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Wednesday, April 30, 2014

He was Right!

The moments trickle down in mouse's thoughts like a flower withering the idea of just "Be" circles in her mind punctuated by thoughts drifting in and out.

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.

Anais Nin

That quote has been around forever and like so many beacons mouse has used from time to time points toward him. There he stands, tall, strong with a brilliant light all his own casting out the shadows of her thoughts. He called late morning suggesting we meet at a restaurant for lunch. He ordered for her as he always does, bread arrived and mouse arranged a peice on his bread plate, then placed the table olive oil nearby it.

We chatted a little and mouse kept her eyes on him. When the iced tea arrived mouse fixed his the way he liked, a squeeze of lemon and stirred, before doing her own the same. When the food arrived, she waited until,he began to eat before picking up her own fork. Carefully measuring each bite almost with his. We talked a little about his day -- which was going fine. When he was finished, so was mouse (yes there was a little food left on her plate). The server came and took away the dishes and returned shortly with the check. He picked it up and paid it. Then we got up to leave.

He walked mouse to her car, asked if she was going home. Yes, she ran all her errands on the way to lunch. He told she was a good girl and kissed her. He opened her door and handed her the keys. When he told her to drive safely she knew he meant it. As he closed her car door he told her to text him as soon as she got home.

Once the car was in the garage she sent the text. The babysitter left as soon as she arrived.Dinner was fairly light that evening with some homemade chicken wings, asperagus and shrimp salad for Daddy. After dinner, clean up and putting the princess to bed, mouse went to his study and sat nearby. He was listening to Miles Davis and working. He didn't acknowledge mouse at first, but eventually his hand reached down between her breasts and captured a nipple ring with his fingers. He tugged it gently as he heard her breathing quicken. He slipped his shoe off and nudged his foot between her legs making her open them more, then moved it upward.

With her wetness on his sock, he told her to clean it off, and watched as her eyes went wide.

"Open your mouth and stick out your tongue and clean."

He watched as she did it and chuckled a little.

He unzipped himself and beckoned mouse to suck him while he discussed important things like the upcoming summer vacation plans. Most of it spent again at the lake house. When she began to suck him faster, he tugged her hair to slow her down. He controlled all she did, as he spoke softly about all the plans he had. When he mentioned that he wouid be getting busy at work, she paused sucking him, another tug got her back to business. He outlined his expectations, while he's busy. What he wants mouse to focus on during this time. Mindfulness is the main thing, keep her focus on her daily tasks and lists. He would be sending them now to her phone from our family computer to save time. Again, mouse slowed as she considered no more lists from him. He tugged to bring her back to task and clucked about being mindful.

He told her to stop listening to him, if she was focusing on sucking him she wouldn't be bothered by anything he said. His words continued his same pattern of speaking, and mouse found it nearly impossible not to listen to him. He continued with the hair tugging as correction, and speaking softly to her about different things. Eventually she found her focus place and his words began to feel more like soft lilting white noise or maybe more like music in a restaurant.

In bed later Daddy snaked his body around her, and this time we talked, he repeated probably most of what he already told her. The main part being, he doesn't want her to be at all concerned with what the world thinks, and to only concern herself with what Daddy thinks. He said its hard, dealing with judgements of other people, but she needs to do better at steeling herself.

It all comes down to trust and while mouse does trust him -- her trust him faultered and that's what needs to stop. He knows damn well that mouse has the courage and is tough enough to handle anything thrown at her. What he wants is for her to forget about that and allow the submissive feelings come as they wish, to take open pride in them.

10 comments:

  1. letting go for me is the hardest part.

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  2. ditto to what monkey girl said, im a worrier, or perhaps more accurately i dwell on things and as much as i know that letting go is the way to go, and when i do its just so much better all round, i find it difficult.

    x

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    Replies
    1. Yes, it's like focusing on a task and letting almost everything else fall away...But letting go of everything else.

      It must be mental nirvana.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  3. I'm particularly fond of the exclamation point in the title. ;-D

    *bumps*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well it was a bit of a surprise to mouse. Although it shouldn't have been at all.

      *bumps and love*
      mouse

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  4. I don't know why it's so hard to let things go, because when I finally do, I'm happier and less frazzled. most importantly that never ending voice in my head quiets down, which is such a relief.
    it is something I'm trying to work on everyday, and I'm not sure I'll ever have to stop working on it.
    hugs mouse! xo

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    Replies
    1. Omega will tell mouse that it's best to let go of the things you can't control and focus on whatever you can.

      But when that voice (we all have) quiets -- it's like a relief.

      Hugs,
      mouse

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  5. It's hard to trust sometimes, isn't it?

    I love what you've written here btw.

    Fury

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Fury!

      Your also very correct (gosh mouse has smart readers) it is tied to trust too.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete

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