I have possibly irrevocably messed up the greatest relationship in my life. I have really fucked it up. I have a tendency to self-destruct my relationships. I confessed to renea that not only have I lied to her about my personal knowledge of her abuse, but I was somewhat an accomplice to it. This act is truly unforgivable. I did not mean to hurt her by telling her this truth. I felt continuing the lie was worse, however it was only worse for me. I did not think about how this would affect her, how badly it would hurt her. The anguish in her eyes relayed the volumes that she would not speak.