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Monday, May 11, 2009

Eyes Wide Shut

I like that term. Eyes Wide Shut. Didn't like the movie but like the term. Omega and I met for lunch today and it was nice, we talked about difficult things, and talked about my meeting with the therapist, which was also difficult. He was wondering how it went. The therapist is as expected, skeptical about our sudden relationship, and she wouldn't be worth money I pay if she wasn't a little worried about him moving into my life so quickly. It concerns us too. We are wondering if we are jumping first and then checking to make sure the water is deep enough.

It's not just us involved. It's everyone in our life. Are we moving too fast? We are old enough to know better, and to know that maybe it's not a great idea to move in together so quickly. And yet...

This morning when I got to work after the therapy session that had me mentally tied up in knots, there was a large bouquet of red roses on my desk. The card from Omega saying he was thinking about me and loved me. I smiled looking at them, it was what I needed to hear at that moment. I picked up the phone and called him, but he was busy, so I left a message thanking him for the roses and told him I loved him too. I do love him.

I was kinda grateful having cleared most of my morning schedule, it gave me time to ponder the therapist, and Omega. I did get a little work accomplished before lunch. Omega came by, causing a bit of tittering by my coworkers but he's great at ignoring that and just collected me, and off we went. A sandwich and fruit was the meal. I felt more like a burger and fries. Omega was quick to point out that I always crave junk food when I'm stressed out.

Do I? What's more, he noticed that?

Not surprising he notices everything about everyone. It's the Virgo in him, I suppose, if you believe in astrology. He did surprise me by saying that his therapist wants to talk with me. Sexual addiction is more like a gambling addiction, and therefore easier to hide than alcoholic, or drug addiction. His therapist decided it was a good time to talk with me about it. I would be remiss if I didn't admit that scared me a little. Were we moving too fast? Or how many red flags can whoosh past my head before I start to take notice?

He can also read my mind, did I mention that? As if on cue he commented that perhaps things were moving too fast and if I wanted to slow things down he would understand. He was also being completely sincere in saying it. It made me shiver.

I surprised myself by not answering right away. Soon he was driving back to work, and I was listening mindlessly to the radio. The Hall and Oats song Sara Smile was playing, and I found myself pouring over the words "if you want to be free, all you have to do is say so." When the song was over I asked him what time he'd home for dinner. He took hold of my hand and kissed it softly. He said he had SA meeting tonight, but would be home around 7.

Yes, I based everything on a song. As I'm writing this, I'm thinking this sounds so dumb! What if the song had been All Along The Watchtower? I don't even believe in fate. Yet, here I am basing this huge decision on a song on the radio. And what's really strange; I'm content with this.

6 comments:

  1. allow me to be a yeahsayer instead of a naysayer. I figure you will have plenty of those. Quick decisions are not wrong because they are fast any more the long thought out ones are always right.

    If you trust no one else trust yourself. Be safe and don't be stupid as you well know life happens either way.

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  2. Sir J,
    I really like the way you think! I just finished posting about last night.
    r

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  3. Dear Renea,

    Hello, I just stumbled upon your world and am filled with emotions. I feel your heart in your words and that is a gift. When I read about Omega's SA I could not help but wonder.

    Is Omega Beta Master?

    denise

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  4. Well Renea I just finished reading your journal and Duh! *hits palm to forehead* Omega is Beta Master.

    What can I say; sometimes I can be quite slow ~_^

    I will be back. I want to see your relationship and trust deepen.

    denise

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  5. denise,

    Thank you so much for your kind words regarding my blog. I hope you continue to read and enjoy it.

    Yes, Omega is formally Beta Master. He never really liked the distinction of being Beta and was happy I didn't refer to him as Gamma, which technically follows Beta in the Greek alphabet and leaves too many letters to follow. He is happy that I skipped to the end. I actually refer to him as Omega now all the time, even in public. It's like a pet name with a much deeper meaning.

    thank you again,
    renea

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  6. Denise...LOL I just read your new comment.

    Thanks again!
    renea

    ReplyDelete

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