Sirly or Just Surly?

Thursday was demerit day here, all day long as she does every Thursday, mouse had butterflies. By the evening she thought she might throw up. Daddy called her into his study and was all business like, he rattled through the list and told mouse how disappointed he was. The time for tears was past, he said he's noticed several behaviors that continue to repeat. From now on, he decided repeat offenses would be worth double the normal amount.

For now he wants mouse to call him Sir most or the time, to help her to remember. He then told her to bend over and lift her skirt. He began with his leather strap and ended with the cane. The sobs and huge tears caused her mascara to run. He watches as mouse repaired her makeup. Then she began to leave.

"You forgot to thank me."

"Thank you Sir."

"Did I dismiss you?"

Oh yeah, that's kinda an expectation, isn't it?

He instead spoke to mouse first commending her -- it seems her annual anxiety has greatly diminished the past couple years and for that he was pleased. At the same time while maintenance does help with mouse's overall mindset, he felt a small changes might be in order. He doesn't mind that he makes mouse feel safe, secure and Daddy-like. But he said there's been a lack of overall respect. Too familiar maybe?

He has a point, mouse has been a little too free with her words lately and at times downright snarky. Something she wouldn't have dreamed of just last year. We both have gotten casual or maybe lazy? While our "play" has increased a bit, other parts have become lax and the respect mouse used to actively demonstrate (but always feels) has diminished. He said there was absolutely no reason mouse should ever feel the need to suppress or effectively hide her submission or submissive leanings. He's noted a few times recently mouse mentioning suppressing or not wanting to let her submissive side out.

Why should she feel the need to bend to what society thinks she should be like or behave? It was time, he said thst mouse let go the constraints of what others expected and focus on what he wanted. Now, mouse is paraphrasing this a good deal, but there's no question he was right. There has been moments where mouse caved somewhat to what society believes a modern woman to be.

Recently, we attended a charity type event, there was a woman (obviously middle eastern) there, she was behaving quite submissive, doting on her companion -- had no opinion on anything. An acquaintance of mouse's called the woman a ninny and suddenly mouse felt a blush of selfconsiousness and probably began compensating -- just in case this acquaintance thought mouse was a 'ninny' also.

In the car, on our way mouse told Daddy about it -- he said then he'd seen the woman and thought it was sweet but mouse actually argued he didn't understand.

No, he did understand and it was mouse that wasn't "getting it" and the weight of the moment made mouse suddenly feel like the slightly awkward teen trying to impress a cool kid to make friends. Who do you want your friends to be? The honest truth was that mouse probably had more in common with the "ninny" than the acquaintance.

We'll just file that under the sad but true file and leave it.

Last night, we went to a friends house for a cocktail party, mouse got Daddy a plate of bites she thought he'd enjoy and then refreshed his cocktail. This group was all friends of ours, people we've shared many meals with in the past. Suddenly mouse didn't feel odd or like a ninny, in fact she felt oddly comfortable and at ease.

Maybe she's been grappling at least mentally longer than she realized. Feeling the pull of her inner feminist playing tug of war with her inner slave. The larger part might have more about the post she wrote last year about Justifying our relationship to strangers. Perhaps what happened did affect mouse more than she cared to admit. Whatever he's right about one thing, lately mouse has been compensating and eager to demonstrate that she's not "one of those ninnies" and perhaps instead she should just "be."