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Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Weaving Time in a Tapestry

Not too long ago, Daddy and mouse were on opposite sides of a good mood. This was before the return to maintenance spanking and our weekend alone without kids.  We argued, which is rare enough, but then mouse left the room and sat down, flipped on the TV and began watching something. Every relationship has signals and this was a clear "back off" signal coming from mouse.  

Funny, but mouse can't recall what began the fuss and now it's not important, perhaps a bit part of her drift from him?  

Whatever the reason, he turned very cold.  It's like the settling of winter, one can't be sure how long it will last or how awful it will be until you're sitting in the middle of it.  When it was time for bed, mouse was still watching TV.  He let the dogs out (who were completely confused because it went against the routine) and when they returned he turned off the lights, set the alarm and began making is way upstairs as though mouse wasn't around. 

Well, two can play at that game, mouse finished the episode of the show she was watching and then went upstairs to bed.  He was already in bed and mouse made the executive decision to skip meditation, and just wash her face, brush teeth and all that stuff.  Then mouse put on her pretty nightgown and climbed into bed.  

Daddy didn't move.  

There's been a handful of times when Daddy was so angered with mouse that he wouldn't allow her to touch him.  He effectively removes himself.  Like an invisible wall goes up.  At the time mouse just thought he was being silly and that made her more angry, so when he rebuffed her offer of morning oral...words were said like "Fine, see if i give a shit." came flying out of her mouth. 

He showered alone, and mouse just waited and then showered.  He didn't offer  or mention the corset so mouse put on bra and picked out her own clothing for the day.  We continued to stew in a respective anger and didn't talk.  

Sure, neither of us could recall what set all this off, but now we both had new reasons to be angry or disillusioned.  All day mouse didn't receive a single text message from him and spent most of the day playing Angry Birds, Candy Crush and a host of other 'time wasters.'  When it was time to cook dinner, she made food mostly with the kids in mind.  He came in and looked at the meal and sat down.  He did chat with the kids, and did all that he'd do any other evening where they were concerned.  After that, he just went into his study and closed the door.  

Our youngest (who's two and can open a door) went in, and mouse didn't stop her. When mouse peered around the corner, Daddy was reading the child a story. Damn him anyway -- the toddler wasn't getting his frosty treatment and of course he wouldn't.  The only time we interacted was when it was time for the baby to go to bed.  He handed her off to mouse, and gave her a kiss goodnight.  

As mouse carried the child upstairs she heard the door to his study close.  

By this time, mouse's frost was beginning to melt and knew she'd have to make the first move to get over that wall he'd built.  Later after getting everything more or less settled mouse stood outside his study door and softly knocked.  At least he invited her in, he could have ignored her.  He told mouse to close the door behind her.  

Willfulness is a funny thing -- once you've begun being obstinate about something, it's hard to stop.  Yet at the same time, being punished is easier than waiting for the d├ętente that needed to happen.  So, mouse asked if she could bring him anything and he said no.  Dismissive.  Then mouse told him she was sorry.  He ignored it.  

What did he want?  

At that point mouse was about to leave the study -- if he wants act like a spoiled child, let him.  He'll get over it or not...But mouse too was behaving rather like a petulant child also.  

Finally mouse blurted, "what do you want from me?"

Daddy replied, "Your respect."

Feeling defensive mouse countered, "does that mean i must agree with everything you say, because alert the media we don't agree on everything and never will."

Daddy softly replied, "You disrespected me." 

In going back over the incident, much clearer in mouse's mind at the time, he didn't care that we didn't agree, he cared about mouse being rude about it.  Her "fuck you" attitude had come out.  The bitter child who says simply, "you're stupid." and not, 'here's why i disagree.'  Without realizing it, mouse has shut a door to discussion.  Probably at the time only because she "felt" he was wrong had no real authority to back it up.  

There wasn't any counter argument she could make, just her emotions.  

The next time mouse apologized she really meant it.  He was still frosty and probably angry and annoyed with mouse.  He can't change gears that quickly without a proper resolution and at that point, mouse only wanted to get back that nice place.  To fix things and make it better.  

So, she knelt before him and unbuttoned the blouse she wore.  Too little, and way too late.  For a moment when he stood, she thought she'd get to suck him but instead he walked passed her and opened the study door.  Quickly mouse rebuttoned her blouse and left.  Now remorse was settling.  

Inside the master bedroom, mouse undressed and meditated for a long time, longer than usual.  It really wasn't meditation in the strict sense since her thoughts were jumbled but she sitting quietly and contemplating -- everything. Daddy eventually came upstairs and sort of walked around mouse as he did his thing.  Then he offered his hand to help mouse up and finally pulled her into his arms and held her tightly.  

The thaw had begun.

Now, mouse would like to say that it was over quickly but no.  The next morning as mouse recalls he refused again oral but allowed her into the shower where he masturbated.  That was punishment, a clear message that she wasn't worthy.  But during the day she sent him a text message and he replied.  Then he sent one, so mouse was a bit optimistic.  

This wasn't about him being busy or distracted -- it was about him being disappointed -- and feeling he wasn't receiving the respect he deserved.  If mouse can say, it wasn't that incident that caused it all -- it was probably something he's noticed for a while and reached a tipping point with him.  Maybe?  

Dinner was for him, a spicy chicken dish he likes and he complimented mouse. After dinner mouse asked if she be in his study to read.  He handed her a book and said the light was better in any other room.  

"i'm trying." 

"I know." he replied and closed the door and effectively shutting her out.  

After the kids were all in bed, mouse returned to the hallway and sat on the floor outside his study door.  Waiting for him.  

When he finally exited it, mouse remained on the floor and wrapping herself him, kneeling submissively at his feet.  Begging silently for this to end, surrendering, capitulating -- what ever word you want to use...

He helped her up, held her for a moment and we walked upstairs.  There was no hope really in mouse that this was over.  Upstairs mouse was feeling drained emotionally and crippled with angst but again knelt at his feet, pleading with him again silently.  Anything.  Force his cock into her mouth, beat her, whatever...just make it stop.  He held mouse in bed and with his body snaked around her own and at last we talked.  He didn't hurt or use her sexually, he just held her and we spoke nicely.  Eventually we both fell asleep.  

In the morning mouse felt better but was still wary, if he had rejected her it would have been soul crushing.  Hoping he would grab hold of her head and force her down on him, but he didn't do that.  He did accept the oral pleasure -- much like he does every morning.  We showered together and after he had mouse raise her arms for the corset.  

It was shortly after all this occurred we did return to maintenance and the hazy shade of winter passed eventually giving way to a new springtime renewal.   Maybe it's the way it had to happen?   

9 comments:

  1. I hate the frosty thing more than anything in the world. I have been stubborn like that at times, also, more so in past times than recently. It always ends with me crying and begging, apologizing for everything, and he usually forgives me relatively quickly after that.

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  2. mouse, this was a great post. I'm sure it wasn't easy to write (it wouldn't be for me), but I'm so thankful you did.

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  3. Tapestries often become frayed and a little unravelled, seems to me you have stitched yours back together and it is as vibrant as ever.

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  4. mouse, thank you so much for sharing this honest description of a difficult time for the two of you.
    Last night I had decided to really take care of Alder as I knew he'd had a hard day. Yet somehow I blew it and had a bit of a tantrum over nothing, really. Sullen silence for the rest of the evening from both of us.
    Thankfully he ended it by pulling me into him before bedtime, spanked me then held me tight.
    Sometimes dealing with one another's petty moods lets us see each other's strength.

    Ash

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  5. monkey girl.. it did me too, because i know that cold treatment and how soul destroying it can be, Mouse, how brave to write about it and i am so glad that things are ok now.
    hugs
    saffy

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  6. frost is the worst. it's a punishment in itself and i think it punishes everyone. :( i'm sure it was a hard post to put down in words because it's hard to relive those times and yet quite therapeutic. i'm glad you guys worked it all out.

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  7. Thanks for all the comments, understanding and love that came across. We all hate the frostiness from our Dominant types.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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  8. Why is it that we can't just communicate through these things, instead we have to take things way too far and then, once the anger passes, the guilt and dispare can be overwhelming. I am so sorry. I have done and felt the same. It is so difficult. But like you said, sometimes the renewal, the growth after the fact almost seem to like it was what was needed.

    Hugs,
    Fiona

    Thanks for the glimpses into who you both are together.

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