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Monday, November 30, 2015

Commenting on a Comment

Early Saturday morning, Daddy said there was a new comment on our blog that she might want to see and address.

The anonymous person wrote: "I'm in training right now and I was wondering if your Master ever does anything that makes you feel like your being emotionally abused. Do you have an emotional safe word?"

It's an awkward question for mouse, no Daddy has never made mouse feel like she's being emotionally abused, nor does she have an emotional safe word. In fact through the years he's done much to help mouse move beyond and heal the emotional wounds of the past.

It's troubling to mouse because of some of the chosen terms used, "in training" and "Emotional abuse" both are incredibly broad terms that require context. Also, if one looks up emotional abuse online, the examples used often don't apply to bdsm styled dynamics, because of barriers placed by society, it's hard to say what's abuse. For example, often there are issues that people reading The Expectstions that have given readers pause or caused issues with those of a more liberal mindset. Especially those surrounding what she might or might not discuss at public events. Yes Daddy prefers that she not engage political talk. However if you knew mouse personally you might understand why he prefers it. The Expectations he has for mouse aren't just for her blog life but for what he expects from her all the time. Do they hamper her? Sometimes yes, but often not, because she accepts them, just as she accepts Daddy as her Master. Yes, she does refer to him as Daddy on these pages, but really it's because he has nurtured her in a way that makes her feel quite comfortable. He doesn't spoil or indulge mouse, nor does he easily forgive when she does break a expectation. No, she's held accountable for her errors. In that way he's Master. In other ways he might be more Daddy-like.

It can come down to "feels" which honestly mouse doesn't like to do. But if you anonymous, feel your Master is emotionally abusuve then it's possible he is. But mouse cannot presume from a few words left on a journal if this is the case.

Now there are things in the bdsm world that involve humiliation, sometimes Daddy will use mouse like a peice of furniture or go further in objectifying her than she would like, but it's always followed up with him showing that he does care. Usually it's not demonstrative, but perhaps more subtle. Like when he knows she's been busy working on something, he will make certain she eats or takes a break. He knows that life can be demanding on his slave at times. There's a nice balance to that thing we do that for us works.

Having said that this lifestyle is rarely a one size fits most thing, what sounds disturbing to some might seem like heaven on earth to another. Just like what might feel like routine to some, might be thrilling to others or even too much to some.

Bottom line is this lifestyle dynamic should lift you up and not make you feel down most of the time.


Julia said...

I agree, I mean, we don't do it as heavily as others, and still, having found ttwd, its been about healing, and feeling of emotional abuse is just the opposite.

Dauntless Vitality said...

Very well said! I agree completely with your assessment and thorough answer to this comment. Great advise and points.


Anonymous said...

I know it's not your problem, but I feel really lost and alone sometimes. I kind of rely on your blog. Can you please write more

Karmen Schilawski said...

i hesitate at the emotional abuse term but i've thought a lot about this topic and how it relates to my relationship. there was a time when we'd discussed how one is such a happy slave that even if they disagree or don't want to do something, Master would never know. that ended up, for me, equating to keeping sad, frustrated feelings to myself and we've had some very heavy conversations about that of late. so, all that being said, when i have a burning need to emote and it's an immediate need, all i have to do is say or text one word, and He will stop whatever He is doing to acknowledge the need and to assess quickly if He cannot listen immediately and to let me know when He'll give me His full attention for as long as i need. so while i wouldn't call it an emotional safeword, it's kind of like that. it's not that He emotionally abuses me because He doesn't, but it feels good to have that, it's been used once, and i thought about using it again but He recognized the issue beforehand. one of the many reason i love Him. He always takes the time when the time is needed, whatever that need may be (on His timeline of course). that's important for everyone.

Her Little Man said...

I've been thinking a lot about your comment. Perhaps it's just my relationship, but Mistress and I diverge on a number of topics. That is what keeps us interesting and stimulating to each other. I am Hers, and I love it, but I admit I become nervous when you guiltily confess you have different views on a topic (politics being the example here). Everyone has epistemic agency and needs an outlet. I'm sure you are happy and clearly love your Dom, and as long as you're happy then I guess you can't ask for more. But, as submissive as I am to Her and to Her rule, who is very similar to yours in loving behaviour,I still think you should be able to have your own thoughts and have a place to voice them. As long as you have what you need, all is well.