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Monday, May 21, 2018

Never Ending or Beginning

Round 
Like a circle in a spiral 
Like a wheel within a wheel 
Never ending or beginning 
On an ever-spinning reel...

It is probably worth mentioning that mouse hasn't been reading any good books lately but most evenings when there is time and things are quiet mouse will read through the previous pages of this journal. Cherry picking often and while there are a few masturbatory worthy posts, there are even more that mouse finds cringe-worthy today. After closing her laptop once with a loud exasperated slam, mouse considered adding some new "labels" or "tags" to her posts to include, "Haughty" or "Arrogant" and just "Plain Wrong". 

Re-reading this journal at times is like mouse meeting an old friend who knows where all the bodies are buried and regales others with 'remember that time' stories -- which you just know never end well, and often leave you scratching your head thinking, really? Did that happen, or did I do that? For a moment you might even think they're mistaken and confused you with another person. Then sometimes a tidbit is added where you finally recall. 

Memory is complicated, we often choose to forget things that are embarrassing to us. Times we misspoke or became intoxicated and did something off the wall in hilarity. It is often the purpose of friends to remind us of wild child we used to be. It's not also without irony that our children and even spouses enjoy hearing those tales. "You did that?" you might say with some level of astonishment because its completely different to the man or woman you know today or that raised you. 

At some point during her re-reading expedition mouse closed the laptop in embarrassment and vowed to never delve into the past again. Sure, she could see by reading how far she's come; how much she's grown in her slavery to Master. That growth that she's so proud of didn't begin to snowball until around 2015! Master said he wants her to continue to explore the past, contemplate where she went wrong and what she might do differently now. He also reminded mouse that many people don't keep journals and probably most of the ones that do, don't really read them ever again.

It's like a time machine, filled with personal thoughts. Master then added that he still journals almost every day and showed her his current book. His neat handwriting that looks almost typed is annoyingly precise. Obviously the notion that women are supposed to have better penmanship is myth, while mouse's has improved with daily writing, it'll never be that precise. When mouse asked if he ever read them years later and he admitted that he had. He never thought of his previous thoughts to be appalling, but that rather an evolution that only does come with age.

He gave a hard pinch and twist to a nipple through her blouse when she gave him a sideways glance. Then he took back the journal. A mild but effective correction. Lately mouse feels woefully inadequate but is making great efforts to alter those thoughts into action that Master would be proud and happy with. The result has been a more mindful and obedient mouse. Exploring the past with a critical eye, maybe is helpful to her.

An odd parting thought, the image mouse chose, while beautiful perplexes her and in an odd way mirrors her own discomfort. The female, is laying on what seems to be a very comfortable bed. with a pillow under her head but her arms are awkwardly bound in a way that must be at least a little uncomfortable, yet seems happy to be used in this way. It's that paradox between comfort and discomfort that intrigues mouse at the moment in her own slavery to Master and her ever evolving purpose.


7 comments:

Eric51Amy49 said...

Hi Mouse, Do you and Omega ever read other bloggers? Amy

mouse said...

Hi Amy,
On occasion when time allows, mouse will read some. Master is generally too busy but if the post is super interesting mouse will let him know about it.
Hugs,
mouse

Roz said...

Hi Mouse,

I too have read back through my blog on occasion and have had similar thoughts. I love that you both journal and think it's good to be able to look back and see how far we have come, and also learn from the past.

Hugs
Roz

julie said...

Master constantly looks back, reads and re-reads my blog posts from the past. He is always interested to look at how I have moved forward, or not and how I have changed and developed as a slave. Like you, I look back and frown at my previous self.

Having said that, our journeys are never ending and while we don't and would never wish to return to the beginning it is useful to understand how much we have changed. I don't think you should ever be ashamed of the things you wrote, even if you would do and say things differently now. xx

mouse said...

Thanks Roz!!!

mouse said...

Hi Julie,

It's true, and also a little embarrassing. Thanks for understanding and reading.

mouse

Anonymous said...

The woman in the photo is in child’s pose! It’s a yoga pose that’s actually very comfortable, soothing, and meant to be a resting pose that can be held for extended periods of time. It gives a gentle stretch and can reduce stress and fatigue.