Letting Go

"Remove your clothing, except the corset. I do not need your tits." Daddy said in his matter-of-fact tone he has. He's indifferent tonight and doesn't care a wit about mouse's discomfort at undressing in the freezing cold garage. In the back seat of his car, he first lectures mouse on her punishment. All the infractions and poor choices she made.

"Are you even bothering to pay better attention?"

Followed by, "Let's get this over."

He moved the seats forward as far as they'd go, to give him more room and presented mouse with the cane first.

After mouse recounted all her failures to meet his expectations and offered solutions of what she should, could or would do differently, he had her lean over the seat. It was only then she realized he'd added in all the previous infractions. 18 whacks, mouse counted off each one. Anytime she's punished, she becomes like a petulant child at first refusing to cry, then later surrendering to the tears and to him.

After he softens a little, holding mouse close to him, telling her she'll do better next week. All is over and for now there's relief of a completely clean slate. Then mouse genuinely thanks him, kisses the cane and just melts.

He gathers her clothing and wraps mouse in a blanket and together we walk up the stairs to the third floor. Suddenly mouse is completely exhausted and can't think of anything but sleeping. Daddy helps her remove the corset and watches as she brushes her teeth. He pulls her into bed and holds her for a little in case she needs to talk. Getting punished in the car triggered a memory of sorts.

Back when she had her Camero, she used to thank 'master' each time she shifted gears. The previous owner had trained her by hitting her with a ruler anytime she didn't.

Daddy pulled mouse close. He told her it didn't matter anymore. Those days were over and couldn't hurt her. He cautioned mouse not to give power to fears.

Suddenly mouse felt anxious, like maybe she shouldn't have mentioned it. But Daddy never moved just nuzzled her.  Like he was wrapping her a blanket of trust.  

Each time she shares something like that in her past it frees her a little more. It's letting go of it all, the hurt and anguish, giving it to him. He's careful to never berate or belittle mouse over those incidences. He just quietly takes them from her. After making her mental lists for today, she felt calm and drifted to sleep.

This morning, he pulled her close and we had amazing sex. Always a good way to begin the day.

Shabbat Shalom!