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Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Running with scissors

To say I've been busy lately is really an understatement and a lot has been neglected.  Finally, I made it back to Target and did some serious shopping for cleaning supplies along with other stuff ;-).  I also remain mystified that it's the first week of July.  Seriously where has the time gone to?  Mentally I'm still stuck in January; ok, maybe February.  

As kids we're taught not to run with scissors, clearly a safety thing, but lately I've had the urge to run with them, which means to do something crazy.  No real time for crazy unless you count, skipping laundry to be crazy (I know that O would).  Today I went out to lunch with a gay friend and he and I got to talking about what it means to be different.  Not our normal conversation, but it was interesting to hear his views on how hard it was for him to come out.  He explained that he always knew he was different (meaning attracted to guys) but he didn't know it was "normal" at least for him, until he was much, much older.  He's never really come out to his parents either, his mom, he believes, must have a clue but his dad remains ever clueless about his sexual orientation.  Yes, he's tried to come out to both of them several times.   

As I listened to him talk I was realizing that I could easily be having a similar talk with him about being a deeply submissive masochist.  Because that too goes out of the range of what most think of as normal.  That I strongly crave control, to be contained.  Micromanaged even, to the point to where the "I" really doesn't exist, but it's more like a, "we" or "he" as in, "we don't do that," or "He would never approve of that."  TTWD, dictates that Omega is in control, over all aspects of my life and tho he can (and often does) give great deference to my wishes, there is nothing stopping him from saying no or refusing.  

The inner pain slut craves desires and craves the pain.  To be tormented to the point where the mind wanders off and the slut is left contently sucking on her penis gag like a pacifier.  It's not very often the inner slut gets time out to shine like that, in fact the last time was just in the hours before the hiatus occurred.  Just so everyone is aware, one had nothing to do with the other and that was just coincidence.  

If there is anything I really struggle with it's the fact the inner slut must be kept underground.  


  1. "If there is anything I really struggle with it's the fact the inner slut must be kept underground."

    Good thing for some of us that spelunking is so much fun.

  2. very well put..i think there are alot of us that have to keep that part of us under wraps...and it is very difficult..personally the only person i can share with is Master and that is wonderful but as my inner slut grows and blossoms it is getting harder to conceal what i really am ..a deeply submissive slave.

  3. I know what you mean about sturggling with the fact that a part of you must remain hidden. In fact I recently talked about that over on my blog. I do wish that TTWD was more accepted socially, but I don't see that happening any time soon.

    Side note: Sir J, I really got a good laugh out of your response. Thanks for putting a smile on my face today.

  4. Being gay is more accepted than TTWD, though in either case there can be serious consequences for someone in their career, family or society if they are "outed." Which is ridiculous. If we were truly a mature society, we would spend a lot less time worrying about Afghanistan and a lot more time honing our bedroom skills.

  5. I have to say that it wasn't until last night that I really started to embrace my inner slut. Before that I was still so afraid of her. I can say now that I truly understand where you're coming from. I think I'll have to post about that today, but I really don't know if I can put it into words...



  6. I think it's all above ground mouse, the door is just shut to all those who don't have the right answer to the secret question!
    Ans. i accept you as you are....

  7. J, Sir. OMG LOL....and true.

    His mountain girl...Yup it's the truth.

    Alice, who knows maybe one day :-)

    NDT, yup and can't disagree with anything you said.

    turlya, embracing her is the first step.

    Alujna....very true :-)

    Hugs and thanks for the comments!


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