There was a time not too long ago that subspace was terrifying. Not anymore, O through building a whole lot of trust has made it a wonderful experience. The other day ally of ally steps forward, asked a wonderful question, "What is it like for you to come out of subspace and not remember things?" Well, I do remember bits and pieces, more like snapshots in my mind. O towering over me holding the leather strap in his hand. Another maybe of me looking or tugging at restraints. I feel pain of what he's doing but it's not like the pain is localized to any place I can discern. It's more like a dull sensation of pain that's hard to define. When I wrote that day about feeling debased, he had me worked up into such a frenzy that I would have done anything he asked...and by anything I really do mean anything (at least sexually). I had thoroughly given up anything I was and he was completely and totally in control. I was reduced.
Now having explained that I can honestly say that it's a weird when I first come out, but normally I'm so tired that I can't really focus on it, or even what he's saying to me. I hear the words but he could be saying anything at that moment and they're quickly forgotten...It's kinda like being drunk or drugged. I remembering visiting a friend in the hospital before she had her baby and they had given her morphine. She looked at me and said, I still feel pain but I don't care. I'm pretty sure hours later she wouldn't be able to remember that she even talked to me because of everything going on. In that way it's similar.
So, ya it can be weird to not really remember anything specific, or disjointed thoughts, but it's also ok, because I do trust Omega. I know he'll take things in way that won't cause me real harm. I will say this about subspace, it does become an addiction, and I feel myself getting greedy for it. I love that floaty feeling I get. The release of all the tension and just feeling the world melt away for a time. To me there is nothing like it. For me it also helps to keep me balanced and focused easier on service.