This blog contains information that is adult in nature. If you are underage please leave at once.


Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Slipping back into routine

Thank you for all the wonderful comments yesterday and it's great to be back where I belong!  


I gotta admit going back to blogging after such a long hiatus is not easy.  Just getting back into the routine, finding time, and making time is kinda difficult.  It's what Omega wants me to do so I do it.  My cleaning routine is back, well for the most part (it's hard to clean when there is always someone else around).  I spent a few days cleaning the house from top to bottom, room by room and that wasn't really fun, but the feeling of accomplishment was great.  

Of course all this includes O demanding a bit more of my attention, which I don't mind.  We even played a little in the basement a few nights ago (nothing really intense or heavy) and it was fun.  I can't believe it's already July and I feel like I lost entirely the month of June.  Still it's ok.  I'm really looking forward to some time off from work (which won't really be until next month).   It's strange that even when most of our lifestyle stuff had stopped (maintenance, some rituals etc), his control over me was very evident and I still felt very safe and contained.  I would get frustrated and angry and he'd allow it, knowing it was stress talking and not really me.  I did get spanked a couple times with the belt, not really as punishment or anything like that but because I just needed to release those intense feelings.  

Once the stresses were really over (late June), it didn't take long for O to start reasserting his dominance over me and I really didn't balk.  In fact I welcomed it.  It was like slipping into really comfortable shoes.  It just fit.   It's also strange to me that while the stress was at it's highest,  the lack of structure really didn't hurt.  And neither did bringing the structure back after the stress.  It was like ok....this is it.  His control never feels like a burden.  In fact it's the opposite.  I'm sure in the past I've complained that sometimes being on the bottom rung of  a TPE relationship isn't easy, but the truth is -- it really is easy.  He leads and I follow.  When our stress was high, he still led the way, but he also, gave great deference to me.  He shouldered more than he probably should have, but it was what I needed at that moment.  


I guess thats the thing, if you constantly feel like your life is just one giant struggle and you're just not good enough, the problem is maybe that you're just not serving the right person and not that you're not trying hard enough.  Of course there are times where it does feel like a struggle but if you add up all those times, they really shouldn't add up to much.  In fact the good should always outweigh any negative.  


At least that's what I've come to realize.






6 comments:

  1. It's so wonderful to slip back into routine!!! Hope its not too hard on you!!! I can tell Omega loves you very much just by giving you the chance to deal with your stress and keep you grounded when you really needed him to. I am happy to see you back in blogging world and look forward to reading your blogs!!!

    *Hugs*
    Humbly His,
    Heaven

    ReplyDelete
  2. So glad to see you back! You were missed!
    (i recently had to redo my blog, so if you were following you may need to 're-follow')

    ReplyDelete
  3. It does tend to be a struggle until you find your "groove". I'm glad you two have been able to do that. It really seems like it's really been the last six months that your relationship with each other that has really blossomed, and it's been a beautiful thing to watch.

    I think what has made it hard for Asha and I in the last year was the fact that not only did I only just resubmit to him, but we made changes to our dynamic that weren't there previously (mainly because we had his mother living with us and had to be careful as she's sensitive to "abuse" issues). I think it's making a huge difference having these changes. It's just a matter of finding what works and getting rid of what doesn't.

    *hugs*

    turiya

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mouse! You're back! I'm glad to see you. Let me just point out for your convenience that I have been dealing with my own shit storm and have written not a damned thing in my so-called blog since last you read it, so you can just cross that off your list. See? Your almost done already. Welcome back.

    ReplyDelete
  5. His mountain girl...thanks it's great to be back.

    Heaven...It's not hard just strange....lol I couldn't made it through those kinda dark days without Omega guiding me.

    Cilla Noir...I will be dropping by your blog soon!

    turiya...ya mouse needs to get her groove back

    MC Sir...That's a relief one less to worry about ;-) That said, hope you're back to blogging again soon.

    Hugs,
    mouse

    ReplyDelete

All comments are moderated.