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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Being Open

Omega's been involved in the lifestyle to some degree since he was first made aware of it, he learned, and the most valuable piece of advice given to him, was to start a notebook.  Everyone makes mistakes and all those went into the notebook, at least in the beginning.  However as his confidence and experience grew it became so much more than a list of mistakes, it morphed into what works and what doesn't for each slave, bottom, sub he's ever been with.  It's more of a history of him.  He has a list he's put together through the years of over 500 rules alone.   Don't get excited, many of the rules don't even apply to mouse.  Our dynamic is so different from the relationships he's had in the past, he's invented a few new rules just for mouse.  Like the blogging.  They all kinda revolve around being pleasing, grateful, open.  By open, mouse doesn't just mean her legs, she means her mind and spirit too.  Being honest about what works and what doesn't, which is more what this today's post is about.  


Before Omega came into her life, she did her laundry once a week.  It worked for her, but it was also just her in the house.  The loads were manageable and small.  When Omega came into her life the loads became considerably larger and the one day a week thing just didn't work any longer.  It was hard giving up that idea, but who wants to spend one whole day just doing wash?  


Omega noticed the struggle to let go of the past,  and the one-time comfortable routine that mouse was going through and added a new rule to her life.  One load a day.  This caused a struggle within mouse.  And first it was like...what he's going to do, tell me how to do stuff now?  Will he be telling me how to clean the toilets next?  How to dust?  The proper way of using glass cleaner?  He said nothing just enforced the rule, while mouse quietly grumbled to herself.   It led to sarcasm even...oh no...mouse can't do that right now, she must finish that load of laundry first.  


In other words mouse wasn't being very open to the idea.  Omega might not be home all day but he certainly notices what's going on.  Each week a rule continued popping up in mouse's focus rules list.  "When I assign a task, you shall carry out instructions with joy in your heart or not at all."  This was where the rituals started going south for mouse.  Joy in her heart?  No.  


The readers of this blog have no idea how much energy it takes being stubborn and how much effort obstinacy takes.  Omega was annoyed.  He would push and mouse would push back.  He hoped she would work through the struggle but as it became apparent she wasn't, when chaos was taking over everything, he stopped it. 


Could he force joy into her heart?  No, no one can do that.  But he did remind her of what her purpose is.  To serve him.  Did she love him?  Of course!   How could he think otherwise?  Except all the evidence was kinda obvious.  There was little service going on and the slacking off was drifting into all areas.  Sure he'd stick the leather strap in her face and she'd kiss it.  It wasn't being done as though she were actually kissing him, which is what he wanted.  He wanted her to love that strap as much as she loves any part of him.  


As mouse began to open herself more, she started to realize how closed off she was before.   How all this probably started earlier this year and it had gone on enough.  Of course she could just list all of Omega's rules for mouse, but honestly they would lose their meaning during the ritual.  Instead to focus a just a few of them each week or however long Omega feels it's needed for is, much easier to understand.  It's easier to embrace them.  Eventually Omega wants mouse to pick her own focus rules but she's not there yet.  


And the bitter truth is that Omega doesn't care how things get done, as long as they do get done, so when he notices mouse struggling with something, he has no choice but to alter the task to help mouse.  Learning to re-embrace the rules she lives by wasn't easy but needed for both of us.  Each rule reinforces what her purpose is.  It's taken a while for her to thoroughly understand that and be open to what she still needs to learn.  The learning really never ends.







2 comments:

  1. mouse,
    This reader knows exactly how much effort obstinancy takes. I have a Ph.D. in it.
    W isn't as focused as Omega, but this is the one thing he no longer tolerates from me. It does take a lot of effort to maintain that level of obstinancy, but it also takes a lot of effort to change. I have to learn this lesson over, and over, and over.
    Good Luck on this part of your journey. I always enjoy your posts.

    ReplyDelete
  2. kellyRed -- It's hard isn't it???

    Hugs,
    mouse

    ReplyDelete

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