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Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Ride the Tide

Consensual slavery. One of the biggest issues, always a hot debate, is that of slaves and limits. No subject causes mouse more personal angst. The wrong thing said and people can easily be left with the wrong impression.

Basically mouse doesn't have limits. Basically mouse knows she can trust Daddy. But that doesn't say enough. You can't just stop there. It's not like mouse is expendable to him. This is consensual slavery, and not the kind when humans were enslaved without consent!

Maybe it's Daddy with limits? He's bound by laws, and his own promises. He has vowed to keep mouse safe, both mentally and physically. That's a huge part of it.

Trust.

Daddy trusts that mouse would never refuse him and mouse trusts that he wouldn't do anything that would cause her permanent harm.

See how this works? It's not about him railroading mouse to do whatever he wants or bending her to what he needs. It's about him balancing what he desires with what's best for mouse. A Master/slave dynamic is still a relationship between two (or more) humans. We each have needs. We have to decide what's most important.

As much as mouse wanted Omega in her life -- there were things she would never have accepted those were all discussed before she offered herself to him Now that she is his slave she must trust that he won't insist. To have his way just because he's the Dom. And he also had to decide how important it was to him -- had it been that important to him, he would never have accepted mouse's offer of slavery.

Choices were made, options laid out, ideas expressed before slavey was offered and accepted.

When mouse hears a slave who's feeling the very first blush of slavery or submission profess after, a short amount of time, she has no limits because she's a "true slave," it just rankles. It makes mouse want to scream.

Because the other side is a side mouse has been on, she's been abused by a sadistic Dom with a god complex. Who used mouse as his personal guinea pig. Who made changes in mouse that are still present today and instilled fears that have taken her years to overcome. Fears mouse is still dealing with on some levels that probably won't ever subside completely.

By being denied limits, mouse was forced to accept things she didn't understand. This was due to the fact she knew nothing about the lifestyle and he told her nothing.. Of course mouse tries not to project her own issues onto people. To be cautious and temper her need to scream with simple words of advice. What they do with it is ultimately up to themselves.

So, while mouse will say she hasn't limits, it's not ever that simple. It's not an ether/or or even a yes or no. It's like using safe words or other things to protect the slave. Many will insist that the slave doesn't need one, even for incredibly hard or edge play. Like having one or admitting they do says they don't trust their Dom or worse, he doesn't trust himself.

A good Dom should be able to read the slave well enough she'll never need to use it. But on the other side, he also must trust that if he doesn't see the clues that she will use that safe word. Because things can happen, Dom's go into their own "Dom-space" too, they can become so immersed in whatever they're doing their vision narrows. Maybe it's a loss of control? Whatever it is, it can be very dangerous.

We don't always use a safe word, but if Daddy said mouse needed one, she would take it seriously. It's a lot easier to simply stop, than it is to rebuild broken or shattered trust on either side of the power exchange.

So we ride the tide and go with the flow -- isn't that what we all do?

 

27 comments:

  1. 'Now that she is his slave she must trust that he won't insist. To have his way just because he's the Dom. And he also had to decide how important it was to him -- had it been that important to him, he would never have accepted mouse's offer of slavery.'

    YES THIS! THIS! Consensual slavery - not an oxymoron BECAUSE OF THIS

    'A good Dom should be able to read the slave well enough she'll never need to use it. But on the other side, he also must trust that if he doesn't see the clues that she will use that safe word.'

    ah and THIS is the other big thing, the one I realised a little while ago, that the Dom needs to be able to trust the sub just as much as the other way round. This is also, I think, the reason why so many new Doms go slowly and carefully despite their frustrated subs who are in the grip of new dynamic sub frenzy. Because they HAVE to trust that they can read the sub and, in case of using safewords, that the sub will use them - or even before that, that the sub will use POW (plain old words, eg, that rope's making my wrist a bit numb and tingly, rather than just calling out 'red')

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    1. Yes!

      In the case of Safe-words, Omega always asks lots of questions. We don't use a traditional safeword. Honestly, he prefers mouse is honest about any odd pains she feels and would prefer she just say stop. Which doesn't mean end it....for us it just means something hurts (the wrong way) -- lol. Or something else is wrong....

      He always gets to the final decision on what to do.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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    2. yeah same here, hubby checks in all the time. He's far more likely to call a halt that I (in my fogged state' would, but then that's why he's the one that calls the shots and why I trust him.

      We do technically have a safeword but I've never used it because we don't do a whole lot of 'ignoring me saying no' play, &, well, the POW & the checking in etc etc. However, I am trusted to use if necessary, if we were playing differently or I was unable to use POW for whatever reason.

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  2. You explained this wanderfully well mouse, its a subject that i find can be a difficult one to express without minsinterpretation.

    Something i couldnt get my head around for a long time and would cause me to feel a failure is not being able to do something because emotionally i just couldnt and cant go there, i felt that as his slave i should be able to do and be everything he wants.

    But as has been said and as he has said to me on numerous occassions it is of no advantage to him to 'force' me into something that will cause me damage on a physical or more importantly an emotional level.....he wants me healthy not damaged.

    We used to play with others (there was no sex) we dont anymore, not for a long time, i knew in his previous relationships it was more open in respect to having sex with others, group sex etc.....but i just cant go there, we tried a situation of me submitting to another dominant and it ended up a disaster....i couldnt handle it, it really messed with my head, and he wouldnt put me through it again.


    I have rambled havent i lol

    x

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    1. No, tori. You NEVER ramble...

      But you make an excellent point. Let's face it Daddy was always used to having lots of women in his life....He's definitely wired for that type..And ya he's been to lots "parties" or whatever where group sex went on.

      It's a place, however, mouse can't go to. We even tried playing once with some really close friends and it was awful! at least for mouse...

      Everyone else was perfectly fine and could be adult about it -- not mouse....lol

      But this all was something that HE knew long before that point and was grateful that mouse was willing try and honest about it.

      But ya after that he really took other people off our menu and he's said to mouse a million times that it's ok for him. He'd rather have mouse and not have other women.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  3. Very well said Mouse. I cringe when I hear someone say their Dom wants no limits. I fear abuse of power.

    Trust must be built first.

    Hug,
    Joey

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  4. Wow Mouse, this was very well written, thank you!

    In the beginning we did talk about limits; however with both of us being so new to this it was really hard to know where were going. As a matter of fact His limits were well....more limiting then what one felt would be OK. At this point it would be safe to say there are no limits other than those he sets for us. That being said, this is only the case because of the trust that has been built between us. Does he do things that are sometimes hated at the time, absolutely but it does not cause real damage either physically or mentally; usually they are longed for again and one point or another.

    We do have a safe word although there are times when it is just known it is not allowed to be used, such as during punishment which is a VERY rare occurrence these days anyway). It is not something that has ever been used but it's nice to know we have it if something goes wrong. There have been times when doing something new he evens checks on me a little too much but that's just treading new water lightly.

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    1. Dancing...

      Thanks for the thoughtful comment and you're welcome.

      Yes, often the Dom has to balance what they know are hard limits with softer ones...In your example about ending up wanting it...mouse can relate. For years she hated the idea of electric play and then got to actually like it (except when it was used as punishment). There was a fear that Daddy knew wasn't tied to her past and just there....yanno?

      Punishments ya....mouse isn't allowed to safeword out of a punishment. In fact a few times that she's tried, it ended up not going well for her. LOL.

      But that being said, even during punishment if something pulls the wrong way (if mouse is bound) he will always make sure that she isn't injured. He doesn't want a dislocated shoulder or something like that...

      There's always much trust on both sides...especially when trying new things. Treading water is an excellent example. <3

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  5. Wow, mouse. An incredibly powerful post. You said so much that needs to be repeated over and over again. And it needs to be understood by those who choose to live this kind of life and those who don't. You nailed it. Thank you.

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  6. Thank you for this post mouse. I'm not a slave, yet. It's something we are just beginning to explore as a next natural step for us. So much of what you said really resonated with me.

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  7. Hey mouse, I have often thought you are as amazing as you are in your slavery because Omega is as good as he is as a Master. ..like you said, it is a balancing act and you and omega demonstrate how to do it well, beautifully.

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    1. Really he deserves all the credit in that. He's always taking mouse down the path to improvement. He's her flashlight in the darkness.

      We also deeply love each other in a way mouse never believed possible. And while she tries not get sad about waiting so long....We had to be ready for each other. And probably back then, we just weren't.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  8. such a good post mouse.
    thank you.
    xo,
    monkey girl

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  9. "When mouse hears a slave who's feeling the very first blush of slavery or submission profess after, a short amount of time, she has no limits because she's a "true slave," it just rankles. It makes mouse want to scream."
    Perhaps the laugh that escaped me when I read this paragraph was slightly inappropriate...I'll blame it on lack of caffeine.
    I'd hug you if I could because that's a totally awesome statement, and I know exactly how you feel.

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    1. Oh ya! So glad that remark tickled you into giggling a little.

      It's just we've heard so many say this...and that is always mouse's response.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  10. Happy Wednesday mouse.
    Of all the entries you have posted I have to say I find this to be by far one of the most eloquent and well written. I personally find it scary to think people do not have limits. A very, very long time ago when I was just a puddin' of a girl I engaged in a relationship with a dominant who chuckled when I said I had no limits. I can recall the conversation as though it happened hours ago. We were sitting together, a casual exchange during an afternoon of tea and with as much conviction as imaginable I stated I had no limits. He allowed me an opportunity to retract but I did not. Later that day when in the privacy of his home he bound me then took a knife and placed the blade directly in front of my eye. I remember thinking holy heck and as his smile grew he whispered, "are you sure you do not have any limits"? Of course he stopped before letting the blade touch my eyeball and he released me from my bindings immediately. He was not planning on harming me but rather on demonstrating that I most certainly have limits and that having limits is okay, necessary even.

    I believe when people hear the word limits they think of a loss of play, of not being able to enjoy something. Limits for me are more about common sense which is why I said I had none. Of course I have learned I absolutely have limits. For instance my Master is not allowed to kill me. He is not allowed to cut off my limbs, cause me to go blind or deaf, to set me on fire, to sell me to an under ground sex trafficking organisation, to remove human contact forever.

    Like you mouse, I trust my Master not to harm my person, either physically or emotionally. I trust him as I trust my mother, my father, my siblings and my friends that he will not cause destructive injury to my person and in return I offer him all of me. After nearly 9 years of being together we have come to trust each other and to also know how to work through those moments when a few lines are crossed.

    We all have limits. Some lists are longer than others. I personally do not believe limits are a sign of weakness or take away the value of a submissive or slave. And I also believe Dominants have limits as well and so rarely do people consider that.

    I am with Master because I choose to be. It is my choice. I share my life and heart with him freely. I serve him and willingly surrender to him. This is consensual slavery. For those who do not have that freedom, it is not kink, it is not BDSM, it is not an exchange of power and that is where people get confused. You are with Omega out of choice, it is consensual. I can see that, I have seen that from the beginning. If only others could understand the difference between choice and force.

    x

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    1. goodgirl,

      You've touched on something with your example about the Dom and the knife -- it's so true...one of the questions mouse asked a slave once was, "could you physically hurt someone just because your dom/owner asked you to?" Now of course, mouse knows darn well it depends on who is really controlling the scene and it should be the Dom. But...many times other emotions come into play, pent up hostilities, anger, jealousy can also come into play and mouse has seen more than once a Dom handing a riding crop to his sub and telling her use it on another bottom and people getting hurt.

      Omega would NEVER allow another slave of his (back in the old days) to punish or even scene with another bottom. He'd use them for embarrassment or for handing him things...but he always remained mindful that the slave's willingness to please and coupled with other emotions she might not be aware of it....could lead to trouble.

      We are together by choice and it's a wonderful choice for us and you're right not many would understand it....and that's kinda sad -- but mouse can reach out to others through this blog and that's really wonderful.

      Hugs,
      mouse


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  11. Have I stood up and applauded you lately?

    consider it done!

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  12. Well said, mouse. Limits are something that my Sir and I are just starting to set into place. I think when I think about not having limits my mind automatically goes to "except for the obvious, no death, loss of limb, or what would be considered permanently damaging". Until reading this post I think I would have said that I have no limits. Not any longer!!

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    1. Honestly, that's the best thing mouse could hear!

      We all have limits and being honest about them...and sometimes you don't know they are limit until faced with the scenario. But you have to be honest that they are there and could come up...and leave that door open.

      Some can be pushed, gently but others are meant to be red flags...

      Hugs,
      mouse

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