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Monday, March 20, 2017

One Man Gathers what Another Man Spills





The same friend who posited the question mouse answered on Friday asked another couple questions of mouse, as they wondered after reading several swaths of the blog, the first, what exactly did "Alpha" do that was abusive? Now, in the past mouse might consider writing out all the terrible and horrible things he did do to mouse, but really, that might not be appropriate.  One Master or slave, might read such things and think there was nothing wrong with it -- at all.  Sure there might be moments that they'd say, "Well I wouldn't do that." but overall, they might not see anything wrong with the sum total of it all.

It was more about how it made mouse feel.  That's how she knows the relationship was abusive.  Sure, early on things were fine, and mouse was thriving, but later things changed.  Each day was like living in a permanent earthquake, with no positive reinforcement.  No choice was correct and what was wrong yesterday, might ok the next day and vice-versa.  All roads led to punishment and there was no way mouse ever found to avoid it.  He didn't tell her what she did wrong, but left her to guess was it punishment or merely play?  Was he angry or pretending to be angered?  There were times that he did show true anger, which was immediate. Often he'd punish again for what mouse can only assume was the same thing later.  Remorse was meaningless to him.  When you don't know what you did wrong, it's impossible to correct your actions.  Further impossible to predict what might be wrong next time.  To some, it might have been a slave's dream to be treated that way or a Master's dream to be that cold and objectify his property to that extreme.

To contrast this with Omega, who actually and terrifyingly enough shares some of the views of slavery as Alpha did, yet handles things much differently.  He makes his wishes very clear, and while he has lofty expectations mouse is well aware when she's failed.  Sure there are times that he will be harsh with mouse, but it's not punishment, but to remind her that she's for His pleasure and not the other way around.  There's a healthiness to our dynamic that was missing from the last years with "Alpha".  It's also probably worth mentioning that from the onset Omega was different and always has been.  While they shared similar views or ideas of slavery, they both employed different methods for accomplishing their goal.  Or it's also possible that "Alpha" had no such end goal in mind -- of that mouse cannot ever be sure.

There's no objective answer that this or that was abusive, but it was about the overall feeling that mouse had during those last years.

The second question was about how she's feeling now in regard to the recent shifts in her relationship with her Master.  All mouse can say is that it's been good thus far.  It's really only been a weekend but also a lifetime, so far Master hasn't triggered any emotions in mouse related to the past.  He does things slightly differently, in that mouse must not speak excessively and really she's better at listening because of this.  This relates to how she interacts with everyone in our life, the more active listening and less judgement.  As she suggested a weekend isn't long enough to know for sure, but so far it's been great.


1 comment:

  1. Hi Mouse, this was interesting to read, thank you for sharing. I agree, what matters is how the way you were treated made you feel.

    Glad to hear the recent changes are working well for you.

    Hugs
    Roz

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