This is a scary post for mouse to write, the kind of post that leaves mouse feeling very vulnerable and somewhat afraid.
Since mouse has been with Daddy there have been many changes, each one better than the next. People might not agree on everything Daddy's done or comfortable with the level of control he has over mouse. Some say it just makes mouse more dependent on him.
It makes mouse anxious to write this, like panicky. Daddy is sitting behind mouse though watching. Telling her to just breathe. If there is anyone in the world behind her -- it's gotta be Daddy. The biggest most profound change in mouse has been that she is better, more well-rounded and able to deal with things more so than before.
When mouse reflects on her life, she sees the glaring pattern of ignoring issues -- by throwing herself into other things. Today, there's no hiding from things or using distractions. The most important thing that Daddy taught her was to just take things one by one. Before if she felt overwhelmed she would ignore completely by doing something else not at all related to the issue. An example might be if the house was a disaster, mouse would ignore it by making cookies. It never works it fixes nothing.
It'll be just as overwhelming forever unless you do the steps to fix it. For years and years mouse didn't deal with any of her PTSD. Instead she worked. As long as she worked everything was fine. Being with Daddy forced mouse to stop. He stopped her moments of insanity and made her deal with her issues.
Did he help her?
Did he make her feel safe?
Did he do the work for her by controlling her?
His control allowed mouse to be brave enough to do her own work.
To be strong and brave enough, to borrow from his courage; to deal.
Today, mouse is more able to handle things better than before. It doesn't matter how much control he takes, he gives back more.
Song Selection: Don't Fear the Reaper; Blue Oyster Cult