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Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Maybe the recent past couple weekends of hard play and major change of attitude had a lot to do with the final merging of mouse and the slave inside.  The body aches as sitting is most uncomfortable, muscles feel stretched to the limit, and still seem to have a bad case of spaghetti arms and legs.  Every movement, it seems, must be considered.  The brain is quiet and much more focused on Omega but not just him.  Everything has changed it seems over the past several months.  First with acknowledgment that the slave inside existed (something that's been brewing for weeks now, even tho just described recently in words), and now with Omega seizing more control, as the slave and mouse merged into one being.  

Yet maybe because of all this, mouse is feeling very domestic.

Been considering the duties everyone has from day to day.   Master likes a clean house and there are struggles to keep it clean the way he likes.  Now, Master isn't delusional to think every room should be spotless at all times, but the rooms which guests or visitors might see should be tidy at all times.  He is always saying you never know who might drop by.  No one needs to see our clutter.  Clutter is a good word for it.  

Master's primary job is his work so he delegates the remaining duties out, and refuses to pay for a house keeper to do what should be done by others.  Saturday with the house empty, the house was cleaned from top to bottom.  It's a pity to say that 3 large bags were filled with clutter, but that was the case.  Embarrassing that things went that far but when it was cleaned up I felt the most pleasing sense of calm.  

The fact he never commented on it, spoke volumes in that wordless way he has.  It said, or perhaps even shouted this is how it should be all the time.  He was right not to comment, even tho I expected at least some words of praise from him, but with the evening still ahead, and hours of painful play and use to look forward to, those thoughts were not dwelled on.

As always, later those very thoughts now creep into mind.  Omega has been slowly over the course of time we've been together changing my thought process.  This took up speed after his stint in rehab and our issues with A.  He renewed his focus as not only the head of house, but also as Master of his slave.  Recently, Master started shifting focus away from other things and onto him.  Not in a neglectful way that causes the slave to be derelict in daily duties, but actually more focused on those daily routines.  Even the ones I can't stand.  Words are spoken as the slave goes about her chores, carefully following the chore list Master provided.  Eventually it is his fervent hope that the list will not be required.  Shifting the focus onto him has changed the way I think now, because I'm far less cluttered with personal thoughts about, well "me."  

It's not to say that "I'm" not important anymore or nonexistent, after all I am still a slave, and not a doormat.  But the shift in my thinking has made me open, thoughtful and less sarcastic.  

Freeing is another word to describe it and with my Master the slave feels empowered by him.  

Now nearly all the time, when the house is quiet, and A is in bed, I do not speak unless I need to ask a question, or he wishes me to speak.  Finding now free time, or rather down time, is spent looking up recipes for meals during the week.  There was a time when the market was visited daily, but now it's only once per week and only needed things are purchased, based on meals planned for the week.  

These changes seemed needed with all the chaos going on, and issues with A Omega took control and shifted the focus away from the struggles, breaking it down in easier pieces, which evidently made more of an impact.  It changed my whole perspective.  Changed how the thoughts were processed and made everything so much easier to digest.

Even tho it's not Thursday, it needs to be said Thank you Master for helping mouse realize I was too focused on me.  The focus now is where it should be, on you, family, and work.  While I"m still important mouse can appreciate more that she is just part of this much larger picture.


Gray said...

I love this post. Sometimes it is so hard to see past ourselves even where our family is concerned.

mouse said...

Thanks so much for saying that Gray...because you're so right. It's totally hard sometimes.


greengirl said...

Gray says it very nicely - it is hard to want to, hard to see how to, and hard to consistantly do what must be done to put family before oneself.

rose said...

i'm so glad you've found a comfortable place. i don't know where i'd be without my daily routine!

all the best, rose.

mouse said...


you're so right!


mouse said...


I'm really enjoying the daily routine at least this time around.


spirited one said...

If it makes you feel better, I'm still in the process of decluttering and we've gotten rid of a hell of a lot more than 3 large bags of junk so far. LOL... and we still have more to go. Me... the neat freak... the biggest supporter in the opposition of all things clutter... let the house get into a state of utter chaos. *sigh*

And I know what you mean about having your Master first in your own mind. It really needs to be that way for us. Doesn't mean we don't look after our own needs and desires because we do. But when doing things in the home we have to understand that it is our Masters that we are doing it for. Makes it much easier to get things done too.



mouse said...

spirited one,

Yes it does make me feel better. And you're totally right in that in shifting the focus away from me and onto him, it's made me see things so much clearer, at least for the most part.