Lately mouse is feeling very self-conscious...it's like the whole world can see that she's a slave to Master, more so probably than ever before. Like she's walking around shackled or something. Or there's a tattoo on her forehead. This slave is owned by.....
Maybe it's just mouse's imagination but it seems there's been an odd shift in the real world. Last week the butcher handed mouse the monthly bill, the envelope was sealed with Daddy's name on it. Just Daddy's name.
Now it's probably just because he pays the bills. It made mouse feel odd.
Later at the market, mouse didn't have quite enough cash; and mouse was going to put something back, but the checker just said it wasn't a big deal, wrote out a slip, saying he knew mouse's husband would pay it. Who does this anymore? Yes ok...we're regulars...they know mouse by name and always direct her to items or sales she'd be interested in.
They pride themselves on being helpful. In some ways also mouse felt like Lucy Ricardo about to "splain" to Ricky why she needed more money or something. Did mouse really not need to ever worry about this stuff? Later Daddy told mouse she didn't need to worry about it. He would give her a bit more money. It wasn't a big deal. So why was mouse pouting?
Before Daddy, mouse handled her money. Well, ok, bills were always paid on time and she didn't think much about what spent on something she wanted or needed. But also, the biggest expenses were her car and house. The car was 20 years old when she bought it, and owned it for nearly another 20. At one time or another everything had been replaced. It was, by the time Daddy was in her life, essentially a newer car...
Finances were never something mouse spent time organizing. Bills came in and where paid, then tossed out. Anything tax deductible went into a shoe box or left haphazardly on her desk...Our first meeting at tax time with his accountant (mouse prepared her taxes herself using a program and she'll admit guesswork), was horrifying. He came with files. Organized and expenses drawn out neatly and mouse showed up (do we need to mention late) with a shoe box of receipts just tossed in without explanation, although mouse felt most were self-explanatory.
He receives the bills and pays them, sometimes mouse doesn't even see them. Why was all this bothering so much? It's really strange that mouse didn't really think much about all this before. Daddy was open about everything, anything mouse wanted to see he explained or just showed her. In the end he told her it was natural to feel vulnerable. Was that what mouse was feeling? He assured mouse he wouid take care of her. Somehow seeing it all did help mouse to feel a bit better.
It's hard and confusing at times, feeling like mouse should balance what the media or maybe society says she should be. 50 years ago, the thought probably wouldn't have entered her mind. But today she's supposed to be a modern woman and involved or even controlling money.
Hours later, in bed, after meditation, when we cuddled into familiar positions, Daddy's body over mouse's and the thought returned. How many of her friends would love to leave the money worry to their husbands? It's not like mouse can just buy whatever she wants and spending money isn't the point. Daddy's very generous with mouse. Even now she wants to make an excuse for that. Truthfully, she loves it. Deep down it bothers her because she likes it.
It's like when Daddy spanks mouse, or hits her with a crop, or whatever. Part of her always feels she shouldn't enjoy it, it shouldn't make her wet...he shouldn't plunge his fingers into her to embarrass mouse and show her, she's really soaked. The control he has over her actually does arouse mouse. Since he's been pushing mouse to wear the corset, she's been aroused all the time as though she doesn't know what to do with that arousal.
While having those thoughts mouse felt that area between her legs pulse, quiver and become damp. New frustration was settling in. Daddy whispered into mouse's ear to sleep. It seems she'd been rubbing against him.