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Friday, May 8, 2015

Room Full of Mirrors

Good Morning friends, as you can imagine mouse feels very confused about the feelings she's had this last week. Perhaps the feelings have always been there and Daddy just unlocked them. Submissive confusion.

It's in the way he draws the slut out, as much as mouse hates it, the slut loves it. The rational side says its wrong to like this, to be degraded, debased in such a way, but the slut cries for more. It's equally odd to mouse that more, in our private time, when the degrading things happen, in our public side, Daddy seems more protective of mouse.

As women we're told that we shouldn't stand for any type of objectification, it is completely wrong. Yet mouse loves it. It's her dirty little secret and always has been. When she was with alpha (for all his trouble and faults) there were times he and Omega would objectify mouse. On her knees with a cock in her mouth, or wherever (who's didn't matter) they would calmly carry on a conversation. It was as though mouse wasn't there, or serving them coffee. It was like her presence was barely noted.

They would discuss whatever, work related things, sports, golf...all the while mouse would suck or be fucked. You'd think it would make her feel as though she didn't matter but the truth was, she liked it. Even now, she doesn't want to admit it, because he'll see it and learn her nasty secret but then she also knows that he's probably been aware of it for years.

Thursday, mouse sent Daddy a text message, "imma bitch." Across town and the distance between us, mouse could feel him -- and he quickly replied that whatever the reason didn't matter. Hours later he sent mouse a text asking if she still felt bitchy and mouse replied, "more than ever" Daddy said he understood and offered to pick up dinner.

With little planned for dinner mouse felt relieved and thanked him. Much later he asked about mouse's day, and the whole thing spilled out -- all the horrible details of mouse's bitchiness. Daddy reminded mouse everyone has an off day. It wasn't that the day was so terrible, or overwhelming at all -- it was that mouse didn't want to be the mean person. Why can't she just be the happy person who just smiles and isn't fussed by anything? Why does the sacastic bitchy mouse have to come out? Why can't she take something negative and turn it into something positive and do that instead of griping about the negative.

On some level mouse knows there's "no use crying over spilled milk" yet when it happens mouse yells and becomes a bitch. Why can't Daddy change that? Surely he could punish her for it now?

Wait what?!

Did mouse just beg to be punished?

Daddy said that mouse had broken none of her expectations all week, even now, there's nothing that reads or implies, Daddy can control or should want to control mouse's thoughts. The only requirement is that she share her frustrations or mistakes with him and if possible ask for his opinion. He knows the bitchy mouse means well and he sympathized with her. He can't fix everything, but he also said not everything needs repair.

2 comments:

  1. mouse, your experiences with being bitchy mouse at times are a relief to hear. I sometimes confuse my inability to stop the bitch with not being submissive at all, I see that part of me and it just feels like a large step back.

    Thank you for sharing this mouse.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Having those bitchy moments isn't the problem, we all get them, but when we don't know we're in that frame of mind and resist being drawn out of it, that's when the problem begins.

    ReplyDelete

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