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Monday, September 7, 2015

Aching for a Breaking

Just days after retuning to blogging about mouse's thoughts, and feeling caught up from summer, mouse began to feel this sense of the walls closing around her. The demerits under Daddy's new system were actually light and Daddy chose to give mouse a stern talk about the infractions and had her stand in the corner. Maintenance had been put off for a few days because of general scheduling conflicts. It's not too unusual for that to happen.

But as the week progressed mouse felt increasingly unsettled, so it probably should be mentioned that most of the demerits were acquired during that those few days. By Friday, mouse was feeling increasingly edgy and dare she admit, bitchy? Everything and everyone was bothering her. Innocent comments were taken as indictments and mouse became increasingly vocal.

Now, we all go through grumpy moments when Daddy gets that way he becomes quite quiet, voicing his grumpiness, with words, although never many. But he will express himself. When mouse gets grumpy she will get loud and has issues finding the words so she resorts to profanity. Lots of "fuck this shit."

Daddy after giving mouse a warning "look" that mouse blew off, stood and took mouse by the elbow into the other room. Then he told mouse to stop. If she couldn't say something nice to keep her mouth shut. It was an odd moment as she could clearly hear the words coming out of her mouth and unable to stop them. Instead she just kept going on with it. Mad for the sake of being angry, which in retrospect was completely wrong.

At this point, Daddy stood and again pulled mouse from the room and strongly suggested that mouse go upstairs. Stomping up the stairs like a teenager and muttering to herself, she could hear him making excuses for mouse's exit. "she needs a rest."

That pissed her off more, and she sat down, paced and just got more angry.

Much later Daddy made his way up the stairs. He lectured about how this behavior was completely unacceptable. What was wrong with her? He legitimately wished to know what the problem was. To mouse the problem was everyone else. Daddy looked at mouse as she ranted and smiled, which mouse took as condenscending, and her anger bubbled out toward him.

Now, this has happened before and long time readers probably know what happened next. Daddy pulled mouse over his knee, against her protests, and spanked her soundly. Yet, mouse obstinately refused to cry, but he continued, until the first tears fell, then paused. Those tears were the frustration tears. When he resumed he could tell she wasn't there yet.

Then just as quickly the real tears began to fall. The tears she needed. Sometimes you just need a good cry to clear out the cobwebs. After mouse was drained emotionally, so remorseful, she fixed her makeup, smoothed her skirt and apologized. It feels terrible, thankfully it doesn't happen very often now, and although she would have to check the blog to be sure, it was the first huge meltdown for mouse for the year. Still that's no real excuse. After a good night's rest for mouse she woke feeling so much better.

In the morning, mouse woke set out some food for breakfast and Daddy commented that her mood was much better. Later in the morning he did perform maintenance and again later in the evening. It left mouse feeling so much better. (small mouse rant ahead) We spent the rest of the weekend getting together the last of the school supplies. That process is really endless.


  1. Oh mouse, what you described, is me! that's how I get, and the worse thing is, or rather I find it is for me, is that deep down I know my behaviour is unreasonable and un-necessary but it's like once im in that place I can't seem to get myself out of it...if that makes any sense at all lol

    Also, I can't always seem to predict what sends me off like it, it could be something very trivial!


  2. I'm sorry you were feeling this way Mouse. Mad for the sake of being angry, I can relate. Glad Omega stepped in and you are feeling much better :)


  3. All that emotion in the post and I fixate on the last line. The process is endless.


    I'm glad you are feeling more balanced, mouse.

  4. I've had so many moments this last year where I knew I should stop my mouth before it ran off with a long list of expletives. with no one to stop me but myself these last few years you can imagine mouse how often it's happened. 😕
    don't be so hard on yourself sweetie.


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