding to the meaning of those words was really tantamount to outing herself. Still truthfully, mouse doesn't really know much about DD or Taken in Hand to really form an honest opinion as to it.

Maybe the easiest (and possibly the laziest) thing to say is we're an amalgamation of all of it. From what mouse can glean from other blogs we do follow the ideas, somewhat of TiH (Taken in Hand) Daddy is certainly HOH (Head of House), but he also isn't above "using" mouse for his own pleasure, which is more of a strong M/s idea -- where the slave finds the most joy in serving her Master and it doesn't matter what it is.

Guess we could say we are most comfortable in our TPE (total power exchange) dynamic, which is really like saying M/s to a full time, all-the-time way. Still Daddy always remains respectful of mouse and knows that mouse simply thrives under whole lot of control that might make some squeamish. Yet, it's also why Daddy doesn't really encourage mouse to read a lot of lifestyle books or How To books on BDSM. They always seem to leave mouse with more questions (to him) than answers. Part of him, mouse truly believes, wishes that mouse knew little about the lifestyle -- now she certainly doesn't mean that in a bad way -- that way she can focus harder on just being who she is, instead of worrying about being or emulating someone else.

In the end, when mouse shared with him her thoughts, he said that mouse shouldn't worry about defining us, our greatest concern should be with us and what works best for us today. Maybe he's right, the best "How to" book on our life is the one we've written together.

Song Selection:  Who Are You; The Who

24 comments:

  1. I confess that i do get fixated on needing to define me and therefore my Master and i, not that i get caught up in comparing with others (i used to, but im past that) but i think its more i need a definite explanation of where we/i fit.

    However as i have said on my own blog this lifestyle (ttwd)regardless of whether it be M/s or taken-in-hand do not come with instruction manuals..so there is no 'right' way but yet i think there are wrong ways...but who am i to say what is right or wrong? i have my thoughts on this but they are just that...my opinions.

    I find that i can read blogs that are more d/d or tih based which i can identify with yet i may read a M/s blog that i dont, i think perhaps sometimes they can and do merge together, none being better than the other but simply different.

    I read a bdsm lifestyle book once years ago and although im sure there are some good ones out there, i think its too easy to fall into the trap (especially if new to this) of seeing them as the 'guide to how it should be' which i dont think is helpful.

    x



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    1. Tori,

      Yes, there are times mouse totally fixates on a label, but then there are times when it doesn't seem to matter or maybe it's just not forefront in mouse's mind. Daddy says he never "worries" about such things.

      Maybe it's just a "sub" thing after all?

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  2. Hi Mouse :)

    i think we are socialized as females to draw comparisons in romantic relationships. This might be intensified in relationships which are "not traditional" (HOH, Taken in Hand, DD, M/s, TPE, whatever). i have also observed that many of us have perfectionistic streaks, which begs the question "Am i (are we) doing this right?" Of course, the only people who can answer that are those in that relationship.

    It can be that you hear something that resonates for you because you are at a conference, a presentation, or read a book. What i have found is the assurance that i feel when we are indeed not the only people on this particular TPE trail. :)

    i once was trying to explain a blog i had read for years to Sir Raven. i explained that they were going for a "cunt in a cage" model early on and it changed to something else over time. To which she replied, without irony, looking around the aparment "What makes you think this is different than a cunt in a cage, girl?" She indeed had a point.

    jade

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    Replies
    1. Odd huh? Cunt in a cage does have its appeal doesn't it?

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  3. mouse,

    I believe that Omega is absolutely right. I have nothing to add to his thoughtful comments.

    Hug,
    joey

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  4. Oh mouse, I so do the same thing. Where exactly do we fit? We both came from a BDSM perspective, but in our pre-us discussions talked about aspects of dynamics and came across various eclectic - yes! that's what I want! - moments.

    We're D/s, obviously - all of these kinds of relationships are really, aren't they & I find it amusing when some bristle at that notion. He is the HoH and I am definitely TiH, I am subject to his direction and discipline. We are spankos, and I am pleased to be used for his pleasure. We are Daddy/little girl, which squicks a lot of people out, but for us really speaks to nothing more than the level of trust I place in him, and the obedience I give to him. I have often said that we could easily be M/s, because I thrive under his control, and in service to him. I thrive on being able to serve him and our family, it's sacred, a devotion. I enjoy the things we do, and the depth of our relationship. When I am troubled, I am soothed when I am bound by his heart and his actions.

    So what exactly are we? I don't think it really matters. We're just us, and we quite like it that way :)

    (((hugs)))

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    1. June -- Yes, at the end of the day, all that really does matter is that we are true to our natures. Such a simple thing.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  5. We are fairly new to this lifestyle and have been having this very discussion. I absolutely believe that everyone has to do this their own way and it is dangerous when we start comparing and trying to do things the way another couple does them. Kudos to Omega fir being such a steadfast guide for you both

    Hugs

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  6. Whether you call him, he's a wise man.

    sofia

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  7. Oh, good grief, that was a typo - it was supposed to say "whatever" you call him, not whether. Sheesh. Sorry.

    sofia

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    1. No worries...mouse is fluent in typo. ;)

      Delete
  8. Omega is 100% right. Comparing to one another especially when blogging is an easy trap to fall into although it does seem that it gets easier not to do that with time.

    Defining what we are, used to get one all wrapped up in her head with trivial things and sometimes it still does and probably will again but for now as long as total obedience makes Daddy happy than thats really all that matters no matter what we are.

    That being said one could totally see how that questions got your wheels turning.

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    Replies
    1. Dancing....

      Yanno the wheels rarely stop! Haha!

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  9. You are Omega & mouse. You are what you are, no labels or categories required.

    LK

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  10. i love this post ... it's something that i wonder about from time to time following other blogs ... trying to define us, to see where we fit into the bigger lifestyle picture ... and you're right, it's the story we write together that counts.

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  11. The funny thing mouse? Is that to many people you and Omega wrote the book on your flavor of M/s -- and come here to read it.

    sfp

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