Mind Games

Ok, mouse heard this song on the radio one morning and couldn't get it out of her head.  Yes, radio, who does that anymore?  Well, mouse has a clock radio beside the bed, so she only hears snippets of songs.    Occasionally, one becomes stuck in her head.  

Daddy likes getting deep inside mouse's head and he likes to bring her into a state where she's easily pushed off balance.  As though he's installed the right buttons and knows when to push them.  He'll often set mouse up to be completely mentally open to him and then he'll distance himself making mouse feel vulnerable.  He likes it when mouse feels slightly afraid and becomes overwhelmed.  It only happens when mouse is very at ease, when she's so comfortable in her empty space.   When Daddy has her complete focus and he knows her view and sense of reality is strangely myopic.   It's not often that is really achieved.  

Once getting mouse into that headspace she is completely vulnerable to whatever he does or doesn't do.  It's when mouse says she can hear 'the rattle of chains" as though kept in a place of complete bondage and she finds that state compelling, blissful and a bit scary.  

In our home, while in that mental space,  if Daddy removes himself it's unsettling to mouse.  But her surroundings are familiar and it's ok.  If we're out in public and mouse becomes distracted by something shiny for a moment and looks around to find Daddy not around, she freezes up completely and becomes terrified.  Left long enough tears will fall.  Once she missed him telling her that he was going to the restroom and would be right back.  Normally if leaves her side she'll mentally count until he returns.  That took her completely off guard.  He knows that he must take her hand and whisper it into her ear.   By the time he returned mouse was in tears -- he likes when she displays that level of vulnerably around complete strangers who are busy with their own lives and thoughts.  He knows all she can think about is him.  

Daddy doesn't take mouse into that mental space very deeply because he feels he must watch mouse more carefully.   With her focus on him, it's easy for her to forget to use an oven mitt, or overfill the bathtub.  It sounds silly...

Still there's something about it that mouse does enjoy.  It's like a physical display of submission and mouse's slavery -- all wrapped in her own mind.

When we do our daily maintenance, it's different for mouse, while it quiets her mind and allows her to better focus -- it doesn't impede her and doesn't make her view just on Daddy.  In that regard her focus becomes her family and her home.  It's still somewhat myopic but the view is broader and allows mouse to better function.  In that way she sees the kids and her home...