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Friday, November 21, 2014

Solitary Man

Daddy likes things the way he likes them, his clothing is in a distinct order,he only wears white shirts with his suits. Yes, his suits are made to order by a tailor. His car is immaculate, inside and out. It speaks to his sense of order. He has only one pen and he alone uses it. If someone else needs a pen they'll have to look elsewhere (once mouse dared to use his pen to jot an extra item down on her shopping list and he looked violated).

He's protective with his things and careful with them. He refuses to participate in idle office chatter, he's got a job to do and if the issue is pertaining to that it will be dealt with. He's competitive also, when he plays golf, he's usually the first to suggest a wager. He's not a man who relaxes easily and prefers to be occupied preferably with work, if not that sports. He will watch them on TV but likes to actually watch the game. It's not an excuse to be social.

He loathes parties or social gatherings because they interfere with work or sports, but he's rarely impolite about it. He's not in anyway socially awkward though and seems quite at ease. He just doesn't care for social events. He's not one to to out and buy someone a gift, unless it's under duress. Then he'll wander the store unable to decide and walk away with a gift card (which he believes is completely practical), and complain about the waste of time. He never keeps pocket change. The change goes into a dish on a dresser and when it's full, he rolls the coins and takes them to the bank. His briefcase, computer desktop, and everything else is so orderly, he could lose his eyesight and still be able to name where everything is. He can tell you exactly the contents of his wallet. He rarely uses a credit card, sometimes he'll use an ATM card, but really prefers cash.

On the opposite side, mouse isn't that way, her part of the closet has her things mushed together, in no particular order, shoes are rather tossed. Summer clothes ramble beside the winter stuff. The SUV is a disaster with reusable bags for shopping and other needed crap. Daddy swears one day a horrible disease will wipe out most of humanity and will eventually be directly traced back to her petri dish vehicle. He calls it affectionately "ground zero" and jokes about tetanus shots. Pens, pencils come and go from her life -- always without one when she needs it.

While mouse doesn't have pockets to stuff things into, she does have a purse, which was always quite honestly is a disaster. Money, loose coins forever rolling around the bottom, and it takes her forever to locate her keys. The wallet has so much stuff there is hardly room for cash. Then there's all the other things, stray menus from restaurants or takeout places, lipstick, a key to a lock -- no clue what lock though. Various medicines, like benadryl and cold remedies. Then there's an oddball thing, a plastic bag for sometimes if she has to remove a plug -- because she'll totally forget to have one and be stuck wearing longer than she or Daddy might intend.

Drawers are never neat, at least the ones mouse uses things are forever piled atop other soon-to-be forgotten stuff. Open a drawer of his and things are arranged neatly like tin soldiers in a row.

It's true, mouse doesn't mind social occasions and loves meeting her girlfriends for shopping trips and spa days. Most certainly mouse prefers entertaining in our home, but understands that's not always possible. Daddy hates entertaining in our home and going out. Unless its just the two of us or a small gathering.

How do we, a seemingly odd couple, coexist? Surely mouse must have the crap beaten out of her daily for forcing him to see such disarray. Nope, we both bend to reach somewhere in the middle. Daddy doesn't mind mouse has no system to her clothing, so long as they're respected and never tossed on the floor. He doesn't open a drawer of hers unless he truly must and completely gets the fact that tampons, while he personally might not care to see, are a fact of life. So are the brushes, combs, hair products, makeup, perfume and everything else that goes with her. In return mouse forgives his neatness and refrains from complaining that he's already replaced the cap on the toothpaste before she can reach for it. And he forgives the fact that he fully knows the tube will be squeezed from the middle -- and the cap, well he'll return it the next time he brushes his teeth.

He knows the vehicle she drives is well maintained, and safe for her drive, despite it might be a little unkept. Daddy also knows mouse will clean it out herself now and then.

One thing does remain clear, although mouse is fully aware that Daddy loves her, he doesn't always say those words. He will be first to admit that he takes it for granted that mouse knows how he feels. At times, when things are very quiet or settled, mouse will tell him that she loves him. He'll give mouse a squeeze if we're say, sitting on the sofa, or kiss her fingers. Rarely does he return the words. One of our larger arguments was years ago, when he told mouse he loved her after she gave him a blow-job. Guess it was pretty impressive. It wasn't the right moment for him to say it -- at least to mouse's ear. It was incredibly upsetting to her and he was completely caught off guard by the venom. Although mouse can't recall what she said but it was probably something like 'you go months without saying it and you decide when you're all contented after oral to say it then?' It took a while for her to calm down and remember that while he doesn't always say those words, he does show them. In all the things he does, to make mouse's life more comfortable and so she'll feel secure. That aspect has greatly improved, and mouse is first to admit she throws the words around a lot. So, really it probably means extra when Daddy says it. Because in whatever moment he chooses to express it, he probably means a whole lot more.

11 comments:

  1. I have the same problem in my van! Although once punished for it after H ended up with a melted fruit snack on the bottom of his shoes and some other sticky residue on his pants... I have kept it much cleaner! I do draw a line with the toothpaste tube being squeezed in the middle though. :)

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    1. Ah the dreaded toothpaste tube. How many battles have been fought? Lol
      Are you blogging again Emi? Sure miss you, but so happy you're still around. <3

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  2. Hi Mouse- This was such as sweet post! I love to hear those 3 words - but mostly because Daddy and I are still LDR today and so it gets said numerous times during the day. When we are physically together- it is not said as much (the urgency and distance not being there) but I have to say I do miss it. I think it is what you are accustom to and comfortable with.

    ~faithful

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    1. Yes, in LDR, mouse thinks you do have to be more verbal or expressive. With Daddy, mouse always has remind herself to look beyond the words.

      Hugs!

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  3. It's interesting to hear about marital dynamics. I'm not non-talker in our world (ironically). He says I love you, I want you, I need you a hundred times a day. I hold back. But it doesn't me I don't feel it. It's good that you realize that he feels it because he shows it. And that you know when he does say it, it really means something. Not that it doesn't when you say it. But...you catch my drift....

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    1. Yes, this, and it's taken mouse a while to get used to it and embrace it.

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  4. What a lovely post mouse! I really enjoy reading how you and your Daddy are so different but have learned to compromise so lovingly.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. It's not all sunshine and lollipops, but we do work hard at our relationship.

      It's really work that never stops. Thanks for your comment Cat and thanks for reading.

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  5. It was great to see how your differences end up complimenting each other. Love is a funny, beautiful thing.

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