This blog contains information that is adult in nature. If you are underage please leave at once.


Tuesday, April 29, 2014

I Don't Care What You Say

There was a time long ago, where mouse didn't know what she wanted, this was before he was Daddy and even before he was Omega. See she believed she didn't want or need or maybe desired his approval for anything she did. It was her life, if he didn't approve it didn't matter.

Ah the grand lie she told herself way back when. A few days ago, while the kids were asleep she watched a movie made in the 1970s. Now, she can't recall the exact dialog, but the female character was talking with a companion/boyfriend about some future plan she had. He replied that he "approved" and the female character went into a brief monologue about how she hated the word, "appove" and how chauvinistic he was to tell her that (after all, it was the 70s and all men then were chauvinistic, or referred as the ever popular male chauvinist pigs).

But as the story had unfolded to that point, she actually did want this man's approval, or at least his validation, that whatever it was she wished to do was actually ok. This moment struck mouse, because she's always seems to look for validation or approval. From everyone and she's sometimes genuinely hurt if its not given to her. Even leading to some serious passive aggression from mouse when she felt dismissed. The need for approval was exhausting!

Obviously mouse was an apporval junky, it was her drug. Needing approval from nearly eveyone you meet, is exhausting. Especially when the only apporval she should need -- wouid come from her very immediate family, maybe kids but more so from Daddy.

What changed?

In some ways, nothing, but as she learns more about herself, things do change and Daddy is there offering his validation, support, love and even his apporval.

 

12 comments:

  1. I feel very similar to you. I can hardly stand to feel disapproval, especially of someone I like or care about. I have always needed Master's approval most of all, even back when we were totally vanilla. But now I remind myself consciously that he's the important one, and that if someone else doesn't get it, that is their problem, not mine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, this is how mouse should be feeling. It's hard for her at times, the more social we've become (work functions and other things) you're bombarded with messages and some go completely against what you want. Of course she should be just concerned with what Daddy wants (that's certainly how he wants it) but also not being afraid or worrying about the neighbors -- when she displays active submission.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  2. WC here

    Just wanted to stop by and say Hi Mouse

    Very interesting blog

    WC

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow and thanks WC for stopping by! (waves hi back)

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  3. I'm an approval junkie too. And if I can't get it, it's upsetting. And if I really can't I will eventually get mad and think "well fuck you anyway". Not very mature of me.

    Fury

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ^^^
      This! YES!

      Exactly what mouse does (at times), and it's exhausting.

      Thanks for letting mouse know she's not alone.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  4. This made me think about the similarities of needing approval and being needy in general, its taken me a long while, and im not entirely at ease with it now, that its ok to be needy, he likes that i have this dependency on him, that i need and seek out his approval.

    I think the need for approval goes very much in hand with the need to be pleasing, (and perhaps as well acceptance) and its impossible to please everyone and trying to inevitably leads to making oneself miserable...and im still learning that!

    x



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh wow tori -- this is what mouse truly loves about blogging. You brought up the neediness thing and mouse didn't even consider they were related!

      You're completely right. It's hard for people who are for lack of better term people pleasers (?) for us not to just stop caring about what others might think.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  5. Lovely post..I think it is quite true that nothing much fundemental changes in a lot of cases, ts is the deeper understanding and learning about ourselves that we gain in our own journeys through life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks little, you nailed it.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete
  6. Yes! So hard for me to wrap my mind around wanting to do as I please yet needing that approval too. I fight so hard against any sort of guideline and then kinda go crazy without it. Nice to know I'm not alone in that, and from the sound of it lots feel that way too

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. chickadee,

      There are mental gymnastics we have to do at times, and it's not for exercise, for many of us who can't be involved in the lifestyle in a physical way -- It can be so isolating not knowing if what you feel is "normal" and a bit comforting to learn that others have had the same struggles.

      Hugs,
      mouse

      Delete

Comments are suspended for now.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.