There is a Fountain

Good morning friends.  Spring is making an early appearance, which is sort of unsettling almost.  it's too early for blossoms.  It's still February and mouse is already dosing herself on Benadryl to keep the sneezing at bay at nighttime.  It works and because she takes it at night it doesn't matter that it makes her sleepy.  The daffodils have mouse a bit worried. You'd think they'd start popping through the ground by now, but they're not.  Our lone tulip is.  Really must remember to plant new bulbs in the fall.  A neighbor has it so they pop up all year long.  One dies off and another is already growing to take its place.  

Recently mouse wrote in a post that she felt she was failing in those "submissive" feelings.  It wasn't a bad thing that was going on, as has in the past.  It was just apathetic feeling to her.  Everything felt the same. Sure, there were moments when she felt very connected to her submission but for the most part it felt...not dull, not boring...It's hard to come up with a word that encapsulates it.  

Now maybe it should be said, or maybe it doesn't saying, but mouse felt and feels very connected to Daddy and our family. Nor was what mouse felt like the winter blahs or depression.  There was no sadness with these feelings (really mouse needs to think of a better word than 'feelings').  Even as they began to diminish, mouse has a hard time putting them into words.  

Sometimes it just seems like we're all just bags of atoms floating around without a direction.  Lately that has changed for mouse. The path she's on, is the same path that led her to Daddy.  Of course, he's ahead somewhere, he's always moving forward and waiting for mouse to catch up.  He never moves too far ahead and he'll wait as long as needed.  

Maybe it's been the reading of her 'Expectations' that has helped mouse so much to feel more connected to her submission. Rediscovering the pleasure of her service and joy in her heart.  This morning as she dressed the breakfast table mouse realized she felt happy to do this.  Of course, she's also half asleep, but the pleasure was there.  That's what's been missing from her.  It has been a while since mouse felt that need to crawl inside Daddy, to just need to be that close to him.  To sleep with him inside her mouth or close to it, so she can smell him and taste him.  He doesn't sleep very well when mouse does that, but after a long scene, he really doesn't sleep much anyway.  

Monday night (technically Tuesday morning), mouse woke around three or so, too early to get up and begin the day, but Daddy was on his back with blankets kicked off.  It wasn't too cool in our room and mouse always says he's like a furnace anyway.  For a long time mouse just stared at his sleeping form.  The room was just lit enough that she could see him.  So she scooted down and kissed the tip and the next thing she was lightly and rather carefully pleasuring him orally as he slept.  Now, she didn't go all the way with it, honestly she was afraid she'd wake him up, but just held it in her mouth for a while, swirling with her tongue and smelling him. He grew hard (but not completely so) and can she just say she loves that feeling?  Then she just moved away from him back to her side of the bed, bundled up the blankets that she could manage and drifted off to sleep.  

When the alarm went off a few hours later mouse woke, and looked over to Daddy, still asleep, again on his back but the covers were over him.  After tossing a couple towels into the dryer to warm, mouse returned to our bedroom and began to wake Daddy.  Sucking him and he groaned (not really a bad groan), but he pulled mouse off him and fucked her instead.  In the shower he said he had really dirty dream.  For a moment mouse contemplated not telling him, but she did, because all those feelings that have been so elusive had returned.  It's a been a long time since she'd done that.  In her mind she could hear very clearly that rattle of chains and it's so comforting.