Slipping back into routine

Thank you for all the wonderful comments yesterday and it's great to be back where I belong!  


I gotta admit going back to blogging after such a long hiatus is not easy.  Just getting back into the routine, finding time, and making time is kinda difficult.  It's what Omega wants me to do so I do it.  My cleaning routine is back, well for the most part (it's hard to clean when there is always someone else around).  I spent a few days cleaning the house from top to bottom, room by room and that wasn't really fun, but the feeling of accomplishment was great.  

Of course all this includes O demanding a bit more of my attention, which I don't mind.  We even played a little in the basement a few nights ago (nothing really intense or heavy) and it was fun.  I can't believe it's already July and I feel like I lost entirely the month of June.  Still it's ok.  I'm really looking forward to some time off from work (which won't really be until next month).   It's strange that even when most of our lifestyle stuff had stopped (maintenance, some rituals etc), his control over me was very evident and I still felt very safe and contained.  I would get frustrated and angry and he'd allow it, knowing it was stress talking and not really me.  I did get spanked a couple times with the belt, not really as punishment or anything like that but because I just needed to release those intense feelings.  

Once the stresses were really over (late June), it didn't take long for O to start reasserting his dominance over me and I really didn't balk.  In fact I welcomed it.  It was like slipping into really comfortable shoes.  It just fit.   It's also strange to me that while the stress was at it's highest,  the lack of structure really didn't hurt.  And neither did bringing the structure back after the stress.  It was like ok....this is it.  His control never feels like a burden.  In fact it's the opposite.  I'm sure in the past I've complained that sometimes being on the bottom rung of  a TPE relationship isn't easy, but the truth is -- it really is easy.  He leads and I follow.  When our stress was high, he still led the way, but he also, gave great deference to me.  He shouldered more than he probably should have, but it was what I needed at that moment.  


I guess thats the thing, if you constantly feel like your life is just one giant struggle and you're just not good enough, the problem is maybe that you're just not serving the right person and not that you're not trying hard enough.  Of course there are times where it does feel like a struggle but if you add up all those times, they really shouldn't add up to much.  In fact the good should always outweigh any negative.  


At least that's what I've come to realize.