Lately mouse is feeling very self-conscious...it's like the whole world can see that she's a slave to Master, more so probably than ever before. Like she's walking around shackled or something. Or there's a tattoo on her forehead. This slave is owned by.....
Maybe it's just mouse's imagination but it seems there's been an odd shift in the real world. Last week the butcher handed mouse the monthly bill, the envelope was sealed with Daddy's name on it. Just Daddy's name.
Now it's probably just because he pays the bills. It made mouse feel odd.
Later at the market, mouse didn't have quite enough cash; and mouse was going to put something back, but the checker just said it wasn't a big deal, wrote out a slip, saying he knew mouse's husband would pay it. Who does this anymore? Yes ok...we're regulars...they know mouse by name and always direct her to items or sales she'd be interested in.
They pride themselves on being helpful. In some ways also mouse felt like Lucy Ricardo about to "splain" to Ricky why she needed more money or something. Did mouse really not need to ever worry about this stuff? Later Daddy told mouse she didn't need to worry about it. He would give her a bit more money. It wasn't a big deal. So why was mouse pouting?
Before Daddy, mouse handled her money. Well, ok, bills were always paid on time and she didn't think much about what spent on something she wanted or needed. But also, the biggest expenses were her car and house. The car was 20 years old when she bought it, and owned it for nearly another 20. At one time or another everything had been replaced. It was, by the time Daddy was in her life, essentially a newer car...
Finances were never something mouse spent time organizing. Bills came in and where paid, then tossed out. Anything tax deductible went into a shoe box or left haphazardly on her desk...Our first meeting at tax time with his accountant (mouse prepared her taxes herself using a program and she'll admit guesswork), was horrifying. He came with files. Organized and expenses drawn out neatly and mouse showed up (do we need to mention late) with a shoe box of receipts just tossed in without explanation, although mouse felt most were self-explanatory.
He receives the bills and pays them, sometimes mouse doesn't even see them. Why was all this bothering so much? It's really strange that mouse didn't really think much about all this before. Daddy was open about everything, anything mouse wanted to see he explained or just showed her. In the end he told her it was natural to feel vulnerable. Was that what mouse was feeling? He assured mouse he wouid take care of her. Somehow seeing it all did help mouse to feel a bit better.
It's hard and confusing at times, feeling like mouse should balance what the media or maybe society says she should be. 50 years ago, the thought probably wouldn't have entered her mind. But today she's supposed to be a modern woman and involved or even controlling money.
Hours later, in bed, after meditation, when we cuddled into familiar positions, Daddy's body over mouse's and the thought returned. How many of her friends would love to leave the money worry to their husbands? It's not like mouse can just buy whatever she wants and spending money isn't the point. Daddy's very generous with mouse. Even now she wants to make an excuse for that. Truthfully, she loves it. Deep down it bothers her because she likes it.
It's like when Daddy spanks mouse, or hits her with a crop, or whatever. Part of her always feels she shouldn't enjoy it, it shouldn't make her wet...he shouldn't plunge his fingers into her to embarrass mouse and show her, she's really soaked. The control he has over her actually does arouse mouse. Since he's been pushing mouse to wear the corset, she's been aroused all the time as though she doesn't know what to do with that arousal.
While having those thoughts mouse felt that area between her legs pulse, quiver and become damp. New frustration was settling in. Daddy whispered into mouse's ear to sleep. It seems she'd been rubbing against him.
14 comments:
Thank you for this post, Mouse.
This particular post today brought two rather opposing feelings. If you don’t mind, I’d like to share them with you.
First and foremost, as are my feelings with most of your posts, I feel a tremendous amount of envy, desire, and – in many ways – a newly discovered emptiness that I hope to one day have filled with the will, strength, and control of my Master. I’ve said before and I will repeat again – you and Omega are very lucky to have found one another. Yes, there has been lots of mutual effort and hard work, but the rewards are unfathomable and infinite.
Secondly, I’ve been in financial planning/wealth management for many years now. I am one of those compassionate, analytical types. The point is I have personally worked with 20+ widows and widowers whose spouses have unexpectedly passed away. They have been left with this immense hole in their life. While dealing with their grief and emotions of their loved one’s death, many of those spouses are faced with the reality that they know nothing of their financial situation. Something as simple as knowing the password to their personal checking account or how often they need to fill their home with heating oil and are suddenly without heat. The list of actual examples is too long for this. (One poor widow had incurred $3k of overdraft charges because money was simply not moved from a savings account on schedule.)
I certainly hope nothing unfortunate happens to either one of you, but the best prevention is preparation. It lightened my heart to read that Omega will show you anything you desire. And I am CERTAINLY not trying to create any anxiety in your world, mouse. Please just consider this wisdom that I can share with you and Omega along your journey.
As always, thank you for sharing your journey with us.
Mouse, Having recently found your blog I am very much enjoying it. I really like your style of communicating. Unlike you I am at the first blush of submission, despite being married over 20 years. I was recently thinking that I had a neon sign with an arrow pointing at me saying "submissive woma here". I've had a few odd interactions with people. I wonder is there a vibe submissive women put off?? In many of the blogs that I read, the women say they are only submissive only to their husbands or at home only, but I find myself more and more quiet and more thoughtful. Maybe there really is a neon sign?? Thanks for sharing. k
I really liked what you said about your thinking of how many friends of yours would love to leave the money worry to their husbands....gosh that has really struck home with me...especially..well since what i said in my comment the other day about how im more restricted with my spending..and feeling resentful about it...when perhaps i should be looking it in a way that i am fortunate money isnt something i need concern myself about......but..yeah theres a but!
I also am thinking about what you said about todays society, media etc and i feel like its expected that i should be more aware of the finances, but yet im quite content not having to.
x
I know that guilty feeling, of the internalised societal norms that says "should" and "ought". I love that Mistress takes care of the finances. I have two credit cards, one that is shared and that covers household expenses, and one that is tied to my personal account, where I get my allowance. More than that, I have no idea.
Mistress has the only income and pays all the bills, makes the big decisions and the planning. I spend my allowance on lunches and books, and don't worry about the rest. Groceries and things to the kid I buy when needed with the joint card, and tells her about it.
The only troublesome part of this arrangement is how good it makes me feel...
It's those damn walls that people, books, and such put in our heads; they tell us we shouldn't like things and that in turn makes it hard to accept the fact that we like it. Ugh! I hate those damn walls.
Sorry, touchy subject. lol.
I'm always interested in literary style and what it comprises (Kate draws attention to it.) It's your style, I believe, mouse, that helps to get you so many followers, quite aside from the subject matter and your ability to articulate your heart's feelings.
Oh wow, there is so much here, that resonates with me.
Money-Simply put...math is not my strong suit. So it doesn't bother me that H takes care of the bills, or the banque accounts, or the taxes. He is generous with spending money and I have never felt like I should not like this....H has the better mind for it..and that is quite an acceptable "reason" to give people; without going into the "He's HOH..." explanations.
So I guess it didn't really affect me on the same guilt-inducing level, that say, staying at home does.
But...I have been feeling the "ought" to's and comparisons lately with how we are or interact and its a topic I am hoping to explore soon.
Your story of being at the markets, made me smile:
We really live in a village and clerks and butchers telling me not to worry about it or adding it to the tab, is not out of the norm here : )
Many thanks for visiting my corner of Blogland.
e,
Yes! It can't be overstated can it? It's a subject we never want to think about or even discuss. Daddy's a planner...so yes there's a lengthy list.
Plus he's got an attorney who will help mouse -- hugely important.
Thanks for adding your voice to this! It's good for others to hear it and good to know that we're on the right track!
Hugs,
mouse
Kate,
Daddy says there is a vibe that a submissive women gives off. Not sure of mouse always believed it, but she's beginning to agree!
Hugs,
mouse
Really that's a great point. There are so many of mouse's girlfriends that are just envious. Didn't really think about much until recently.
Hugs,
mouse
It's hard feeling like we should be feeling this way or that..
We trust them...
Hugs,
mouse
Misty...
Yes..yes! But it's nice when we get through them.
Hugs,
mouse
Thanks Sir!
<3
Math and mouse aren't friends! Lol. But it's ok. The whole society thing...it's hard. Like you said the ought-to's
Hugs,
mouse
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