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Friday, April 7, 2017

Why Slavery?

After we returned, exhausted from our time away, a comment left by Ava was published by Master. He also was a teeny bit curious as to how mouse would reply. This week was a busy one with Passover preparations and shabbat tonight, so this is a rare scheduled ahead post that mouse has worked on throughout the week in what can only be described as stolen moments.  

The first thing mouse would like to say is thank you for writing such thoughtful questions, although mouse would never think herself a "spiritual" person in the sense that she holds no belief in any deity, except maybe for Master and certainly, to her, He's at least more worthy of worship than any invisible being. That might be the spiritual component you mentioned in the comment. Not really sure if slavery chose mouse because she's never sure if she really chose to be a slave. Alpha saw the deep submissiveness and eagerness to please and it all began from there. One thing she does know that without guidance mouse was terrible at directing her own life. Either she wouldn't act on something when she should or just as often made the mistake of jumping in without a lot of thought.  In fact, mouse wrote about this in 2013.

In that post so long ago mouse described the first time we visited Master's accountant to have our taxes done after we married, "Finances were never something mouse spent time organizing...Our first meeting at tax time with his accountant (mouse prepared her taxes herself using a program and she'll admit guesswork), was horrifying. He came with files. Organized and expenses drawn out neatly and mouse showed up (do we need to mention late) with a shoe box of receipts (and other tax papers), just tossed in without explanation, although mouse felt most were self-explanatory." 

Looking back on that today, mouse seems to recall he had a spreadsheet with his monthly deductions and expenses all neatly organized. He was horrified when they came to mouse's "turn" and she had all her paperwork in a shoe box, she nearly left in the car! In retrospect, mouse was embarrassed by it too. If she were smart enough to buy a house, she should have been smart enough to at the very least get a pink file folder to put her tax things in and organize them just a little bit. To contrast now, all tax related documents Master tracks and keeps organized. All mail, except for obvious junk (catalogs, penny savers) is left on his desk, and he alone goes through it. If mouse does give money to any charity (sometimes children come to the door collecting for this or that), regardless of how little, she leaves him a note on his desk. With the exception of reporting him, mouse has been excused from the tax loop. There are other examples of wasteful or just poor planning on mouse's part, but she's sure you might get the idea.

Can't really say if mouse were selfish or selfless as a person, probably like most people a mixture of both, but mouse did prefer, after the first Master/slave dynamic ended, to keep her control to herself. That's probably why despite what she said was the biggest reason for not going to Omega after Alpha's death, as was likely the intended outcome. Instead mouse went her own way and in many ways doesn't regret that because she's not sure she was ready for Omega. Yet, in the early years with Alpha and certainly more so with Omega, mouse has found a joy in service that she finds difficult putting into any words that make sense. There is a great feeling of joy she gets from pleasing her Master and feeling His control.

Maybe if BDSM were a highway, slavery might be the final stop? Still, it isn't for everyone and most are probably more comfortable from one other stops along the way. This doesn't make Master or mouse better than anyone else. Happiness is personal to the individual. On a personal level it's highly doubtful that either of us could be happy in a strictly D/s or other similar dynamics. It is not so much about abandoning your "life" but giving up your "self" and your "ego" to another. It also is not that mouse is "less than" but celebrates how she is different from Him. Master views mouse as valued possession who exists for His pleasure (not only sexual). There is a huge amount of freedom in this. Freedom from worry, because it's not for her to decide what to worry about, freedom from decisions from everything to what to wear, to if anything horrible should befall Master and what mouse would do then. He's laid it all out in advance and has given mouse a clear path to follow. 


julie said...

You are so right mouse, slavery is a not about giving up yourself, it is about giving that self to another. Serving another is not an easy thing to do.

Master keeps records of everything. He records his mileage vs spend and analyses every tank of petrol. He keeps every receipt for everything he spends and marks it off against his bank / credit card statements. He writes reports of the concerts and shows we go to. I am not like that, my approach is more like Mouse's.

Later this year we will be living together. My house sold and me living in his place. Things will change. I am his his slave and yes mouse I know what difference that will mean to me. Or do I?

I am not giving up myself, my ego, but at last I can be the person I need to be.

At last. 'I' can just be this girl. His slave.

abby said...

I really love that last true! hugs abby

Ava Penniman said...

Thank you, mouse, for answering. Like you say, things difficult to put into words. You have chosen to give yourself to Master, you trust him, and you derive joy and peace from doing so.

Happy Passover to you and your family!


Roz said...

Hi Mouse, I enjoyed reading your perspective. I totally agree with you on the freedom.


Anonymous said...

I struggle with this. Daily. But reading your blog (amongst others)keeps giving me hope that I can figure it out.....or get really close!