It seems mouse did cause a whole lot of concern in her last post. Really as she tried to explain in the comments she hadn't meant to. The problem is at times that mouse often has so much to say or express that during the rewrites things are left out. Sometimes it's because she planned to move the thought to a different paragraph or whatever.
When we played and tried what mouse called the poly thing, it failed horribly. That was back in 2011. After that mouse concluded he could do what he wanted but didn't want to know anything about it, or anyone else. The hard limit was dropped, but mouse was still miles from where she needed to be. He didn't engage anyone else until the end of 2013. During that time between, he worked very hard with mouse with her abuse issues of the past. He demonstrated time and again how committed he was to mouse. He has shown her nothing but the deepest love.
In many ways mouse did try to top him from the bottom, when she would try to make him want to stay home. He didn't fall for it ever. It's not anything she's proud of.
Really in retrospect, the problems were that mouse wouldn't discuss it with him much, mentally flipping out at the thought, and her own nagging insecurities that she just wasn't enough. Then the crushing failure of trying to be more. Had she spoken with him more about the insecurities, he might have been able to assuage those fears or address but mouse didn't show them. Privately when he wasn't at home, she would cry, kick and get angry but the moment he walked through the door, she was so happy to see him all the angst was forgotten for the moment. Because he came home to her.
Well, until the next time. Then it repeated.
Doing the research helped more than mouse could express. Even the few scientific studies she could find on it, news articles, whatever on open relationships -- helped her to see that she was making it so much harder than it had to be. Daddy didn't love mouse any less or the others any more. We all different.
DV remarked in a comment in the last post, "Second, doing this is not about you not being enough, it's just being with someone different. You can do the same thing with two different people and it will be different. It's not about comparing, or looking for something that is missing."
This is what Daddy's said a hundred times to mouse. This was what she needed to get -- that it wasn't about her flaws or her own inadequacies that drove him into the arms of another woman. It was just something different.
Omega has always been poly. He's always had many women in his life and often even in his bed. He cared about them all. He has through the years remained in contact with many of them. He won't accept any criticism from them where mouse is concerned. They saw it far differently. They saw mouse as being messed up and not allowing him to be himself. They probably wondered why he stayed with mouse at all. One of them, "Cat" left a comment as well. The irony of her referring to herself as "cat" wasn't lost on mouse. But her point was well taken and appreciated.
We have grown more together than before. Yes, some might say that mouse has submitted to him deeper. That could be true, or it also could be that mouse loves him and he loves her. Maybe submission isn't the right word or term at all. Maybe it's just about acceptance. Accepting and appreciating all the parts of Omega.
Also she didn't mean to give the impression that he hid the relationship from mouse and just did what he wanted, when he wanted. Hid was a very poor choice of words. The truth was he tried to discuss it like adults should, mouse didn't want to hear about it and just said she didn't care -- don't want to know and don't give mouse a disease. He found the disease comment rather appalling that mouse would think so little of him. In the end, he did follow her wishes. He wasn't thrilled but he also knows mouse waaaay better too. He believed with all his heart that she would calm as her trust that sky wouldn't fall increased, and hoped one day she would accept it. Daddy is quite happy now that mouse does and was overall pleased with Friday's post -- probably becsuse he's used to reading between the mouse lines
One of the reasons mouse didn't write about this was because on many levels it did confuse her a bunch. How he could be so sexy and loving with mouse and need to be with someone else? As DV pointed out, it's not about that. It's just different. The shading she would have given this, had she written about it, would not have favored or did Omega any justice. In fact, looking back of some of her words in her very private diary she made him sound like an uncaring cad. He's never been that, but mouse's own anger shaded him that way.
Still the shift in her thinking, the challenge to her ideals and notions of right and wrong spurred the post Friday. The need to explain the changes that have occurred. In that mouse didn't really achieve what she set out to do. The idea that we can have deep changes of heart and not have it be the end of the world. As mouse read through the comments fit to be published she realized that she had at least somewhat failed. For that she is deeply sorry. Also, since we are going away for a while mouse felt it wrong to end it with just that post.
Thanks as always for reading!