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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

TTWD: thinking about subspace

There was a time not too long ago that subspace was terrifying.  Not anymore, O through building  a whole lot of trust has made it a wonderful experience.  The other day ally of ally steps forward, asked a wonderful question, "What is it like for you to come out of subspace and not remember things?"  Well, I do remember bits and pieces, more like snapshots in my mind.  O towering over me holding the leather strap in his hand.  Another maybe of me looking or tugging at restraints.  I feel pain of what he's doing but it's not like the pain is localized to any place I can discern.  It's more like a dull sensation of pain that's hard to define.  When I wrote that day about feeling debased, he had me worked up into such a frenzy that I would have done anything he asked...and by anything I really do mean anything (at least sexually).  I had thoroughly given up anything I was and he was completely and totally in control.  I was reduced.  

Now having explained that I can honestly say that it's a weird when I first come out, but normally I'm so tired that I can't really focus on it, or even what he's saying to me.  I hear the words but he could be saying anything at that moment and they're quickly forgotten...It's kinda like being drunk or drugged.  I remembering visiting a friend in the hospital before she had  her baby and they had given her morphine.  She looked at me and said, I still feel pain but I don't care.  I'm pretty sure hours later she wouldn't be able to remember that she even talked to me because of everything going on.  In that way it's similar.  

So, ya it can be weird to not really remember anything specific, or disjointed thoughts, but it's also ok, because I do trust Omega.  I know he'll take things in way that won't cause me real harm.  I will say this about subspace, it does become an addiction, and I feel myself getting greedy for it.  I love that floaty feeling I get.  The release of all the tension and just feeling the world melt away for a time.  To me there is nothing like it.  For me it also helps to keep me balanced and focused easier on service. 


  1. You touched on the exact effect that is's like a drug or alcohol. Yet, it is caused by the cheicals in your own brain and not an outside influence. I can't thinki of the exact chemicals involved, but it has to do with the endorphins released by your brain that excite you. However, it seems to be such an overload of endorphins that it takes to a place so high that is causes something similar to a blackout. That release of endorphins is very intoxicating and addicting. That is why you crave to get back to that place and feeling. This is just my opinion of course, and I'm sure there is probably more involved than this, but the chemical release inside your own brain has a lot to do with it.


  2. DV Sir...

    And for me it is exactly that. It sometimes I think even make me misbehave. Tho, I gotta say O has no part in that and makes me say what I really mean.


  3. No problem wasn't an easy answer....which is why it kinda turned into a blog post of its own.


  4. Mouse,
    I kinda struggle with this one - or - i did. Now I try not to think about it too much. I have never experienced this feeling, and for some reason writing that feels like admitting I'm a virgin or something. Lots of people talk (write) about subspace. It almost has an aura of something that, if you don't experience, implies you are not submissive (enough) or are doing something wrong. I'm sure that focusing on "why can't I move into subspace" isn't really where my head should be when I'm engaged in whatever with my husband. Probably wouldn't help me get there if it were going to happen anyhow. So, I have a hard time making my mind obey me, but I try to focus on him and what he wants.

    All that having been said, I appreciate your description and explanation; it does sound like a lovely trip.

  5. gg,

    I know you addressed this comment to mouse but if I may indulge myself, many women (submissive) have never experienced subspace. Focusing on your husband, his needs, his wishes (whatever they may be), and giving him deference are the traits of submission. Subspace is not a trait of submission, but rather a not-so-common side effect of harsh use.

    Be well,

  6. Thank you Mouse and Omega. I'm with Greengirl in that I have never experienced subspace but have been curious about it. I have also, unfortunately, allowed that fact to cause me to question my submissiveness. It is reassuring to hear from such a strong Dom that subspace is not a trait of a submissive.



  7. The physiological and psychological aspects of subspace intrigue me. Do you know if there has been any scientific research made on this or other corresponding states of mind and body in BDSM? Do you know where I could read more about this?

    Dauntless Vitality's explanation with the body's own chemicals, like endorphins, sounds logical to me. Not being able to relate to the love of pain on a personal level, this endogenous high of the body is what makes sense to me about craving pain or maybe rather the combination of pleasure and pain. What I'm wondering here is - since I suppose that everyone has more or less the same biological function of releasing endorphins (and maybe adrenalin and/or oxytocin?) after certain stimuli - could anybody get this high in those situations (of use)? Or does it take a certin psychological mindset, like being submissive, masochistic or something along those lines, in order to get to the high under those circumstances? Could a truly vanilla person or even a dom(me)/top experience it (provided they subjected themselves to it willingly)?

    I am also very curious about what happens inside the top in this situation. Is there a corresponding eh ... topspace? I guess that with the need for the top to stay in control, that would be a somewhat more conscious state of mind.

    (If someone wants to answer med and thinks it would be preferable to do so by e-mail, you are welcome to do so.)

  8. It took me a while to get a handle on the whole subspace thing, and though I'll never experience it myself, thank you very much, I came to realize how important it is for a top or dom to know as much about it as possible.

  9. I agree about it not really being a submissive thing. I mean I think I spent a good portion of my labor in subspace. I just remember reaching a point where I couldn't take the pain anymore and I was so tired, I just disappeared. Next thing I knew 7 hours had passed (felt like 10 minutes to me) and I was being told I needed an emergency c-section.

    Subspace is kind of addicting, but I've noticed if you avoid it for a while... it's sorta like going through withdrawal. Only not as bad. You have a few days where you're super grumpy and super needy (for pain more than anything else). And then it's back to normal. Not that you ever stop craving it, but it's not a strong need anymore.

    I wouldn't mind a trip in subspace again soon, though. :-D



  10. Lennoxx,

    I did chuckle at the use of the term "Topspace," and would be remiss if I did not admit to having a certain rush of power (for lack of a better word) over inflicting pain in mouse.

    The history masochism is very long, many religions believe and or practiced in self-flogging to bring them closer to their God. Recently, the newspapers here are full of stories of teenagers engaging in a form of what we call breath-play, which they call 'the choking game.' While auto-erotic asphyxiation is serious, self flogging while painful is not as dangerous.

    Both cause the release of endorphins into the pleasure receptors in the brain when the activity is prolonged. There have also been scientific studies (in other countries) involving the therapeutic uses of spanking or caning in people with depression. The findings were rather startling to mainstream but unremarkable by those of us who know.

    Be well,

  11. Dante Sir...absolutely!

    spirited one...yep totally addicting!

    Ms Lennoxx...thanks for the comment I think O covered your answer.

    SBG...ya...I really hadn't thought about that until O commented on GG's comment....

    Speaking of GG....I hope O was able to help with that. if you ever want to talk about this you can always email me.

    Hugs to all,


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